what a fuckin'ly hilarious and embarrassing ride home that was! don't really feel like dishing out the details. haha.

i think it'll be forever stuck in my mind. hahaha. :D


i fuckin lurve chicosci!

tae. taena! bakit parang badtrip ako? wala naman akong dapat ika-badtrip. weird. naiinis ako and yet wala naman akong dapat ika-inis. baliw na ata ako. tae talaga.


andaya! baket nagiging draft ang mga pinopost ko?! andaya nman eh! hmp!
i just had the scariest bus ride of my life. damn, twas really terrifying. i thought i was already used to riding a 'killer bus' since it was my source of transpo last sem, but hell, NOOOOO! i guess one could never ever get used to riding those monsters coz it really scares the crap out of people aboard and around it. its like a fucking roller coaster on the freeway!

i swear it was really scary! the bus was swerving around all the vehicles and its speed was like 80, 90 or a hundred on a fucking busy freeway! i was cussing non-stop in my head, i cant cuss out loud since my dad's right beside me :p. between all the cussing i prayed. guess what i prayed for?

i asked Him to not let us die in a bus accident coz my mom will be really devastated if all three of us are 'gon die at the same time.

that's how scared i was! i was so scared that crazy thoughts ran through my head. i was really glad, or shall i say, relieved when we finally got off the fuckin bus. im never gon ride a 'killer bus' again. ever. swear. rawr!

oh i just remembered, i had this really weird dream last night about coffins and dancing corps. twas really funny. after i was done doing my morning routine, i told my mom about the dream i had and she said that im gon have money today, either someone'll give me or im gon have a really good luck and win the lottery. hehe.

my aunt and uncle from italy arrived today. i went to my cousin's house since they're gon have their lunch there. guess what they gave me aside from their pasalubongs? a fucking fat thousand each! woohoo! im rich! that was easy money there! haha. was it just coincidence or my sub conscious already knew about it? whatever. i dont really care coz what matters to me is that i have cash to spend and i can finally buy the bag that i saw at the mall. woohoo!!!

off to bed now. wish i'll dream of coffins again tonight. hehe. night-night y'all!


oh i almost forgot,


specially to my dad! i luurvvee you daddy!!!!

Technorati Profile
i must be going insane. seriously. does a normal person listen to a single song for like days and feel like its his/her song even though he/she haven't gone through the things said in the song? am i the only one like this? ang filingera ko kase. haay buhay. tae.

im so addicted to silent sanctuary these past few days. i just cant get enough of their songs and sarkie's voice. there's just something about them that'll get you really addicted. been listening to their cd every single day since i bought it. haha.

im sooo fucking tired. haven't got a decent sleep since school started. oh well, everything's worth all these sleepless night coz at least i get to have fun with my friends instead of just staying up all night for the sake of staying up all night. do i make sense? guess not. im a person without sense. senseless. nonsense. careless. incense. absence. abstinence. hence. benz. . . . huh?!

i. am. so. fucking. deranged. and. stupid.



ever wished you were someone else?

i sure have. fuck.
eh ano naman? so dapat ba malungkot ako? bakit ba pinipilit nilang sad ako dahil don eh hindi naman talaga eh! sensya na. lam ko naman na joke lang yun pero pikon ako eh, pikon na asar talo pa. tae talaga. pero pramis! hindi ako nalulungkot whatsoever. i don't really care coz it's not like i even like him that much. i wish they'd stop teasing. wala naman kase talaga. pramis.

pero powta paren xempre. feelingera ka kase potcheng!!! powta!



happy independence day!!!

i love the Philippines! i am a Filipino and dang, am i proud of being one! woohoo!


back to school tomorrow and boy am i ecstatic. im finally gon' be able to bum around in some place other than our couch. lolz.

currently listening to magic 89.9's boys night out, the show is fucking hilarious! i laugh my ass of every time i listen to those guys. i so love them!

kudos to king dj logan, slickrick and tony tony! you guys rock! haha.

gotta go take my beauty rest. gotta look glam on the first day of classes to catch all those froshies. wahaha!


