31.8.07

i just got home. as in, i really just got here. im still in my uniform. no one's here. my mom's probably at the airport with my dad. tae. our house looks really gloomy, its almost depressing. i think its going to be like this for like, weeks.

nature is mocking me. it started raining just before the trike reached our house. parang movie, may foreshadowing. the fuck. im feeling downright sad. haay. sana umuwi na sila. nakakalungkot magisa. i'm all alone and i feel like crying again. if only my mom's here, then i wouldn't be feeling this sad coz at least i've someone to talk to. haay buhay.

moving on to a literally irritating subject. i think i ate something i shouldn't have, i've allergies all over my thighs and it's really itchy.

i just farted.

i think i have to go to the bathroom, my tummy's rumbling something and if i don't heed it now, it might cause a serious explosion. fuck. ayan na.

gotta go! wish me luck. xP
nasa lib ako. amazing. haha. nakakatamad. inaantok ako. gusto ko na umuwi.

pag uwi ko, wala na si daddy...

wala na magluluto ng champorado.

wala na ulet ako daddy.

next year na ulet siya babalik.

haay...

----------------------------------------

nakakainis ka.

hindi ka ba hinahanap ng parents mo?

antaggal mo na kaseng nakatambay dito sa puso ko eh....

WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hahahaha! ang adeek ko nanaman.

-----------------------------------------

sakit chan ko ah. haha.

30.8.07

asteeg na grad speech

napapaisip ako lalo tungkol sa pesteng buhay ko.

"Ngayong araw na ito, sa ating pagtatapos, mayroon akong dalang Transcript of Record. Ang estudyanteng may-ari ng transcript na ito ay nag-aral sa De La Salle University. Sa unibersidad na ito,kapag ikaw ay isang undergraduate, may ID number na nagsisimula sa "94" at pataas, kung lumipas ang isang buong schoolyear at umabot Ka sa 15 units na bagsak, masisipa ka sa paaralan.

Ang transcript na hawak ko ay mayroong 27 units ng bagsak. 12 sa mga ito ay tinamo ng estudyante sa iisang schoolyear lang. Ang isang subject ay kadalasang may bigat na 3 units. Kung iisiping mabuti, isang subject na bagsak na lang ay pwede na masipa ang
estudyanteng may-ari ng transcript na ito.

Ang speech na ito ay hindi ko ginawa para i-acknowledge ang paghihirap ng ating magulang sa pagpapaaral satin. Hindi ko din ito ginawa para maghayag ng political statement, o kumbinsihin kayo na huwag umalis sa bansa at tulungan itong maka-ahon. Ang speech na ito ay para sa mga normal na estudyante na kagaya ng may may-ari ng transcript na hawak ko, dahil madalas, wala talagang paki-alam ang unibersidad sa mga achievements nila. May mga awards na gaya ng "Summa Cum Laude", "Best Thesis Award" at "Leadership Award." Pero ni minsan, hindi pa ako nakakakita ng unibersidad na nagbigay ng "Hung on and managed to graduate despite nearly getting kicked-out during his academic stay" award.


Maaaring isang malaking kagaguhan ang konseptong ito para sa karamihan. Bakit mo pararangalan ang isang estudyanteng bulakbol, bobo, tamad o iresponsable? Hindi ba dapat isuka ito ng unibersidad? Ito yung mga tipo ng estudyanteng walang ia-asenso sa buhay, hindi ba?


Ayun. Natumbok niyo.Iyun na nga ang dahilan.


Madalas, pag ang isang estudyante ay may pangit na marka sa paaralan, lalong-lalo na sa kolehiyo, nakakapanghina ito ng loob. Nandiyan yung tatamarin ka mag-aral, nandyan yung iisipin mo "Ano pa kayang trabaho ang makukuha ko? Call center na naman o clerical? Ba't kasi ang bobo ko. Kung matalino lang ako, sana, sa Proctor and Gamble ako, o kung saang sikat na kumpanya."


