happy holidays! :'(

i feel so fuckin tired and numb at the same time. i dunno why. all i wanna do is to lie on my bed and stare balnkly into space. i dont even want to think about anything. remember when i said before that i just feel things without knowing why im feeling them? well its happening again. i dunno if this is some kind of sickness or something, all i know is that somethings' up with me, whether its depression or im just going crazy, i dunno. i need help. i think.
anyways, just one day to go before christmas. everyone's all goofy-happy. i dunno what i should be feeling. lots of things had happened. some are good, some are bad and i think all those things puzzle me on how i should spend my christmas or how i should feel this christmas, rather. i still feel bothered about my grades. waaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh. i want to fuckin scream! haaayyyy.


gosu to...haha

"Juliet was an idiot. For one thing, she falls for the one guy she knows she can't have… Everyone thinks it's so romantic: Romeo and Juliet, true love...how sad. If Juliet was stupid enough to fall for the enemy, drink a bottle of poison, and go to sleep in a mausoleum, then she deserved everything she got. "
"love is about choices. It's about putting down the poison and the dagger and making your own happy ending...most of the time. And that sometimes, despite all your best choices and all your best intentions... fate wins anyway. "
-meredith grey, Grey's Anatomy



my mom keeps on telling me that i should eat. but heck, how the hell could i do that when each and everyone of my friends keep telling me to stop eating and that im fat or something. wish i was thinner. its not like i care about what other people think about how i look, but when they rub it in every freaking day, it kinda gets into me, and it kinda hurts my feelings. well, not kinda, it does hurt my feelings. i cant tell them to stop teasing and stuff coz they'll thing that im 'pikon' and all that. haay. wish i was stick thin. yeah, its true that true friends stab you at the front but when they stab you for like, a gazillion times a day, it hurts big time. i really dont know what to do anymore. getting really dizzy from not eating my normal meal. haay. i really dont think im that fat. i think i look normal. my mom says so, so does my cousin and some relatives. apparently, its not 'normal' enough, meaning its not thin enough. oh well. the heck with them.