*this post is so fucking stupid and not to mention nonsense. im such a stupid writer. whatever. nobody cares anyway.

why cant they just leave me alone?!!!!


just bitchin'


after only a few hours, which by the way seems like an eternity specially when your watching tv in the living room with your brother's girlfriend, here i am again.

here's the deal, i so badly want to get out of the house but if it means being with my brother's gf, then 'thanks but i'd rather stay at home and bore myself to death'. i usually love hanging out with my brother and i like it more when he asks me to hang out with him and his friends at some bar or something but i so totally hate his gf and just the thought of being around her is like fucking torture to me. so maybe im exaggerating a bit, ok, a lot, she's not that bad but she really really annoys me! i dunno, there's just something about her that i don't like and i think my brother's friends notice that too.

i heard her tell my brother this: "magkano ba ung parking fee nila? ako na lang magbabayad."[on i think joseph's remark on them being so late and all]

what the fuck is that all about huh?! i know she's rich and everything but to say that?! that's just fucking rude! those are my brother's friends! i can't believe my brother didn't say something about it to her! he should've slapped the crap out of that bitch's mouth. my brother's just nuts over that bitch! and i hate it!

what annoys me even more is that she tries to have all these small talks with me, c'mon! is she that stupid not to see that a fake smile is glued onto my face and that im just pretending to listen so as not to be rude?! urgh!

i never thought i'd say this, but i actually think i like my brother's ex-gf, karen, more than the witch he's currently dating. i wish my brother could see the real face of that witch, which is all pimply and full of warts. rawr! he should see past that not-so-pretty face of that monster! maybe he just needs a punch or two to break-off from the spell he's currently on.

[breathe chia, breathe...relax...relax]

moving on, i finally pooped. sa wakas naka-tae den! at powta! tubol! ang tinde! hirap ilabas! nyahaha. at least naka-tae. haha.


i gotta go, before my mom wake up and see me still using the pc. ta-ta!


eto pa isa! sersyoso naman to

eto pa! seryoso naman tong isang to, nakaipit din to sa notebook tas nakasulat don sa likod ng pinagsulatan ko nung una kong post. haha. adeek siguro talaga ko nung time na sinulat ko tong mga to. haha.

holding your emotions,
feeling too much pain,
almost unbearable...
and still you are to blame.

walls closing in,
finding it hard to breathe,
wishing you could hold on to something,
something...just anything.

wanting to break free,
feeling emptier inside,
its almost as if
life and death coincide.

crying for help,
nobody hears.
feeling weaker,
damn stupid than ever.
ako na naman! as promised, im gon' post my stupid poem. haha. as if anbody cares. lolz.

this is so fucking funny. i can't remember when or why or for whom i wrote it, nakita ko lang to na nakaipit sa notebook ko. well, whatever reason reason it is, eto lang masasabi ko: powta! adeek ata ako nung sinulat ko to! haha! :)) hindi pa ata ako kontento na nandito lang to naka-post kaya pinost ko den sa deviantart ko. wahaha. filingera. hahaha.

mahal kita...
alam mo ba?!
hindi mo nakita?!
ang tanga mo talaga!
ang tagal na...
pinipilit ko lang itago...
para lang,
sa akin di ka magbago...

'bat ganyan ka?!
sobrang walang pakialam
sa lahat sa paligid mo...
mag-isip ka nga!
hindi lang siya ang babae sa mundo!
hindi lang siya,
ang magpapasaya sayo...
hindi lang siya,
and babae sa mundo...
hindi lang siya...
hindi lang siya...

nandito din ako...

i totally bailed on blogging yesterday, when i said that i would. haha. well i was busy, very busy. i was fixing my pc, right? so, after i installed all the softwares, i went online to update them and heck, it took way too long, and since we only have i phone line, there goes my blogging. haha.

i finished updating about, past 4 am. i got tired of waiting so i kinda thought that i should just leave the pc on and just check if it was done the moment i wake up, but i didn't do that, it would just be a distraction for my sleep. :p

and now, after so many pain-staking hours, im finally done fixing/updating both my computers[naks!]. phew! thank goodness im done coz if i haven't finished doing it now, i prolly won't be able to do it at all since classes would be starting this tuesday, and if i wont be able to do it then nobody else will 'coz no one in our house knows how to. so yay me! :D

anyways, uhm, wala lang, again, im left alone in this awful awful[just exaggerating :p] house of ours, listening to silent sanctuary's album[great band! great songs! i luuurrrveee them!], staring at the blinking cursor of my computer's screen. actually, more of typing, deleting then typing again and then staring. there. lolz. there's just nothing else to do here!!!! i so badly want to go out and drink or party with my friends! waah! my summer's just too lame! lame lame lame!!!