Mas mahirap ang dinadaanan ng mga estudyanteng bumabagsak. Kahit na sabihin mong kasalanan nilang bumabagsak sila, hindi ninyo alam kung ano ang pakiramdam ng ganun. Madaling sabihin na "Kaya mo yan, mag-aral ka lang…" pero alam ba natin talaga ang sinasabi natin?


Kapag ang isang estudyante ay bumabagsak sa unibersidad, nandiyan yung tatawanan niya lang yan. O di kaya naman, ipagmamalaki niya pang "TAKE 5 NA KO!!!" o "Pare, magpi-PhD na ako sa Anmath3/Calculus/etc." Pero hindi alam ng mga isang Summa Cum Laude kung ano ang nasa isip ng isang normal na estudyante sa tuwing matutulog ito at alam niyang pag-gising niya, kailangan niya na naming ulitin ang isang subject na nakuha niya na sa susunod na term. Kahit kalian, hindi naging problema sa "Star Student" na sabihing "Nay, bagsak ako." at hindi kailanman sumagi sa isip nila na "Paano kaya kung sa walang-pangalang kumpanya lang ako makapagtrabaho?" Dahil sigurado sila sa kinabukasan nila.


Huwag na tayong maglokohan. Grades are everything. Kahit bali-baligtarin mo iyan, hindi magiging patas ang mga kumpanyang kumukuha ng fresh graduates para magtrabaho sa kanila. Minsan din naman, nadadaan sa palakasan, pero ganun pa din. Kung hindi ka academically good, wala kang patutunguhan. Kung hindi man yun, mas mahirap yung dadaanan mo para lang makaa-abot sa prestihiyosong posisyon.


Kaya ngayong graduation, ang speech na ito ay inaaalay ko para sa mga estudyanteng lumpagpak, muntik-muntikanan nang masipa o yung lahat ng paraang pwede, ginawa na para lang makatapos. Gagawin kong patas ang mundo para sa inyo kahit isang araw lang.Kahit ano pa ang sabihin ng ibang tao, kesyo kasalanan mo man na pangit ang marka mo o muntik ka nang makick-out, saludo ako sa hindi mo pagtigil sa pag-aaral. Saludo ako na may lakas ka ng loob na harapin pa rin ang mundo kahit pangit ang transcript mo, taas-noo ka pa rin ngayong graduation at proud na proud sa sarili mo.

Ano ngayon ang mangyayari sa mga graduates pagkatapos nitong graduation? Ayoko nang puntahan yung pwedeng mangyayari sa mga Cum Laude. Baduy. Alam mo naming me patutunguhan ang buhay nila e. Pero dun sa mga lumagpak, ano ang meron? Maaaring makakuha kayo ng mediocre na trabaho lang. Pwede ka rin swertehin, baka makapagtrabaho ka sa magandang kumpanya. Madami pang pwedeng mangyari. Huwag kayong mawalan ng pag-asa. Kung nung college, nagtiyaga kayo e…ba't titigilan niyo yung pagti- tiyaga ngayon?


Pwede ring ganito: Mag-aral ka ulit. Ipakita mo sa kanila na kung sipagin ka lang, malayo ang mararating mo. Subukan mong patunayan sa kanila na kapag pinilit mo, kaya mo ring abutin yung naabot nila. Na hindi ka bobo, kundi tinamad ka lang!

Baka sabihin ninyo, drowing lang ako. I've been on both sides. Naranasan ko na ring lumagpak, at muntikan na din akong masipa. Naranasan ko na na umulit ng 4 na beses sa iisang subject. Naranasan ko na masumbatan ng magulang, kapatid at kung sino-sino pang propesor na walang pakialam sa pakiramdam ng estuyante. Naranasan ko nang hindi makatulog ng maraming gabi sa pagiisip kung paano ko na naman sasabihin sa magulang ko na may bagsak na naman ako. Kaya alam ko ang pakiramdam ninyo.


Akin ang transcript na ito.


Pagkagraduate ko ng college, ano ang ginawa ko? Eto. Nagtrabaho muna ng konti, tapos aral ulit. Kuha ng Masteral sa kurso ko. Hindi para sa trabaho o kung ano man. Kundi para patunayan sa sarili ko na noong mga panahong bumabagsak ako, tinatamad lang ako. This is a rebellion.


