im too sleepy. i have'nt have a decent sleep since last week. haay. ive got a load of quizzes to study for and its fuckin drivin me crazy. ive just finished studying fet transistors and i 'kind of' understood it. kind of coz there's some few thing that i didnt quite get. waah. still gotta study for engineering economy and differential equation, and oh, i still have to read our report on equalizers, its gon' be on friday. i hope i wont be late, ive been consistently late for the past week mainly because i cant seem to hear my freakin fone alarm! damn fone, i really have to buy an alarm clock. crap.

lots to do, so little time.


tired. tired. tired. but its all worth it. kind of. hahaha. adeek n tlga q. dang. i gotta stop this before it grow into something else. wahahaha.

i dont think it will.

it wont.

wont it?




stolen glances,
smiling at nothingness,
unexplained happiness.
i wish you new.

my hair's frizzy,
im a nobody.
im not perfect, but still,
i wish you knew.

fleeting heartbeat,
babbling when you're around,
thoughts of you.
i wish you knew.

im more than grumpy,
you're too friendly,
our worlds collide, still,
i wish you knew.

no guts to tell you,
too shy to approach you.
damn, i like you.
i wish you knew.



im crazy. im disturbed. im delusional. im apathetic. im depressed.

i hate everything and everyone, i dont even know why. i keep everything to myself. i never let anyone in even if its destroying me, killing me. im so depressed but nobody knows. im such a good actress.

i know i need someone to talk to. someone that i could tell my problems. someone who'll just LISTEN. nobody does that anymore. listen, that is. they think they're helping you by giving advices but they're really not. they think that they're so called 'constructive criticism' will make you better but it really wont. those will only make you feel worse. i hate this life. i hate MY life.

people around you have their expectations of what and who i should be, problem is i cant be what and who they want me to be. im not perfect and ill never be one, and just in case they dont know, NOBODY is perfect, that's why i dont get why they expect me to be one.

lately, lots of thoughts have been goin through my head and mind you the arent good. i dont wanna go on anymore. i dont want to go through every shitty day of my life over again, but no matter how badly i want to end all this, i know i cant and i wont. i tried to end all of it before [i was too chicken too really do it] and i dont want to try to do it again. i would never try it again. NEVER.

[newsflash: im failing my 5-unit subject. life really does get worse than it already is.]


can life get any worse than this? definitely. everyone's so fake. everyone's such a poser. they seem like they care but they really don't. i guess that's just how everything works. :(


it feels so damn good to finally see and feel my pc again. haha. i know im over reacting but you guys dont know how boring it was in batangas. yup, ive been to batangas. my brother and i visited our grand parents. magsino clan unite! haha. haay. haay.

i cant seem to think of anything else but him. its starting to get a little annoying.


am i? haha

[did i made sense to any of you? sorry, im having a slight writer's block. if there's such thing.]


its official. im officially 20 years old. well, 20yrs and 3 days old actually, ive had my birhtday last feb14. it sucks but i really dont care, after all, age is just a state of mind. i could be like, 25 or sumthin but ill still be 16 for all i care. haha.

this year, i could say that twas the best birthday i ever had. haha. ive got the sweetest friends, the best mom and dad and the most thoughtful brother. how good could life still get huh? im too tired to dish all the details so ill just give a quick run down of what happened/what i got.

  • got an eeyore stuffed toy from jajan
  • a huge framed letter from all my friends [jajan,jc&ianerz got it framed]
  • a teddy and roses [i got serenaded by people from mediatrix?] courtesy of my friends [still have no idea who did it. no one's admitting it but i know its them.]
  • cake from my mom&brother
  • my mom, my brother and i had a date and we dined in sbarro [it shoul've been at gumbo's but twas soo full of people.
  • my brother gave me a rose and he texted me. :D
  • chuck taylors from my mom [luv it!]
  • brownies from jajan, again.
  • my dad called. i miss him.
  • aiun
that's pretty much it. it isnt all that, but it really made me happy. i still hate valentine's day though. its so freakin overrated. i hate it. ugh! all those people buying flowers and stuff. it really makes me sick. haay.

random thought: wish im the one you cant get out of your head. its impossible, i know. twas just a wish...


got this from my friend's friendster acoount. i think she got this from somewhere else too. hehe. i love it. absolutely. hehe.

im not a perfect girl. my hair doesnt always stay in place and i spill things a lot. im pretty clumsy and sometimes often times i have a broken heart. my friends and i sometimes fight and maybe some days nothing goes right. but when i think about it and take a step back, i remember how amazing life truly is, and maybe, just maybe, i like being unperfect...

nice right?


does a guy like this exist? if so, tell me. i want to meet him.

i want a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will stay awake just to watch you sleep. the guy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world, who holds your hands in front of his friends, who thinks your just as pretty without make up on. the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you.


its 1.05am.

im too sleepy. i havent had a decent sleep since last week.

im so tired. still have to wake up early tomorrow. we'll be having the report tomorrow.

im scared. i hope it goes well. still got to read some stuff.

haaay. dont know how ill be able to read, my eyes are dropping.

oh well.