! pardon me for that. im sure y'all know how i feel. my brain is totally drying out! rawr!!!! im so fucking bored. im bored out of my mind! and what's even worse, im fucking constipated!!!!! waaaah!!! i think i haven't done number2 for like, 3 days already. i KNOW! EEEEEEWWWWWW. i feel so fucking bloated!!!! rawr!

i really don't know what to fucking do anymore!


counting down the days till classes start...



wala lang. may deviant art na ko. wala lang. gusto ko lang sabihin sa sarili ko, yes, sa sarili ko and not to the readers of my blog coz i know for a fact that there are none. haha.

hindi ko nga lam kung bakit ako sign up ng sign up sa mga kung ano ano eh, i guess just to kill time. im so damn bored na kase. can't wait for classes to start, at least pag may pasok na, i get to have fun with my friends tpos may pera pa, oh diba, san ka pa?! haha :D ai kaso super ma-sstress out na naman ako, super dame na kaseng gagawin this year. badtrip pa lab, halos araw araw meron, gusto na yata kame patayin ng UST eh.

aiun, so i've been doing nothing but sit here and fix my pc since after lunch. ganda noh? super productive ang araw ko. kainis pa, gusto ko umales kaso di ko naman maiwan tong pc ko na nirereformat ko. badtrip. haay. ai, dapat pala kahapon may lakad daw kame, i just dont know what happened kase sabe magtetext daw kung tuloy eh walang nagtext ah di walang ales. kaines

ano pa ba, i had this really weird dream last night, i was crying daw tpos the guys from callalily danced in front of me to pacify me. haha. tapos they took me to a bakeshop and bought me 2 loaves of bread. haha. weird noh?

i've been having weird dreams lately, i wonder what it means. maybe its just because of the vitamins im taking, or maybe im just too bored thats why my brain conjured all these 'interesting' dreams para naman daw hindi ako masyadong nabuburyo. haha.

later na lang ulet, i'll post the poems i found inside my notebook. pramis nakakatawa. haha.


i've a new layout. finally. woohoo! haha. i've finally figured out why my blog gets really messed up every time i try to change the layout. phew! im a pro baby! wahaha.


im such a pig! rawr! haha. so heres the deal, i ate like less than half a cup of rice today, woohoo! i've got self control! haha. oh i forgot, i also ate five freakin slices of pie. wahaha! five out of eight! haha.
i guess it can't be helped, it taste so freakin good. hahaha!
my dad's finally home! woohoo!!! what could be better than that, huh?! woohoo!!! he's gonna be here for like a full 3 months. how great is that?! we'll get to spend father's day withwhat made me even happier beside the fact that he's now heree is the thing he brought home for me as pasalubong. guess what it is. haha. im too overwhelmed right now. haha.

my dad bought me a freakin' laptop!!! cool huh! haha.

ok gotta go now, i only went online to blog about my dad and the laptop he bought me. haha. i guess humility is not in my vocab. haha. kidding. ciao! nyt! i guess i'll be having really good dreams tonight huh. hehe.


pahabol lang, hehe. i bought silent sanctuary's album fuchsiang pag-ibig [yes, the spelling was intended to be like that, in case you're wondering] and incubus' ne album, light grenades.

both albums are totally good beyond words! both are totally worth the money i spent. ayun. just bragging again. haha. im outta here. for real. hehe.


enrollment tomorrow.

hafta sleep early coz i gotta be there by 9.

heavens! thats just friggin early.

hope i can get there in time, or else. wala lang. lols.

btw, my dad's coming home tomorrow! woohoo!!! im soooo excited. i really really miss him. i just hope that he'll stay a little longer this time. can't wait to see him!

good night and the sweetest of dreams to y'all! xoxo



okay, it's just a freakin reply to my ever senseless(?) comment . he probably just said it to humor me. i mean, so what if he included the phrase 'coz everything else is up to you'? it totally means nothing, he always say things like that. of all people, i should know, being the one who usually receives those frivolous fire backs of his back in high school. he's just being his normal self, no big.