I raise my middle finger to every professor, over-achiever, naysayer and detractor that told me that I can't make it. I raise my middle finger to every valedictory or graduation speech that only gratifies the university, those who were achievers in school or those who gratify the country when it's supposed to be the graduate's moment of glory. You are supposed to acknowledge EVERYONE. Even those who failed many times. Kaya sa inyong mga graduates na medyo hindi maganda ang marka, para sa inyo ito. Kung kinaya ko ito, kaya niyo rin to. Imposibleng hindi.

i don't really feel like typing anything. just logged in for the sake of logging in. im sad. so sad. really sad. im holding back my tears and im biting my lips so that no 'wailing' sound can escape my very loud mouth. my door's wide open and i can hear my dad packing his bags. the sound of things being wrapped in plastic, the sound of packaging tape being pulled, the sound of a zipper being opened and then closed again. i never thought those sounds could hurt so fucking bad. now im really crying, i can't help it. fuck. im such a crybaby. my throat hurts from trying to suppress my 'wails'.

my dad's leaving tomorrow afternoon, 1pm. that's the time he'll leave the house, the time of his flight is 5pm. i won't be able to see him off. to be honest, i really don't want to see him off coz i don't want him to see me cry like i did the last time he left for saudi.

tangina. i should be used to it by now, he's been going to KSA for as long as i can remember, he's been there and back for almost 20 years. why the heck do i always feel like shit whenever he's leaving? dapat sanay na ko, sila kat nga parang wala lang sa kanila eh.

namimiss ko na agad daddy ko. sana di na lang siya aales.

27.8.07

You Are 18% Fake

Fake doesn't even come close to describing you.
You're totally natural, and proud of who you really are!


more often than not, we fall in love with a person we can't really have; while the one who truly loves us remains either a friend or a stranger.

ouch. i got headshot! aw.


You Are 28% Happy

You're not miserable, but you could stand to be a lot happier.
Focus on what's right in the world, and you'll be happier than you ever thought possible.

life. life. life [the present to the future! waharharhar!]

you know the saying 'we slowly turn into our mother once we get older'? im starting to believe that. i used to say that i wont ever be like my mother but now, i think i've become so like her. even worse. come to think of it, becoming like my mom isn't really a bad thing, it's kinda amazing. yea, amazing.

she's super mom, you know. she can do lots of stuff in just a day, she can even move a shelf full of books when she's cleaning our house. i don't know how she do it. haha. she's that strong. and when i say 'strong', i don't just mean, physically strong. there's lots of things she doesn't tell us, she chose not to involve us in her suffering and pains just because she thinks we already have too much to handle with school and work. sometimes she'll tell me stuff just because it has become too unbearable for her.'unbearable?', you ask. she cries whenever she tells me stuff, or if not cry, she comes close to crying. but even if she have lots to deal with, she just goes on living everyday as if nothing's wrong. she's that strong, and i admire her. so much. even if i don't say it to her.

I LOVE YOU MOM!

we slowly turn into our mother once we get older

see, every time my mom leaves me to watch the house, i instantly transform into this cleaning and chore obsessed person. every bit of dirt, misplaced object and dirty dishes annoys the heck out of me. i feel the need to take care of everything, heck, if i've only grown up to love plants, i would even do my mother's gardening chore. haha. that's how crazy i get when my mom leave me at home. when she gets home, she'll be like, 'ang sarap apakan ng sahig ah, nagwalis ka?', and i'll be like, 'eh wala na kase akong magawa dito kaya ayun, nagwalis na lang ako ng buong bahay', followed by a shrug, as if it wasn't a big deal when in reality, i really want to impress her. haha. i kinda like being the domesticated me. but of course i don't want to do it everyday coz that'll just be like being a slave of my own house or something. haha.

by the way, i cooked for myself today. i know! i didn't know what came into me today, i just feel the need to cook something. i cooked a "pasta-pastahan dish" haha. i invented it. it taste kinda nice. really. even if i say so myself. hehe. here's the recipe, you guys should try it, its delish.

