30.9.06

so dazed...so confused

"ive got a secret, its time for me to tell it, you've been keeping me warm..." waaaahhhh!!!! im crazy! haaayyy...if he could only stop doing what it is that he keeps on doing whenever we're together,,then maybe, just maybe,,,ill be able to let this stupid feeling go...everytime i try, whenever i feel like im finally getting somewhere with this "letting go" thingy,,he always does something to make the feeling come back, something to make me like him even more...why does he always do those things?! i mean, doesnt he realize that those things make me really fall??? is he really that insensitive? or maybe he knows, but he doesnt want to hurt my feelings coz he doesnt feel the same way as i do...haaayyy....either way, i guess i dont want to know...i'll just end up getting hurt and again, ill be left alone to pick the 'broken' pieces of me...im becoming overly dramatic, i know, but that's how i really feel...why do i always tend to fall for a person who's not willing to catch me? i guess thats how stupid i really am...oh well,,,that's life...bitter...hahaha

  • anyways,,,ust won today!!! woohoo!!! there's gonna be a game3! nice!!! ust growling tigers are gonna pounce the ateneo blue eagles on monday!!! woohoo!!!! [i love ust, but i really do like Chris Tiu of ateneo...he's just so cute! hahaha...i think i love him...nyahahaha]

29.9.06

typhoon milenyo

what i saw in the news was really devastating...a lot of people were affected by the typhoon...i was watching the news and i almost cried when i saw this reporter, kara david and a new born baby, the baby was born during the typhoon...gosh! manila has never experience a typhoon this strong since typhoon rosing, and that was like years ago so you could just imagine the trauma of the people affected...lots of provinces are under state of calamity...twas really upsetting...get this, the roof of our former house in caloocan got blown away!!! just imagine how strong the wind is!
my fone's signal is still dead...waaahhh...wala lang...i hope everyone will be ok...i know they will be...eventually...we're filipinos, so a calamity like this is no big for us...hehehe...haaayyyy...ive a test tomorrow, actually, make that two quizzes, so i have to go...

27.9.06

aspirin here please...

i feel sooooo tired...like im gon' be sick...i had a really hard time getting up this morning...my whole body is aching all over the place and my head feels like its being crushed! urgh! i hate feeling sick...anyways, there's no classes tomorrow coz apparently, there's this really huge storm coming, i hope it wont affect the country so much...its okay for me to have classes, i just dont want lots of people to lose their houses and stuff...aiun...i dont really have lots to say...i was pretty quiet most of the day so nothing much happened...i was studying a while ago but im sooo sooo tired,,,i guess i just have to continue tomorrow...aiun...i hope i feel better...i hate being sick...haaayyyy....my best friend, lha sent me this quote...she said it suits me...and she meant the message of the quote...i dont think so...i dont? i dunno....
"dont spend your lifetime loving a person if you have no plan to tell
what you feel,,,it's selfish!
love can never be so beautiful without friendship...one leads to another
and the process is irreversible...the best of lovers are the best of friends...."

21.9.06

same old same old...

nothing happened...same old shit happens everyday...everything's so lame...oh well, that's life...lame...anyways, my stupid prof in english scolded us today for being "noisy"...duh? we were'nt even talking...she's totally driving us insane...thank goodness, english is over...we dont have to deal with her rantings anymore...haha...haaay....
  • ....
  • got test result in M.E...
  • went home early today...
  • got a new bed...
  • realized im still into him...
  • hahaha...
  • (im feeling all ticklish on the inside...hahaha!)
  • ....
  • hahaha
  • ...
  • hahaha
  • i want to think about him no more but i just cant...
  • i really cant...
  • instead, im falling deeper...
  • this is bad...
  • really really bad...
  • waaahhhh!!!!!
  • urhg!!!!!
  • im gonna get over him somehow...
  • i know i will...
  • eventually...
  • waharhar...

20.9.06

am i not pretty enough - kasey chambers

Am I not pretty enough
Is my heart too broken?
Do I cry too much?
Am I too outspoken?
Don’t I make you laugh?
Should I try it harder?
Why do you see right through me?

I live, I breathe, I let it rain on me,
I sleep, I wake, I try hard not to break,
I crave, I love, I’ve waited long enough,
I try as hard as I can.

Am I not pretty enough?
Is my heart too broken?
Do I cry too much?
Am I too outspoken?
Don’t I make you laugh?
Should I try it harder?
Why do you see right through me?

I laugh, I feel, I make believe it’s real,
I fall, I freeze, I pray down on my knees,
I hope, I stand, I take it like a man,
I try as hard as I can.