...just being his normal self...i know. i really do. swear.

then why the heck am i so damn bothered and confused?!!! the stupid thought of him, probably meaning those words keep on popping inside this vacuous head of mine! i must be goin nuts. [can't even get to type my lame punchline for the 'goin nuts' phrase. har-har.]

we're friends and by friends, i really mean FRIENDS to its truest sense. so how could i ever think he'd see me as someone more than that?!

he is not like me, you know. so i've had a 'moment', remember? the whole evaluating my feelings crap which arose from seeing his pictures with someone. he would never as in NEVER do that. i think.

*ear-splitting scream*

ayoko na magisip! napapagod lang ako. itutulog ko na lang to! taena!


just finished cleaning my room. yeah, i normally do all my cleaning at night and no, im not a weirdo but if you think so, i can do nothing about that, can i?

uhm, i disposed some old stuff, test papers, PCB's and practically everything that has become an eye sore to me. i do this once a year, im a freakin pack rat, fyi. oh, and i swept the floor under my bed, read: dust bunny. i know, eeewww.

by the way, my room smells like wipe-out.

moving on to another bland topic, my brother's an ass. i know i've said this about a million times already but rar! *screams really really as in way way loudly*

okay, i dun' wanna talk about it anymore. in fact, i don't wanna talk about anything anymore, the thought about my lazy-ass of a brother ruined my really good chi.


when you're down to nothing, God is up to something

She jumped up as soon as she saw the surgeon come out of the operating room. She said: "How is my little boy ? Is he going to be all right ? When can I see him ?"

The surgeon said, "I'm sorry. We did all we could, but your boy didn't make it."
Sally said, "Why do little children get cancer ? Doesn't God care any more ? Where were you, God, when my son needed you ?"

The surgeon asked, "Would you like some time alone with your son ? One of the nurses will be out in a few minutes, before he's transported to the university."

Sally asked the nurse to stay with her while she said good bye to son. She ran her fingers lovingly through his thick red curly hair. "Would you like a lock of his hair ?" the nurse asked.

Sally nodded yes. The nurse cut a lock of the boy's hair, put it in a plastic bag and handed it to Sally.
The mother said, "It was Jimmy's idea to donate his body to the University for Study. He said it might help somebody else. "I said no at first, but Jimmy said, 'Mom, I won't be using it after I die. Maybe it will help some other little boy spend one more day with his Mom." She went on, "My Jimmy had a heart of gold. Always thinking of someone else. Always wanting to help others if he could."

Sally walked out of Children's Mercy Hospital for the last time, after spending most of the last six months there. She put the bag with Jimmy's belongings on the seat beside her in the car.
The drive home was difficult. It was even harder to enter the empty house. She carried Jimmy's belongings, and the plastic bag with the lock of his hair to her son's room.

She started placing the model cars and other personal things back in his room exactly where he had always kept them. She laid down across his bed and, hugging his pillow, cried herself to sleep.
It was around midnight when Sally awoke. Laying beside her on the bed was a folded letter. The letter said :

"Dear Mom, I know you're going to miss me; but don't think that I will ever forget you, or stop loving you, just 'cause I'm not around to say "I Love You" . I will always love you, Mom, even more with each day. Someday we will see each other again. Until then, if you want to adopt a little boy so you won't be so lonely, that's okay with me. He can have my room and old stuff to play with. But, if you decide to get a girl instead, she probably wouldn't like the same things us boys do. You'll have to buy her dolls and stuff girls like, you know. Don't be sad thinking about me. This really is a neat place. Grandma and Grandpa met me as soon as I got here and showed me around some, but it will take a long time to see everything. The angels are so cool. I love to watch them fly. And, you know what? Jesus doesn't look like any of his pictures. Yet, when I saw Him, I knew it was Him. Jesus himself took me to see GOD ! And guess what, Mom ? I got to sit on God's knee and talk to Him, like I was somebody important. That's when I told Him that I wanted to write you a letter, to tell you good bye and everything. But I already knew that wasn't allowed. Well, you know what Mom ? God handed me some paper and His own personal pen to write you this letter. I think Gabriel is the name of the angel who is going to drop this letter off to you. God said for me to give you the answer to one of the questions you asked Him 'Where was He when I needed him ?' "God said He was in the same place with me, as when His son Jesus was on the cross. He was right there, as He always is with all His children. Oh, by the way, Mom, no one else can see what I've written except you. To everyone else this is just a blank piece of paper. Isn't that cool ? I have to give God His pen back now. He needs it to write some more names in the Book of Life. Tonight I get to sit at the table with Jesus for supper. I'm sure the food will be great.
Oh, I almost forgot to tell you. I don't hurt anymore. The cancer is all gone. I'm glad because I couldn't stand that pain anymore and God couldn't stand to see me hurt so much, either. That's when He sent The Angel of Mercy to come get me. The Angel said I was a Special Delivery ! How about that ?