1/8 kilogram of pasta[any will do, i used elbow macaroni coz that's all we have here]
a small pack of spaghetti sauce
a can of tuna flakes in oil or brine or in anything that you like :)
1pc of egg
ketchup
a teaspoon of oil
salt&pepper
chopped chili [the small red ones, it's not labuyo, basta its small and red :D]
instant mashed potato[to thicken the sauce, i like my sauce thick. not so thick though]

just do what you normally do when cooking the pasta and as for the sauce, just mix everything together, but you have to make sure that the egg is really cooked first before you add all the ingredients. maybe you're wondering why there isn't any onion or garlic in the recipe, well that's because we don't have any in the kitchen. haha. so there. try it. it's good. of course it's not 'itallianis' type of 'good' but i swear it tastes really, okay. :D[im speaking for myself when i said that 'it taste good' coz im the only one at home so nobody has tasted it yet, but i left it at the table and im sure my pig of a brother will try some of it. hehe]

haha! i could pass for a wife na! as if. i don't wanna get married. well not til im 27 or 28 or 29, that's like, only 7 years from now. haha. if i go beyond that age and i'm still not married, i'll enter the convent. so please God, let me get married before that age, You don't want me to be a disgrace to the catholic church won't You?

just kidding. :D

i wonder how my married life would be, i bet i'll have a battered husband. haha. kidding. how many kids do i want to have? maybe 2 or 3? or maybe i'll just have to work real hard and earn lots of money so i could afford to have 6 or 7 kids. wahahaha!!!! im just kidding, 2 will definitely do. i wonder what it'll be like to be in a huge family. i bet it'll be supah fun.

*sigh*

im thinking too much, i'll just go to bed. still have school tomorrow which means i have to wake up really early. so goodnight to you my nonexistent reader. :D

[i'm already missing my dad and he hasn't even left yet. i cried for like, 15 minutes today just thinking about him leaving. 'cried' is an understatement. i was practically bawling in the bathroom. haaay. buhay naman talaga o.]

the girl's a major ass. i'll stop talking to about her coz she's definitely not worth my or other people's time. gawd.

im such a pig. it's already 1am and heck, im still eating french fries. and here i am wondering why im getting fat. gawd. haha! so it's just me and my brother at home again, parents went to the province, dad's leaving for work soon. very soon. this friday-soon. haay. i'll try not to think about it. anyhoo, my brother and i are supposed to watch a movie hours ago, but then he fell asleep. so there goes my 'fun' day at the mall.

im bored. there's absolutely nothing to do here at home and im tired of doing the same old shit i do every time i go online. does anybody know any fun websites i could go to to kill my ever so clingy boredom?

i guess i should go now, it's pointless to just stare at the monitor and think of something to say. words should flow out of my head into my fingers, it shouldn't be forced out. haay. cge, i'll just read my books over again. or maybe i'll go straight to bed, for a change.

ok, goodnight world! i would really love to wake up and see what surprise life has for me tomorrow. cheesy. haha. ta-ta!

1. At least 2 people in this world love you so much they would die for you.
2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.
3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.
4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.
5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep. [eeeeek! haha!]
6. You mean the world to someone.
7. If not for you, someone may not be living.
8. You are special and unique.
9. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you. [hmmmm...]
10. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.
11. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look: you most likely turned your back on the world. [maybe i should look behind me once in a while.]
12. When you think you have no chance of getting what you want, you probably won't get it, but if you believe in yourself, probably, sooner or later, you will get it.
13. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks.
14. Always tell someone how you feel about them; you will feel much better when they know. [hmmmm. you! i like you... there, i said it. haha!]
15. If you have a great friend, take the time to let them know that they are great. [i love you all!]

26.8.07



i take what i said back.




DIE BITCH!

go fuck yourself, you motherfuckin' asshole!!!


waaah! what the fuck! i was doing just fine then my stupid brain ruined everything when it decided that i should put him back in my thoughts! urgh! i was already experiencing a calm&serene melancholy, which for me is, a trance or some sort close to happiness [milan kundera =)]. im not thinking of him and im not feeling anything about everything, then just this moment, everything in my head got crazy again. i can't stop thinking of you asshole! damn that song. it completely ruined everything coz now, im grinning and feeling really giddy without any reason. fuck. parang naloloka lang. haha.

