30.4.07

takte! ang inet tlaga sobra! sakit pa ng ulo ko, sobra, as in it hurts like freakin hell! ive been feeling this headache ever since this fuckin morning! sobrang inet xe talaga eh! tpos labas pasok pa ko sa air-conditioned room. kaya aun, nakuha ko! haaay!!!


[SCREAMS REALLY REALLY S IN WAY LOUD]


i hate this day. as in sobra. it started out fine, but between the beginning and end of the day, something totally fucking um-i-dunno-how-to-call-it happened. aun. i dunno why im so fuckin affected, i mean, i totally dont feel anything near to um, you know, for him. i just really like him. like him not like 'like-like' him but like, 'i-like-him-coz-he-makes-me-laugh-and-i-enjoy-his-company' kind of like him. gets? labo? oh fuck, i dont need any of you to understand coz i dont think any of you would anyway. i just really hate feeling this way. its way too crappy.

tapos i feel way too fat pa. its like after a week of almost not eating anything except lunch, i started pigging out again. this diet thing is totally frustrating! ugh! tpos we've got an exam the day after tomorrow and the day after next. sunod-sunod sila, grabe! kung patayin na lng kaya nila kame mas madali pa kesa naman torturin pa kme diba? tpos i think i failed my very first quiz in amath pa. i even dreamt that i only got 27 and had heart-attack after seeing the results of my test. grabe noh? gang sa dreams ko hin-haunt ako ng mga exams ko, how fucking worse could life still get huh?! gusto ko talaga mag pahinga! i think i really deserve it.

i want to take a break from all these freakin stuff. i want to stop gushing bout him every time theres a free space in my mind. ugh! its making me like him even more kse eh. i dont want it to grow into something more[which is totally impossible since i havent really fallen for someone ever since. well except for this one time in high school, i think i came really close to falling for ano. but i cant really call that 'falling'. maybe just an addiction, thats the only thing i could feel thats really close to 'falling'. i could get easily addicted to a guy but i dont fall in love that easily. falling in love is just not for me.].

aun. labo ko talaga. haay. have i mentioned i got my haircut yesterday? damn! i look like Yuna! wahahaha! no, seriously. i really do. hahaha! baliw na talaga ko! haha!

26.4.07

woot! wala kong magawa. grabe sobrang inet parang bini-bake sa oven ung feeling. ugh! haay. andito ko sa room ko, looking around, there's only one thought that enters my mind; mukang basurahan ang kwarto ko!!! i dont know when is the last time i sweep the floor or the last time i dusted the things that needed dusting. pag pasok mo dito, swear, kung wala kang asthma magkakaron ka bigla. haha. im really scared to look under my bed coz i might find a dust bunny there. haha. napaka burara ko tlga. haay. i'll clean up when i have the time, umm, thinking bout it, i realized i have all the time but im just to lazy to do it. haha.

grabe. sobra na talaga politics dito. nakakainis. kung sano anong ginagawang gimik ng mga politicians just to get the vote of the people. tapos ung iba, ugh! grabe, i cant believe they have the nerve to run eh they're so freakin stupid naman. i know na hindi naman tlga kailangan na maging sobrang talino to be in politics pero naman! kailangan naman kahit papano nakapag aral ka, i mean pano ka gagawa ng law kung simple english paragraph or even sentence di mo magawa di ba? i dont wanna name names pero kung papanoodin nio ung mga interviews sa mga running for senators malalaman niyo talaga kung sino ung mga uber walang kwenta. haaay. i finally got that off of my chest. haha. aiun lang. hehe. :D

21.4.07

[sigh] im having chest pains. there's a lump in my throat, you know, like when your trying real hard not to cry when you really feel like crying, that sort of lump. im kind of panicking here, coz the lump is pretty normal when you're crying but when you're not, its just scary. the chest pains and the lump in my throat kinda makes it hard for me to breath normally.

i don't know if im only thinking im having chest pains and a lump in my throat, but whatever it is that's going on with me, i wish it'd go away soon coz its scaring the crap out of me. seriously. i really hope im just imagining all these things coz now is really not a good time for me to be rushed in a hospital. our family's kinda tight on the dough these days. haaay. buhay nga naman.

19.4.07

i feel like a shithead with a tight throat and a palpitating heart.

i have never thought of myself as fat but other people think otherwise, and whats worse is that i believe them. i let their 'awful' words get in my system and its killing me on the insides, if you know what i mean. i've managed to overcome my depression only for it to be replaced by something else. anxiety. i didnt think i have an anxiety disorder or anything but i looked all the 'symptoms' i have up in the net and found out that all the of the things im experiencing points to anxiety. why did i start this paragraph with the fat issue? coz heck, i think thats whats causing all this anxiety and depression im experiencing. it sucks. im only 20 and i have to experience all these. ugh. i wish people would just stop teasing me about my weight. i am not fat. or at least i used to think so. i cant believe i've let what other people say about me get into me, i never used to mind. i used to have all these confidence in me and i used to love myself so much but then i have to grow older. ive been exposed to so many fucking stereotypical things that made me hate the way i look.

i wish i could get over all these things soon. i want to go to sleep feeling good about myself and not like crap.

i cant believe im still here. still breathing. still going through life. still hanging on.

wish i have enough courage to hold on coz this place we're living in gets meaner by the second.

15.4.07

im sweating all over, its too damn hot! its too hot to even do anything. its too hot to even GO to school. i mean why do students even have to take summer classes? its totally pointless and stupid. its too hot to study or even think! ugh! i hate this, having to got to school during the whole summer vacation that is. i guess this is the punishment students get from not doing well in school. oh well, looking on the bright side, i get to receive a daily allowance from my mom which is really really and i mean, WAY good! lolz.

anyway, i get to bond with my old friends last wednesday, thats april 5. we went to a resort or something like that, i dont really know what its called. i had so much fun. its been too long since we last got together and i really missed them. unlike our past outing, we didnt starve coz the guys are too prepared. haha. they really surprised us coz they're usually not that responsible. hehe. KUDOS TO THEM! haha. i had a really great time, i hope we get to do it again next year.

by the way, on of my bestest friend, khaye, is inviting me and lha to go to quezon whit her family for the pahiyas festival. i really hope mom allows me to go. i got my fingers crossed. :)
im the meanest person alive, ever! i take everything i said from my previous blog back. she should've passed, she totally deserve it. im so mean.

3.4.07

why is it such a big deal for everyone? would passing the bar exams change anything? i mean, yeah, it will make all the difference in the world coz then we'll have a lawyer in the family. haaay. am i mean? am i a bad cousin? am i a bad person? its just that she had changed so much ever since she started studying in a law school. she became too meticulous and all those other stuff.

i want my old cousin back. the plain and simple cousin that she used to be. oh well. i guess that'll never happen. she's to 'big time' to come back to her old self.

people really change.

2.4.07

i totally have nothing to do. nothing. null. nada. zero. wala. as in WALA! im basically just bumming in the four corners of our dull and boring house. redundant eh? well, thats how boring it is in here. haaay. i wish theres something to do for me. like some cool summer activity or something.

i could go to work and such only i didn't pass any resume so no job for me. . . .

or maybe there still is, that is if i submit a resume now. i will totally do that. so byerz. haha.