24.2.06

wuts wrong wit me?!

i dunno wuts been goin on with me...there's this time that i cried for two nights, before i go to sleep coz i feel so sad and unfulfilled...i feel that nothing good is goin on with my life and honestly, im getting really pissed...my friends...i dont feel them like i used to...they said ive change but thats a constant thing right?! change...if one doesnt change then one doesnt grow...im right, right?! they said that im doing all these things that i dont usually do and they think its a bad thing...i mean how could enjoying myself be a bad thing...i guess they just dont know what im really feeling...i keep on hinting that im getting really tired of breathing, i really am,,but i guess they think im just joking...i dont feel really good nowadays, emotionally...eversince i turned 19 ive started feeling that way...mind you ive only turned 19 like days ago...there's just times when i feel like cryin but i dunno why i would...does that mean im going crazy?! i think i really need help...its a good thing that i always think about God when im down, He helps me feel good about myself...God keeps me together...He helps me look at the broken pieces of my life then He helps me fix it...i feel really down..i just have this really happy facade but deep down im so sad...and what adds even more to the sad feeling is that i dont know the reason why im being sad and its getting really frustrating...i want to shout, to scream, to let my friends see me cry...i hope this feeling would pass....and one more thing, my friends keep on pressuring me to be in a relationship but how could one be in a relationship if he/she doesnt feel good about hisself/hersself?! neweiz,,,i had a "final destination" like experience...it was really scary...waahh!!! i wish they'd all notice thats sumthin's bugging me...im not really good with expressing my feelings...i think ive said it all...i just have to release my emotion...so,,imma go now....

8.2.06

poem 2-8 (aka-kakornihan at kasentihan ni che)

when wil i be the one in glee,
with the person who'll alays stand by me?!
when can i look deep in his eyes,
stare at him forever, without jokes, without lies?!
when will he realize that im just right here,
waiting for the dy tht my heart he'll hear?!
when will he hold me in his arms,
look in my eyes and daze me with his charms?!
when will i be ble to snap out of this dream?!
when will i be free from all of my fears?!
i guess i'll always be this way,
waiting for the day, in my life he'll stay...ü

6.2.06

so feeling mo naman ikaw un?! kapal ng muka mo ah!!! kainis! filingero ka ah! tumigil tigil ka nga baka sipain ko yang pagmumuka mo! kapal mo bwict!!!!!

lost in a moment...

10 reasons why i think i like him....
  1. i think about him constantly
  2. i cant stop talking when he's around...
  3. i smile everytime i hear him sing...
  4. i always wunna be around him...
  5. i feel sad whenever he's with her...
  6. i....
  7. i.....
  8. i......
  9. i.......
  10. i cant complete this freakin list which only means i dont really like him-LIKE him...maybe i just like the thought of him or maybe i just want to be his close friend...

i dont get it?! why do i always feel attracted to guyz who look like that?! i mean come on chia! wake up!!!!! hahaha...ü

3.2.06

im spinning around...or maybe it just feels like it...

i had a really as in totally bad day...i had to do this speech for my english class but the topic is so not working for me...slept on the floor at 3 in the morning, had to wake up at 7, got my period, attend pe class (basketball) then go to english class...how hectic could my schedule get?! i almost fell asleep during physics and i feel like all the blood in my body has been released( girls, u know wut i mean) waaahhh...i feel really stressed and my body is ready to collapse anytime...i ish i could have a break coz i really dont think that i can go on like this you know, being soo busy and stuff...anywayz, read a new book called stainless longganisa by bob ong...its really nice...i really like the author cause he doesnt conform to what people expect him to do...he's his own man...he just do what he likes to do and write about stuff he likes..i admire people like that...wish i could be more like him...just not in the academic sense since he said so himself that he sucked in school...hehehe...my head is killin me...think i gotta go sleep so check back later...ta-ta!

1.2.06

nyokokokokok....

im so freakinly infatuated...i really dont understand that feeling,,,yah know when you cant stop thinking bout someone...waaahhh!!!! why am i always sad and blue knowing that my feelings are so damn true..waaaah!!! tamo biglang naging poetic!!! waahh!!! am out na nga! im just scaring the hell outta me eh...ü

ahahay!

dang! i got lotz of stuff that i need to do( bat ako and2?!)...the profs are killing us...they should go to jail yah know for torture...why do we need to do all those stuff anyways?! i mean, wut is the freakin point?! i dont get it...waahhh...

A Beautiful Love Letter

A Beautiful Love Letter

When you think of your past love you view it as a failure. But when you find a new love you view the past as a teacher. In the game of love, it doesn’t really matter who won or who lost. What is important is you know when to hold on and when to let go! You know you really love someone when you want him/her to be happy, even if their happiness means that you’re not part of it. Everything happens for the best. If the person you love doesn’t love you back, don’t be afraid to love someone else again, for you’ll never know unless you give it a try. You’ll never love a person you love unless you risk for love. Love strives hurting. If you don’t get hurt, you don’t learn how to love. Love doesn’t hurt at all the time, though the hurting is still there to test you, to help you grow. Don’t find love, let love find you. That’s why it’s falling in love because you don’t force yourself to fall. You just fall. You cannot finish a book without closing its chapter. If you want to go on, then you have to leave the past as you turn the pages. Love is not destroyed by a single failure nor won by a single caress. It is a lifetime venture in which we are always learning, discovering and growing. The greatest irony of love is letting go when you need to hold on and holding on when you need to let go. We lose someone we love only when we are destined to find someone else who can love us even better than we love ourselves. On falling out of love, take sometime to heal and get back on the horse. But don’t ever make the same mistake of riding same one who threw you the first time. To love is risk rejections, to live is to risk dying, to hope is to risk failure. But risk must be taken because the hazard in life is to risk nothing! To reach for is to risk involvement, to expose you feelings is to expose true self; to love is to risk not to be loved in return. How to define love: fall but do not stumble, be constant but not too persistent, share and never be unfair, understand and try not to demand, hurt but never keep the pain. Love is like a knife. It can stab the heart or it can carve wonderful images into the soul that always last for a lifetime. Love is supposed to be the wonderful feeling. It should inspire you and give you joy and strength. But sometimes the things that you give joy can also hurt you in the end. Loving people means giving them the freedom who they choose to be and where they choose to be. For all the heartaches and the tears, the gloomy days and fruitful years, you should give thanks, for you know that these were the things that helped you grow. Loving someone means giving him/her the freedom to find his/her way, whether it leads towards you or away from you. Love is a painful risk to take but must be taken no matter how scary and painful, for only then you’ll experience the fullness of humanity and that is love. Only love can hurt your heart, fill you with desire and tear you apart. Only love can make you cry and only love knows why. If you’re not ready to cry, if you’re not ready to take the risk, if you’re not ready to feel the pain, then you’re not ready to fall in love. There was a time in our lives when we became afraid to fall in love because every time we do, we get hurt, then I figured that’s why it’s called falling in love. When you decide to love, allow it to grow. When you promise to love refuse to let it die!