"...metaphors are dangerous. metaphors are not to be trifled with. a single metaphor can give birth to love."
-the unbearable lightness of being, milan kundera

milan kundera - he's my new favorite author and his book, the unbearable lightness of being is my new favorite book. you guys should read it. ganda. promise.

anyhoo, tae ka talaga. stop running in my head. mapapagod ka nian. wahahaha! korni. kaines ka! im writing stupid poems again because of you! waaah!!! poems that aren't like the ones i usually write. im writing love poems for heavens sake!!! waaaah!!! dapat stick lang ako sa angsty poems ko. haha! im smiling alone!!!! wahaha! okay, i'll stop na talaga. promise. i just have to think of my prelims para back to melancholy ako. haha. teka, prelims? hindi pala yun pang serene melancholy. pang mga agitata un eh. haha. yea, agitata not agitated. batangena ko eh. hehe

---

As You Wish
dropout year

have you noticed the way i notice you, the way the sky reflects of your eyes, a greenish shade of blue. i like you the way you are, I love what i've seen so far, the only thing i've grown to hate is when you doubt the words i say. please don't change a thing about you.

there's no need to wear make up when you wake up and i'm where you are, i swear i'll never let you get too far.
and i will wait up, all night long i will stay up with you, to say the words it takes to get you through.

and when it comes to friendship, i have a small confession, a common misconception, so here's your lesson of the day. i caught feelings for you, while you caught my eye and now i find that the truth is just too hard to hide when all i want was in you all along.

there's no need to wear make up when you wake up and i'm where you are, i swear i'll never let you get too far.
and i will wait up, all night long i will stay up with you, to say the words it takes to get you through.

all night long i'll keep the stereo on and we will play this song until the break of dawn.

there's no need to wear make up when you wake up and i'm where you are, i swear i'll never let you get too far
and so i will wait up, all night long i will stay up with you, and say the words it takes to get you through.

now i stand an honest man. scared to death with my heart in your hands. now you stand with my heart in yours.

yeah.

ugh! there's this girl in multiply who disses me in her blog, i think. pucha! i didn't even do anything to her! I DON'T EVEN KNOW HER! i think she got angry at me for posting something in my multiply blog about the call i got from a company and that company being a scam. she posted a negative comment then tried to add me. it's weird. and when i checked out her multiply site, voila! there's a blog there that i think is about me, or us, us being the ones who believe that the company is a scam. pucha talaga.

i think she's so involved with the company that when she found my entry, she got really pissed and then decided that she's gon' make me regret what i did. pathetic. it makes me wonder why of all the 'bloggers' who posted an entry about the same incident, she had chosen to pick on me. she's such a loser, gawd. grabe, it isn't even the company that really pissed me, it's the fuckin way they recruit people. heavens! why wouldn't we think that the company's a scam if the person who's trying to recruit you won't even answer the very essential question that is, 'what does the company do?'. and if you guys were in my position, would you not think that its a scam if the 'employer' doesn't even require you to bring a resume? i mean, duh, it's like an essential thing for recruiting someone for a job, i mean, how would you know the person's credentials if he/she doesn't have a resume with him/her.

the lurker girl even commented that i should get my facts from reliable sources, the fuck, how the heck will i do that if the person who called wont even give the company's name or tell the thing they do? shouldn't they be the one who should give the person they're trying to employ the facts? tae noh. aesaer.

i've nothing against the company, i even searched it again on google and found out that there really is such company, but i wouldn't say that it's not a scam. this is what they do: they call you and ask you to go to this certain building. when you get there, they're gon' explain what their company's for, then, they're gon' ask you to invest money in their company. on the spot yun. that's why they're not telling the caller what they really do, which is hoard money from people, because once they say that its a pyramid, the person they called won't be interested anymore; pyramid having a bad, uhm, something here in the philip of pines. if the way they recruit people isn't a scam, then i really don't know what a scam is.

tae talaga. damn recruiters, they've no recruitment etiquette [naks]. damn lurker girl. die bitch. haha. kidding.