Am I not pretty enough?
Is my heart too broken?
Do I cry too much?
Am I too outspoken?
Don’t I make you laugh?
Should I try it harder?
Why do you see right through me?
Why do you see, why do you see, why do you see right through me?

aiun...

dun nia gusto...andon un gusto nia...i cant do anything bout that, can i? haaayyy...this is why i hate to fall for someone close to me,,,for a friend, specifically...lalo n pag one way lang...pag ako lng...aiun...wala lng...i keep on trying to let my feelings go but it just wont go away...i make myself believe that i dont feel anything for him anymore but everytime im with him, i forget that im trying to forget ive got feelings for him...gets? darn, its so easy to fall for him...specially when he gives you all those false signals...i thought he's into me, apparently, not...peling(feeling) aq eh...la nq magagawa un...its all his fault...why does he have to be too nice? too funny? to smart? if he isnt like that in the first place, i wouldnt even fall for him...he's not even cute.........well he is, but he's not all that.........uhm, i really fooling myself...haha...grabe....
"everytime i fall, i fall hard..."
-chia
(this is the first time i really fell for someone, mind you..)

19.9.06

survey...

Do you watch the Gilmore Girls?* yup!

Have you ever enjoyed listening to Jack Johnson?* who is he?

Have you ever seen or enjoyed watching the O.C.?* yup! love seth...

Do you have one or more Britney Spears C.D.?* nope...

Which radio stations are your favorites?* wave, magic, rx, jam

Are you a Lost fanatic?* i was...

[[Be honest]]

Do you have a song by Ozzy Osbourne in yourlibrary?* nope...

Queen?* i dunno...

Alanis Morissette?* buong playlist puro alanis....

Do you watch Family Guy regularly?* nope...

King of the Hill?* nope...

[[Admit it]]

Do you read trashy romance novels often?* nope...

Do you really work out every day?* nope...

Have you ever eaten an entire pint, or more icecream by yourself?* haha...yup!

Have you ever eaten nothing but junk food for aweek straight?* nope...

Do u shower every single day?* of course!

Do you ever forget to give a Christmas/birthdaypresent?* yup...aus lng nmn un dba? hehe

Do you sing obnoxiously in the car when you'redriving alone?* i dont drive...and i dont own a car...hehe

Do you sing obnoxiously in the shower when noone's home?* yup!

Have you ever watched a little kid's show when youwere over 12?* still do...

Have you ever looked forward to going to school?* i used to...

[[The Necessary Love Questions That Aren't SoNecessary]]

Have you ever pretended your crush was with youwhen they weren't?* whadda?!!! ano?! baliw b q?! haha

Did you draw pictures for your first crush back inelementary school?* nope...i dunno how to draw...

Have you ever liked a girl/boy but didnt ask her/himout because you were afraid?* huh?! ewan...

Have you ever written a poem/story about your lovelife?* of course...still do...

Have you ever spent over an hour thinking aboutnothing but your crush?* grabe nmn...

Have you ever liked someone solely for theirappearance?* haha...kya nga dame q crushes eh...hehe...crush lng nmn ah...hehehe

[[The Questions You Love: Completely and UtterlyPointless Ones]]

Do you eat all the servings in the food groups on adaily basis?* nope..

Are you ever a freak about cleanliness ororganization?* sometimes...

Have you ever been to South America or Africa?* nope....wish i could...

Do you know how to knit?* a bit...

Do you have a cell phone or iPod with a patternedcover?* nope...

Have you ever written love song lyrics yourself andput them in your profile?* nope...

Do you keep a diary or journal online?* yup!

When you open your closet, what is the dominantcolor of your closet?* dark blue...

[[Truly Unusual This or That Questions]]

Baskin Robbins or Coldstone?* huh?!

America or Canada?* neither...

Physics or chemistry?* physics

Earphones or headphones?* earphones...

pink or teal?* pink...

Earrings or a ring?* both...

Commitment or casual dating?* commitment...

Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings* harry potter

Fly or road trip?* road trip

Starbucks or Caribou?* starbucks

[[Another Wave of Random Questions]]

What is your favorite Disney movie?* cinderella, anastacia, beauty and the beast, alladin, mulan,
lion king, finding nemo, the incredibles, monster inc.

How much jewelry do you own?* i dunno...

Have you ever bought clothing at sears?* nope...where is that anyways?!

18.9.06

now i know...

i cant have everything...i have to experience failure in order to grow...i gave it my best shot but its still not enough...im not hurting anymore...im ok...that's all i can do...its the BEST i can do...im definitely gonna fail two subjects this term,..but i could still take it up next term... its not the end of the world...life goes on...my friend, alvaro said "my grades doesnt reflect my personality.." and i think he's right...sooo right...haaayyy...

15.9.06

awts!

i got over my slight 'school stuff' depression...i think...and something new is building up again...something called 'wish-i-cud-get-over-you' depression...haha...haha? haayyy...


"oh the leaves they fall they go so far sometimes...
do i blame the wind or the tree that let it go...
or do i,,wave goodbye..."
there's nothing that i held onto...so there's no reason for me to let go...sad but true...wish i havent felt this way in the first place...then i wouldnt be having this dilemma...it's all my fault coz i fell for all those shit that he does to me, thinking there really is something when in fact there's none...everything's a big joke...well i guess that's really how some things go..

14.9.06

am i?!

am i being too celf-centered?! do i pity myself too much?! should i just accept that shit really happens to each and everyone of us and that i really should move on with my life and stop sulking bout my failures?! im soo hurting inside...and it hurts even more that nobody is strong enough to dig deep into me to find out what's bugging me...feels like nobody cares...i could just drop dead and nobody would even notice . . .