"some people, without even trying, can be extremely annoying."

- me

haay. i hate annoying people. well, not exactly all annoying people. i hate those people who constantly annoys me, and by that, i mean those people who teases me non-stop. i dont exactly hate them, im just so freakinly irritated when they tease me about something that is supposed to be a secret. i mean, i trusted them with that secret and its like their telling it to the whole world when they start teasing me. whats most irritating is that they dont fuckin know when to stop. haaay. i guess i hate myself. im so like those people. haaay. why wouldnt i be like them? they're my freakin friends. i love my friends and all but sometimes they're just too much and i cant stand them. im not two-faced or anything coz when im freakinly irritated, my mood really shows. im blogging this just so i can let the bad feeling go and i would be able to face them without being so irritated. [im blogging to let the bad thoughts/feelings go so that id be able to face people as the real me. get it? why am i even explaining.]

im so tired.

random thought: its happening. my theory is really happening. and i dont know what im suppose to feel. i dont like being a third wheel. in fact, i HATE being THE third wheel. just so you guys know.

i wrote a poem but i cant seem to end it. ill finish it as soon as i think of something to end it with. here it goes:

[wrote this at the time when my 'depression' attack is at its peak]

never a winner,
been born a loser.
to continue life,
or to go to the 'light'.
with all hopes gone,
should i choose what is right?

heart's full of dread,
once wished to just drop dead.
thoughts running through my mind,
everything is just so hazy,
everything is not going right.

my eyes are blinded,
my soul is wasted,
should i still continue this fight?
or should i just go and finish my life?

its done. i finished it, i thought i'd never be able to. haha. it seems like my mind is working perfectly today. haha. i finished it while i was typing it. hehe.

our group was GGfied! haha. our professor was really disgusted with our report. haha. he even said it didnt even reach a quarter of his expectation. talk about harsh. haha. i dont see the point of asking the question, "what is an equalizer?" for a gazillion times. i mean, one answer is enough, let alone, 11 answers! but apparently, we still werent able to answer the question and to think we have spent 30 long minutes discussing the meaning of an equalizer and how it works. haay. i really dont understand some people, and i dont want to understand them. they're just gonna let my head spin. haha. aiun. we'll be having a 'second-chance' this friday. i hope it goes well. i hope.


i so totally cant believe this. heart pounding. shallow breaths. racing mind. uncontrollable smile goofy smile. this is it. its kinda official. im in--. i cant say it. i dont want to say it. waah! this is way hard! okay, maybe not in-you know, maybe i just like so much. yeah. thats it. i like him. alot. heck, i like him so much that my heart beats so freakin fast when he's around. i hate this feeling. you know, feeling happy for a minute then totally crushed and bruised by the next. its not like he likes me too, coz im pretty positive that he doesnt. oh well. the heck.

just another random thought: it wont be long enough before they actually become a couple. im not meddlesome, im just typing my observations. i mean, they arent a couple yet but they sure act like one, thats as far as what i can see.

only a few days before my birthday. eight (8) days to be exact. i dont know how im supposed to feel. i should feel happy, i guess, but i dont feel that way. i have always hated birthdays. i dont know why, i just do. haay. anyways, im turning 2o, but its only me who's gonna decide when i really want to turn 2o. for now, i just want to 18. 19 is ok too. haha.

have to take a nap. my eyelids are literally dropping. haha. still have a class later. i was supposed to do a report to make the most out of my time (8-hr break), but stupidly idiotic me forgot my lab manual at school so instead of making the damn report, i ended up blogging instead. haha. later.


[listening to Sugarfree's new album, Tala-arawan. got it by 'accident'. twas supposed to be for my friend, my mom opened the packaging so what else can i do right? haha]

bin to a classmate's house to do our project, that is if watching family guy on dvd means 'doing' our project. we didnt really do something there but goof around and eat. haay.

anyways, i cried this morning for like, the lamest reason in the world. cried because a ive been so affected by what a classmate told me. it wasnt even insulting or someting. this is what he said, 'malalate k n naman? paghihintayin mo n nman kme?!'. now tell me, is this something worth crying at? haha. ive been doing so much of that lately, crying that is. crying for the lamest, dumbest, most stupid reasons in the world. im such a loser. haay. im getting really tired of crying, but what can i do? i cant help it. damn gravity. its pretty annoying already but i think its okay since i have really dry eyes, by crying it'll be diluted, so, eye problem solved right? i can cry all i want coz its good for me right? hehe

haay, 9 days to go and i'll be twenty. it sucks. big time. im not gonna be a teen anymore. i dont want to but i have to. i guess thats just how things works. people grow old and as one grow older, one must also learn to move on and grow up. haay. life. i simply hate it, but i guess i just have to deal with it. darn life.

off-the-topic-random-thought: confirmed. he likes her. she likes him. what do you think will happen next? i am so right.