oh, there's this guy in multiply who commented in the same entry that i was talking about, he's funny. takte, his story is, some gay guy asked for his cell number in a bookstore, saying that he'll give him a job or something something. could the job that the gay guy was pertaining to be, BJ and not the pyramid thingy?!!! wahahaha!!!! =)) wahahaha!!! that's the first thing that entered my mind the moment i read the phrase 'sexy time' in his entry. wahaha!

haha!!! ok im gon' stop thinking bout it now. haha!

gotta go-s cheerios! :D

-------
edited
-------

have any of you guys seen the movie die hard 4.0? COOL NOH!!!! haha. i so badly wanted to be a hacker or anyone good in dealing with computer stuffs after the movie was over. i watched it on pirated dvd, just so you guys know. haha. waaah! i don't care if i get labeled as a geek, i already am, i really want to learn how to do all those shit. its too fuckin cool!!! haha.

im such a loser. but i don't care, at least im a brainy loser. haha! as if!

24.8.07

takte ang gwapo netong guy na to. the heck with miggy, william's way hotter, no fuckin doubt about it. haha!


see what i mean, huh? told yah. look at those eyes. and that teeny-weeny-really-cutesy lips. shet perfect! haha! adeek na naman ako. powta! haha

-edited-
*what's up with cute guys in tight clothes? jeeez. tight pants shit. i wonder how they put it on and how they take it off. haha.
yahoo! prelims are over! woohoo!!!!

my dad's leaving next week...

damn. it's been three months already? i hardly felt it. pucha. im being too bitchy and bratty to my dad this whole week, i didn't know he's gon' be leaving for work next week na. grabe talaga. it's been always like this for us-me, my mom and my brother. just as we were getting used to having our dad around, it's time for him to leave. i wish he never had to leave. haay. buhay. asaer.

auin. wala lang.

tae.

----
hey! you! are you trying to avoid me, huh?! punyeta ah! if there's something i did or didn't do, tell me. hindi yung naglolog out ka pag OL ako...tsss. pansin ko lang ah. asaer. kala mo naman ibubuzz kita. utot. kala mo jan, di mo na ko namimiss. sayang...miss pa naman na kita. bahala ka, jan ka nalang sa bitch mo, don't you ever call me ---- again ha. dickhead. haha.

[this senseless paranoia was brought to you by chia magsino :D]
----


22.8.07

fake it. fuck it. feck it.

now here's the real post.

part1: fake it.

"laughter isn't always the best medicine, sometimes, its just the best disguise."

yea, i totally agree. i do it all the time. im the master of empty laughters and phony smiles. ugh! poser? faker? nah. im just trying to cope with 'the circle of life'.

part2: fuck it.

this day suck. totally. ugh! everyone today just seems to be too, uhm, insensitive? i dunno, i don't think insensitive is the word, annoying, perhaps? yea, annoying. super annoying. no, BEYOND ANNOYING. basta, this day fucking suck, same as everyday of my ever-so-sucky life.

breathing seems to get harder each day. fuck, emo.

tae. i really hate this feeling. i like it better when im not feeling anything, yung tipong parang lutang lang. parang nun after ng exam, lutang. then everyone started talking about their exams and totally ruined the blissfull lutang feeling [ironic, eh?]. truth started sinking in - pucha, bagsak nanaman. i should've gone home right after the test para lutang lang, unlike now, crushed.

i know i told myself that i wont cry just because my day didn't go the way i want it to, pathetic kase, napaghahalatang im too much of a loser, pero pucha! its hard pala. fuck. im such a crybaby. pathetic. what's even worse is that nobody seems to care that im feeling really shitty and all, like my mom, she totally added fuel to the already burning angst-anxiety-depression combo when she yelled at me just because i was standing at the door, what's up with that diba? breaking point, pare. my tears burst, take note: burst, not fell. haha. haha? haha. boohoo.

i've no signal, my phone i mean. none of my friends are online. i've no one to talk to. no one but myself. yea, i talk to myself, creepy huh?

so much for technology and friendship
. tsss. emo. i could die right now and nobody would probably care. i don't blame anyone for not caring. im a bitch, a shithead, a pain in the ass. caring for me kills(?). tangina. naiiyak na naman ako.