Signed with Love from God, Jesus & Me.


hala, dilat na dilat na naman ako. eh kung di ba naman ako bobo at kalahati, nagkape na naman ako. anong magagawa ko eh sa masarap. nakakaadeek talaga coffee. bwiset.

ganda kanta ng silent sanctuary. asteeg. lahat maganda. simple words but full of substance. ganon dapat. nakakaadeek songs nila. im definitely gon' buy their album. uhm, actually, im gon' let my mom buy me their album. hehe. may utang pa saken yun eh. pano i got 1.5 in amath and 1.75 in circuits2 [pucha pasimpleng pagmamayabang un ah] kaya ayun. haha.

log out na ko. la na ko magawa eh. im just gon' stare at my ceiling, a part of it actually. un sulok lang kase ang may glow in the dark na stars [told yah i love stars], yoko kase ng mailaw pag natutulog, nakakadistract.

ge. tp out!
this is my blog entry for my multiply account. i know, wow. hehe :D

it hurts like hell to pretend you're happy when deep inside, you're dying. it takes a lot of effort to flash a smile when all you want to do is breakdown and cry. the saddest part of it all, you want to end the torment yet your heart just keep holding on. living in an illusion that there's still hope when all you've got are just ashes of a freakin joke.


just so everyone knows, i didn't write this myself, someone just forwarded this to me. nevertheless, this pretty much tells how i felt the past months, or years. no, im not broken hearted or anything, i guess that's just how one really feels when one is depressed. depression really suck. it eats everything related to happiness in your system. it's like when you want so bad to be happy but you just cant think of any reason why you should be. the feeling of wanting to end your life is there every freakin day. you always want to be left alone but when you are already alone, you'll start feeling that no one cares and that everyone in the world had abandoned you, with all those in mind, there's really nothing else left to do but cry. yeah i know, its pathetic and stupid but thats how it really is, well at least for me.

good thing i was able to get over it. yay me! im okay now. :D


wow. i was able to get it all out. on a public blog. how amazing am i, huh?! whew! now i feel lot better.

nagpapakadrama lang ako ngayon. i think i drank way too much coffee.


haha. main building of my school. nice noh? i dun' have any classes there, and i don't think i want to. it's kind creepy in there you know, being really really old and stuff.

adeek na naman talaga ko. kung ano ano na naman tong pinagpopopost ko. parang engot lang. ang taba ko sa pic!!!! hahaha. arte ko maglakad. kakabwisit. peste. leche.

Half Alive: Secondhand Serenade

It's four AM, I'm waking up to your perfume
Don't get up, I'll get through on my own
I don't know if I'm home
Or if I lost the way into your room
I'm spiraling into my doom
I'm feeling half alive but I know one day
You and I will be free,

To live and die by our own rules,
Despite the fact that men are fools.

I'm almost alive, and I need you to try
And save me.
It's okay that we're dying,
But I need to survive tonight, tonight.

Well excuse me while I get killed softly,
Heart slows down and I can hardly tell you I'm okay
At least 'til yesterday,
You know you got me off my highest guard,
Believe me when I say it's hard.
We'll get through this tonight
And I know one day you and I will be free

To live and die by our own rules,
Despite the fact that men are fools.

I'm almost alive, and I need you to try
And save me.
It's okay that we're dying,
But I need to survive tonight, tonight.

