this is so frustrating!!! i cant change my freakinly bland layout 'coz guess what,


i've tried for so many times already but i just cant seem to do it right. there's always something that i seem to have overlooked and it's messing everything up!

anybody, HELP!


it really suck to be left alone at home.

i know i said i like being by myself but its not like i want to be left alone for like a really long time, you know. i mean, it's fun for a while, like a few hours or even a day coz i get to have the whole house all to myself and i get to do stuff i don't normally do when my mom's around, like blasting the volume of the radio, things like that. but after a while, it gets pretty lonely you know, and doing crazy things for some time can be really boring and monotonous. aside from burning my eyes watching tv and surfing the net, and going deaf by listening to my iPod for oh-so-long-hours, what else is there to do?! really.

i mean, hello! our house is like, at the corner of the planet so there's practically nowhere fun for me to go to and oh, i don't really have friends around here at our place. uhm, lemme rephrase that, i don't have friends around here. what can i do? nobody's my age.


i don't get how my mom could stand it, being alone that is. i can't even stand it for a day [i got woozy staring at the wall. lols], it's friggin' stressful and depressing.

i have to give it for my mom. hands down. she's really great, she doesn't even complain about being alone, that's how great she is. so kudos to my mom! i so so love her. she's really a super mommy [and she lets me stay up and use the pc for as long as i want. lolz].



you, my non-existent reader/s, might, yet again, be thinking that i, for the ump-teenth time , am gon' rant about how stupid and crappy and blah-blah-blah my day was. you are friggin right. the heck with everyone! if you don't like what you're reading, no one's forcing you to stay. so there.

so what's with the "ugh!!!" ? its not even a freakin word. how stupid.


have you...

i lost it, im sorry. i was checking out this site and i saw this picture of someone i like, a picture of him with somebody else. somebody HE really, and i mean, REALLY likes. and i just suddenly lost it. not 'lost it' like i got really mad and started hurling things within my grasp 'lost it'.

it was more of,

i was suddenly out of words. i forgot what i was typing. i even forgot that i was way mad at my brother and that i was feeling really reproachful about something i just read. i forgot all my rantings for the day. and i really mean ALL.

that kind of 'lost it'.

weird. really weird.

[random thought]

*i think im getting more and more dim-witted as i get older.

this is so not good. seriously. *

maybe its time for me to let the "addiction" go. it's not doing me any good for one, and its getting really tiring after some time. so maybe i should really let it go.

i think i'll do that. no, i'll DEFINITELY do that.

i feel like a total shit. im a good-for-nothing-insensitive-bitch. i really am. so anyone, please, kill me now. suck the life and soul out of me so i could fall dead and be completely free of all the pain this freakinly selfish, mean world renders. take me away. somebody, anyone...take me...or not.


another lame poetry of mine, if you can even call it 'poetry'. i wrote this three days ago, i think. i had nothing to do then and this just sorta' popped out of my head.

silence, silence.
there's nothing but silence.
no one to talk to.
nothing to do.
no sights so see.
might as well cry on my bed
and sulk 'til i get happy.
ironic? guess nobody will ever understand.
well, so you know,
crying makes my trapped soul free.


summer classes are finally over. uhm, should i be glad? i dunno. it's really fun going to school during summer vacation, coz for one, there's absolutely nothing to do at home and nobody receives daily allowance by staying at home. school means money for me. ha! haay, im gon' miss him. haha. i know there's like, absolutely no chance that he's gon' like me back but i really don't care, im not asking him to. and its not like i love him, coz i dont, i just really really like him. i guess what im trying to say is that, i like the feeling of having someone to like, admire. sarap kaya ng feeling ng kinikileg. haha.

kapal talaga ng muka ko. haha. pano kase, i downloaded the whole album of chicosci from someone's multiply site. someone i dont know, in particular. haha. that's what ive been doing lately, downloading mp3s from people's multiply. its faster than getting it from limewire kase eh. and besides, my limewire isn't working the way it should, i think its corrupted or something.