[che ano ba?! keep yourself together. puta naman. tonight's not the night for you to burn out. you still have exams tomorrow and the day after that. after your exams, ayun. pwede na. dammit! - me, talking to, who else? me.]

part3: feck it.

im a whiner. hell yea! thats what blogs are for. dammit!

*screams really loud*

ayan, i think im good. for now.
i used to think that objective type of exams are the easiest among all type of exams. apparently, i was wrong. feck it. yea, feck.

*sigh*

why can't teachers just give their students poison or something? i mean, why go through the hassles of making and giving out exams when they could kill us all with just a drop of poison? that would be way easier and pain free. gawd, why do we have to go through all these tortures? WHY DO I HAVE TO GO THROUGH ALL THESE TORTURES?!! WHY?!!! fuck. feck.

***

anxiety level: ||||||||||

all time high. haha.

confidence level: ||

all time low.

apathy level: *exceeds meter*

haaay. why does everything have to become harder once we grow up? too much of everything. too much. it gets harder. fuck.feck.

***
"...now i stand an honest man. scared to death with my heart in your hands. now you stand with my heart in yours."

21.8.07

blanched.

lame. lame. lame.

to my always sweaty, ass of a professor: when you say that 'the exam is going to be an objective type of exam', what do you really mean by objective? coz i seriously think that what you have prepared doesn't go under the category 'objective'. gawd.

to you-whom-i-refuse-to-name: stop looking at me like that, will you? [ok, im having a filngera attack. haha]

to the most annoying girl in the room: stay out of my sight, ok?! gawd, you are annoying! do you know that? you annoy the heck out of me. uhm, lemme correct that, you annoy the heck out of me AND jhanne. haha. seriously. stop being annoying. its not funny.

to the one i kept locked inside my, uhm, closet(?) haha: tae. that's all i want to say to you. tae. and oh, i saw the sign, i hope it blinds you. haha.

to myself: YOU ARE SUCH A LAZY BASTARD! GET OFF THE PC AND STUDY FOR ECE, YOU STUPID MORON! GAWD, HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TELL YOU TO STUDY? PRELIMS TO! YOU'RE LIFE MAY NOT DEPEND ON IT, PERO STILL, PRELIMS TO! NOW STUDY! DO IT!!!!!


20.8.07

y'all are probably tired of hearing me say this, but, again, I'VE EXAMS TOMORROW!!!! as usual, im too lazy to study. here's the proof. where? here. instead of studying, here i am, blogging, feeling lazy as shit.

woke up at three in the afternoon today. my gawd, i know. i, too, was shocked when i saw the time. grabe, when i looked at myself in the mirror, puta! i looked like a bloated fish or something! haha. i looked scary. haha. when my parents saw me, they were like, 'ui good morning! one down, two to more to go.' haha. turns out i wasn't the last one who got up, my brother and cousin are still snoozing pala. lazy bastards. haha!

i had a walk today. alone. it was nice, even though i was walking alone. in the subdivision. alone. ALONE. ALONE! did i make my point clear? haha. afternoon walks shouldn't be spent alone, heavens! or maybe it should be? haha. whatever. who cares? i don't. really.

i think i should do it more often. afternoon walks. contemplating while walking, it wasn't as bad as i thought it would be, ayos naman pala. i guess what im trying to say is, it wasn't depressing or anything. thinking about it, it's kinda rejuvenating, enlightening. haha. im being damn emo again. i wish we have a park here in our subdivision, you know, like central park or something. asa! haha!

anyhoo, a lot like love was on star world this afternoon. ashton kutcher is really the cutest guy ever. haha. i wish all guys look like him. hot! sssssszzzzzzz. haha.

uhm, it's already 9:41 pm. i'll start reviewing at 10pm. haha. see, im not lazy. i even have a schedule for my 'review'. hmmmm.

hmmmm. i've been thinking. do i really have to review for pspice and social teachings of the church? i think i'd do just fine with only my stock knowledge, don't you guys think so? uhm, so i'll probably just ditch the 'review' and continue doing nonsense things here in the net. haha. maybe im the real lazy bastard and not my brother. haha. im really starting to believe that i am. haha!


