19.4.07

i feel like a shithead with a tight throat and a palpitating heart.

i have never thought of myself as fat but other people think otherwise, and whats worse is that i believe them. i let their 'awful' words get in my system and its killing me on the insides, if you know what i mean. i've managed to overcome my depression only for it to be replaced by something else. anxiety. i didnt think i have an anxiety disorder or anything but i looked all the 'symptoms' i have up in the net and found out that all the of the things im experiencing points to anxiety. why did i start this paragraph with the fat issue? coz heck, i think thats whats causing all this anxiety and depression im experiencing. it sucks. im only 20 and i have to experience all these. ugh. i wish people would just stop teasing me about my weight. i am not fat. or at least i used to think so. i cant believe i've let what other people say about me get into me, i never used to mind. i used to have all these confidence in me and i used to love myself so much but then i have to grow older. ive been exposed to so many fucking stereotypical things that made me hate the way i look.

i wish i could get over all these things soon. i want to go to sleep feeling good about myself and not like crap.

i cant believe im still here. still breathing. still going through life. still hanging on.

wish i have enough courage to hold on coz this place we're living in gets meaner by the second.

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