gotta turn off this "aboriginal" computer of mine before my mom wakes up. hehe. sweet dreams everyone! :D

[sino kaya ung un na un? napapaisip tuloy ako. nagpapakafilingera nnman. haha. lam ko nman na it isn't me. oh well.]


i almost got scammed! fuck! but thanks to my neurons and brain cells, i didn't fell for it.

so this is what happened, i got a call just minutes ago from someone named Faye Colas, she started babbling about me being something something and that i was highly recommended by my old school [as if!]. she said that she's from some sort of company or whatever, i wasn't really listening coz all i could think of was "what the heck is this?!". she asked me if i have a summer class and if 15k-20k compensation sounded good enough to me, i said "uhm, yeah" [real stupid of me, but come on, i mean, 20gran, thats like music to my ears], then she told me to get a pen and paper so i could jot down their address coz she said i need to get there tomorrow by 3pm-6pm. i was hesitant but i jot it down anyway, 15th floor octagon building san miguel avenue ortigas, the bitch told me that she was looking forward to meeting me then i said "ok" and hung up.

since i was using my pc, i googled the address she gave me and i found a blog entry which rants about the same incident i just experienced minutes ago. boy, was i really thankful to those people, if it wasnt for them, i would have been scammed.

fuck those people who screw other people just to earn money. oh well, karma is a bitch.
uhm, so walang kwenta un post ko kanina. mejo bangag pa kase ko kanina but im totally sober now. saket lang ng ulo. pucha, di talaga ko magaling uminom, ang ironic nga eh kase madalas ako maghanap ng inuman pero ako naman un unang basag, unang hilo at unang tulog. haha. wala eh, i love the roll of conversation during inuman, totally no pretension whatsoever, i think.

so aun, naisip ko kase siya kanina. naisip ko lang, ang layo masyado ng tingin niya. sobrang layo. aun.

galeng pala kme kila jc kanina. inuman. saya. bonding with high school friends. saya talaga ng kahit anong happening pag kasama sila. senti ko no. ung iniisip ko nung isang araw na sabi ko today ko mapprove kung totoo, wala din nangyare. clueless paden ako, still dont know what made me react the way i did when i saw their picture together. he still haven't change a bit, mejo naging 'manly' ung ichura but he's still childish and sweet and malambing and everything he was back then. wala lang.

ang labo ko talaga, pati aq natatanong ko sa sarile ko kung ano ba talaga. nalalabuan din kase ko sa sarile ko. not just with the feelings part, nalalabuan ako sa lahat. minsan i absolutely feel like i know myself tpos biglang mawawala ako. ewan ko ba kung bat ako ganito. minsan ang saya ko tpos one word lang na di ko nagustuhan, iba na agad mood ko. kaines nga eh. ewan ko ba.

last day na ng summer class ko sa monday. exams, a-math. fuck. wala akong naintindihan sa lecture pati sa notes. mukang masisira un magagandang grades ko ah. haha. since when have i been grade conscious? haha. sana summer na lng lage. haha. user talaga ko.

anyway, para kong adeek. paulet ulet lang sa itunes ko ung 'stars'. for the past hour or so, un lang kinikineg ko. ganda xe nung boses ng vocalist eh, ganda din ng melody. aiun. im not really a fan of the band, i just really like their songs. ang angas kase nila tignan eh. callalily pala un sinasabe ko. i kinda bump into one of them nga sa covered walk eh, un papuntang carpark. taga conservatory pala un. wala lang. taga-eng ako. mas asteeg ako, ece ako eh, center for excellence ng uste un eh. hehe. ang liit niya. haha. pero galeng nia coz he's a left handed guitarist, pero come to think of it, hinde din pala, xe si kerrence, my classmate in high school, is also left handed but he plays the guitar with his right hand. mas astig un. sayang si kerrence, lumipat na siya ng school, di na siya ust, iniwan na nia ko. daya.