And you touch my hand ever so slightly
(Girl we're not ready for this yet)
And the deadly look she cast upon me
I won't regret, I won't regret
I won't regret. I won't regret...

And I was trying to disappear,
But you got me wrapped around you
I can hardly breathe without you
I was trying to disappear
But I got lost in your eyes now,
You brought me down to size now.

I'm almost alive
And I need you to try and save me.
It's okay that we're dying
But I need to survive tonight, tonight

I'm almost alive, and I need you to try
And save me.
It's okay that we're dying,
But I need to survive tonight, tonight.
I need to survive tonight, tonight


cool right?! told yah. trivia: d'yah know why secondhand serenade? well, he said that he sings all of his songs to his wife first, so basically, what everyone else hear are just secondhand serenade. sweet.

disclaimer (parang totoo ah)

whoa. okay. that was long.

i didn't realize that i typed something that long last night. well not exactly last night, it was more of, uhm, a while ago? lolz. that was my longest post to date! whoo-hoo! :D

although, i must say, that wasn't really me talking. or thinking. or typing. whatever. that's the coffee talking. haha. i was under the influence when i typed that remember? so whatever it is that i said is void and nullified. or not. i'll stick to the not. haha.

aiun. wala lang. la magawa. my mom's gon' go to the mall. she's gon' leave me here at home to watch the stupid store. again. for the nth time this so-called summer break.


i loooooovvvvvveeeee secondhand serenade! whoo-hoo! i'm gon' post the lyrics to one of his [its a one-man band] songs later. über emo. pramis! ganda! the best!

adeek na naman ako. pasensyahan nyo na lang ako. hehe.

Callalily: Destination XYZ - a review

hahaha. the title looks like its from a freakin' professional. hahaha. it looks stupid.

well, it's already past 3am and im still up. no matter what i do, i cant seem to fall asleep. maybe its the coffee. yeah, definitely the coffee.

who the heck drinks coffee at 1130pm and still expect herself to easily fall asleep? what a dumb thing do.

i luuuurrveeeee coffee. über. it makes me overly active, extremely talkative, giddy, and such things. it even makes my heart beat really fast, like when i look at my chest, i can literally see it beating. ha! aint that amazing?! only coffee can make my heart do that! not - , not --, and definitely not ---! coffee lang! beat that you stupid monkeys!

and oh, coffee can also make me do stupid stuff, like typing this stuff im typing. haha.

3.30am. [enter: cricket sound]

[hmmm, nagbabalik ang alaala ng nakalipas. ang panahon kung kailan ako'y nasa teatrong walang pangalan pa. "punyetang kama'y yan!". fuck those times. haha. no, seriously, i miss those times.]

what am i doing again? i seem to have forgotten. maybe it's really like that when thoughts get lost inside an empty brain...oh, im suppose to talk about callalily right? okay, here it is.

12 tracks. nice melody/tune or whatever music people call it. lots of lss potential. only 4 really good and meaningful songs [stars (i luv it!), take my hand, magbalik and pasan], all others, uhm, its 'nice' but there's really no substance in their lyrics, kinda like the poems i write. haha. well maybe not like my poems, basta!. read: forced rhyme (does it make sense? i dun' wanna explain further.)

im not thrashing the bands' album or anything, im just saying my opinion okay, 'coz believe me, i do like callalily. im not a big fan but i kinda like their music
[ironic, eh?], the vocals sound really good . i love stars, nice lyrics, nice everything. AND i love stars! the celestial body that twinkles and are really hot and are millions of light years away and the nearest of which to our planet, the sun, gives us heat and light and radiation and ultraviolet rays which causes cancer blah-blah-blah-yaddiyadiyadda. haha, off topic.

i used to like the vocalist, but i saw their video of 'pasan' a while ago [which, by the way doesn't give any justice to the nice lyrics of the song], and his hair was all messy and long, [what was he thinking?] he looks like a 'taong grasa' with that hair style, a rather cute 'taong grasa', i must say. haha.

i almost forgot, they're from my school! their building, educ, is like a stone throw away from ours, eng, but i never see any of them. well, i saw one of them once and that was it.


waah! enough of this nonsense. my head is really aching now and im feeling nauseous already. i really need to sleep. wish i can. im gon' try to anyways. morning! ta-ta!