13.9.06

i told myself i wont cry...not anymore...but its really hard not to...and the bad thing is, i dont have an idea of why the heck im crying...im sooo depressed...i feel like im sinking into a hole...and i cant seem to get out...i cant seem to help myself...nobody's helping me pull myself up...i feel like everyone's pushing me down...

i want to stop crying...but i just cant...

would you?!!

if i stop breathing, would anyone care?! if i die, will anyone cry?! just a thought...coz breathing these past few weeks is getting a little exhausting for me...same old shit happens everyday...i go to school, feel stupid, i go home, feel stupid, then i go to bed feeling more stupid than i did the day before...i thought this "me-feeling-stupid" thing is just a temporary feeling, but why is it not going away?!!!! ugh!!!!
i was thnking that maybe if i stop breathing, everything will be ok, and i wont be feeling any of these anymore...and im pretty positive that its true coz if i stop breathing ill be dead...but i dont wanna die just yet...i still have lots of plans,,,for myself and my family...ugh!!!! i really hate this feeling!!!! maybe i need counceling...i dunno...or maybe i just have to get through this shit on my own...like i always do...
am i overly dramatic?!!!!! ugh!!!! i hate having to go through shitty days...but i guess everybody goes through it right?! so its really no biggie...ugh! i really am stupid...i keep on saying stupid stuffs...
***
if every normal student experience failing a subject, then maybe i dont want to be normal...

10.9.06

i want you to want me - save ferris

want you to want me.
I need you to need me.
Id love you to love me.
Im beggin you to beg me.

I want you to want me.
I need you to need me.
Id love you to love me.

Ill shine up the old brown shoes, put on a brand-new shirt.
Ill get home early from work if you say that you love me.
Didnt i, didnt i, didnt I see you cryin? Oh, didnt i, didnt i, didnt I see you cryin?
Feelin all alone without a friend, you know you feel like dyin.
Oh, didnt i, didnt i, didnt I see you cryin?

I want you to want me.
I need you to need me.
Id love you to love me.
Im beggin you to beg me.

Ill shine up the old brown shoes, put on a brand-new shirt.
Ill get home early from work if you say that you love me.
Didnt i, didnt i, didnt I see you cryin? Oh, didnt i, didnt i, didnt I see you cryin?
Feelin all alone without a friend, you know you feel like dyin.

Oh, didnt i, didnt i, didnt I see you cryin?
Feelin all alone without a friend, you know you feel like dyin.
Oh, didnt i, didnt i, didnt I see you cryin?

I want you to want me.
I need you to need me.
Id love you to love me.
Im beggin you to beg me.
I want you to want me.
I want you to want me.
I want you to want me.
I want you to want me.

9.9.06

letting go...(???!!!!)

i want you to want me...
i need you to need me...
i love you to love me...
im beggin you to beg me...


waaaahhhh...it was so foolish of me to even think that...ugh! never mind...i dont wanna even think about it...it makes me even sad knowing that he's the one i ultimately want but cant have...
'ultimately'...such a strong word...have i gone to that level? the level im most afraid to go to? well i dont know...i really dont...all i know is that i constantly think about him and i want to be with him all the time...if you think that's 'falling for someone', then maybe that's what it really is...and it scares the crap out of me...i dont want to feel this way...coz i know its not gonna get me anywhere...ill always be 'just a friend' and we'll always be 'just friends'...crappy isnt it? im scared...scared that i might not be able to contain what im feeling...scared, that because of this feeling i might drift away from him...scared, that when i stay away, he might notice my true feelings...terrified, that when he finally knows, he might make fun of my feelings...
bullcrap! i hate feeling this way....my heart feels like its gonna explode from hiding wut it trully feels and my brain feels like its gonna explode from info overload (school stuff)...
haayyy...i need a sabbathical...seriously...i need to get away from all this stuff...i need to get away to make myself feel ok again...to make me regain my self-worth...i feel so freakinly stupid...i feel like a low-life pond scum...yeah, i feel that low...i may look happy,,but im really not...but who the heck cares anyways?! nobody...im better off with just me, myself and i...

7.9.06

tugush!

lately, all ive been ranting about is me failing my subjects...well, now its official...ITS OVER FOR ME!!!! hahaha...i wasnt so sure before but now im pretty much certain although still not quite quite certain...labo...i dont wanna fail but i guess that's just how everything goes...they say one have to experience failure in order to grow as a better person..but why the heck do i have to experience it now?!!! why didnt i just sucked in high school and become great in college??!!! why does it have to be the other way around?!!!! @&%$@#)($!!!!!! oh well...i just have to do better next time...
moving on to a more boring subject...i hate my english prof!!! i use to love the subject english but having her as a prof made me despise it...aargghh! she's so freakin demanding! she makes us do all these stuff and she keeps on shouting at us..she's not even teaching!!! ugh!!!
haaaayyyy.....
waaahhhhhh!!!!!!
ive said this before, ill say it again...im getting really tired of breathing...everything seem to suck...but ill hang on...