gulo ko talaga gumawa ng paragraph. walang coherence and unity. pero emphatic naman di ba? haha. ai! un vocalist pala nila is kinda maangas tignan, which is really cute. i love obnoxious guys, i've no clue why. kulang pala. i love obnoxious and stupid-looking chinito guys. haha. hindi pala chinito ung dalawa. haha. pero lahat falls in that category, kung di singkit, mayabang, kung di mayabang, mukang tanga, tapos one time lahat nung characteristics na yan nandon sa taong yon. haha.

ano ba tong stupidity na ginagawa ko? puro senseless tinatype ko ah. haha. nonood na nga lang ako ng heroes, my brother's friend downloaded it for me. aiun. tama na nga to. baboosh.


how i wish it was me,
but i guess that'll never be.
and that really suck.


finally. my mom was behind me minutes ago so it took me some time to type something for this. uhm, but now that im alone, [my mom going in her own room and all] free to type anything i want, i've realized just now that i really don't know what to type in this ever so crappy blog of mine. i'm totally feeling totally sluggish and lethargic today. really feel like doing nothing, not later and certainly not tomorrow. im such a lazy-ass. i got a test tomorrow and i haven't studied anything coz im too lazy to get up from the couch, i haven't even charged my freakin fone for like, hours already. that's how lazy i am today. really wish that there'll be no classes tomorrow. just want to curl in my bed and sleep till my eyes and head hurts. haay! fuck!

btw, i treated my mom yesterday in this expensive resto/grill/whatever and i almost had heart attack when i got the bill, but its all good coz its for my mom. my brother bought her a cake and a pair of shoes, he was really sweet yesterday. :)


oh, i almost forgot. its mother's day tomorrow so, happy mother's day to all the mom's out there! specially to my ever loving mom and two granmas. i know they wont be able to read this [computers are just not their thing. hehe] but i'd like to greet them anyways.

mom's are simply the best and strongest people in the entire world so, KUDOS TO ALL THE MOTHERS OF THE WORLD! and again, happy mother's day to all the mothers!
this is like, my second post for the day. uhm, so what's been up with me? not much really. twas mostly a school-home-malling-on-the-side thing for me this summer. nothing interesting really. as usual, school was pretty lame, except for the times when Tatang, our professor for both subjects, crack up jokes. he can be really funny in a weird way. he makes all these funny gestures and faces that really makes us, sleepy students, laugh till we fall off our seats. by the way, did i tell you guys that he's like 65 or something years old? he's still pretty strong for an old guy. oh, and really smart too. he's by far the best professor i had since i started college. and oh, i actually got a perfect score on one of his exams. would you believe it? me, having a perfect score on a test, on a MATH test! goodness gracious! i couldn't even believe it myself. it was like the very first perfect score i got since i started going to college. whew! looks like summer classes makes one experience lots of firsts huh. haha.

going to a more interesting topic, my brother is currently dating someone. yes, after many years of datelessness, he's actually dating again. good for him, i guess. she's currently in our living room as im typing this entry. she doesn't look bad, come to think of it, she's actually pretty. i hate her. ha! you thought i actually like her, didn't? well you guys are so wrong! i hate her. not in an insecure way and as a person, im not really into judging girls my brother dates, its just that i don't like her for my brother that's all. she looks really snobbish, and, the fact that she didn't even try helping out to clear the table really means something, and, she didn't even excused herself from the table when she answered her phone, how freakin rude is that huh?! and some other meaningless-but-really-a-turn-off thing, she spells a word, like, d-r-o-g-g-y when what she really means is groggy. i mean, is droggy even a word? ugh. and one more, she pronounce the word girlfriend like, gelpren. talk about turn off, right? i don't know what my bother sees in her, i really don't, but he likes her, so that means that i just have to deal with it. darn. as what george o'mally(grey's anatomy) said, "life sucks"

[this i is a pretty long entry. a first for me. summer really makes one do lots of first. haha]

i really hate you sometimes.
i hope you know that.
you can really be such a backstabbing ass.