BAWAL FILINGERO DITO HA! MAMAYA FILINGERO KA TAPOS MAGFIFILING KA NA IM PERTAINING TO YOU. FUCK YOU. UTOT MO.

KUNG ISA KANG FILINGERO, THEN LEAVE MY BLOG LIKE, RIGHT NOW! PUCHA! GO! AKO LANG ANG FILINGERANG PWEDE DITO! HRMF!
waaah! i take back what i've said about me liking emo guys. 'semikal' guys are way hotter than emo guys!!! wahaha!

"ayos magsimba kung paglabas ay may mga kalbong cutie na makikita!!!!"

wahaha!!!!

***



he's hot noh, don't you think so? pouty lips pa. luv it! haha.




but he's way hotter. sizzling pucha! perfect! pag nakita mo pa abs nyan, patay na! patay ka na! haha.

***

tangina naman walang magawa.

naalala ko lang, may kanta na bago un high school musical 2, you are the music in me ang title. may line don na 'to hear your voice above the noise...'. tae. that's my freakin line kaya. line stealer! haha. filingera ko talaga. eh aken kaya yun line na yun, binlog ko pa nga yun eh.

ngaun, i hear his voice, pero wala naman noise dito. baliw na ko. haha! tangina talaga!

"...and i can't get a hold of him, what's a crush to do when you can't get through."


***

i think super typhoon egay had turned me into an insomniac. fuck. feeling siguro ng body ko bakasyon na. hindi talaga ko makatulog ng ayos. anla! lagi nalang past 3am ako nakakatulog. ampangit sa feeling. whenever i think of him parang lumulutang ang feeling. ayoko ng insomniac ako. ayoko ng eyebags na malaki and maitim. waaah! pilitin niyo nga ko matulog ng maaga. ampangit naman na 3am ako nakakatulog tapos 430am gigising na ko dahil may pasok. fuck yun diba? haay.

random thoughts:

kadire yun face ko ngaun. ang oily na. eeeewww. haha.
ampangit ng post na to. tagalog. haha.
gusto ko ng kape. malamang makatulog ako pag nagkape pa ko noh? haha.
meron ako bago pj's, ancutie.
may bago ako mug, luv it! new mug=more coffee!
di ako nag number2 ngaun. what's new?
ang cool ng beautiful girl na version ni jojo. wala lang.
si kuya bakit madaming condom sa drawer? eeewww eh.
and sakit ng joints ko sa legs. fuck rayuma.
naglaho ka na.
haaay.
haaay.
pipilitin ko na nga matulog. super nonsense tong ginagawa ko. tae.

goodnight! sweet dreams! dream of me ha! haha! imbang adeek mo chia!

19.8.07

have you ever promised yourself anything? you know, like a new years' resolution. i did. im not really a 'fan' of new years resolutions coz i always end up not doing it and i always feel bad whenever i realize that i broke the stupid resolution. anyway, i promised myself that if ever i find a book that really makes me shiver to the bones, i'll buy it right there and then. dorky, i know, but what do you expect? im a self-confessed dork.

anyhoo, i broke that promise and i've never been more regretful in my life than today. ok, oa un fragment na 'never been more regretful in my life than today', but i really really felt bad. pucha. i almost cried at the mall, its pathetic. what happened was, i found this book - a million little pieces, today at national bookstore. i've been trying to get a hold of it for almost an agonizing year now, and i found it lying unnoticed in one of the shelf of national bookstore [muka ngang hin siya unnoticed kase parang madaming nagbabasa sa kaniya]. you could just imagine how 'kilig'[yeah, books make me feel like im in love. lolz] i was the moment i saw it. i was gonna buy it na eh, then the stupid thought of asking my mom for an opinion entered my head and it ruined everything for me. why, you ask? coz when i came back it wasn't where i hid it anymore!!! i asked the sales lady if there's any copy left and guess what?!! WALA NA!!! tae talaga!!! i was holding back my tears while we were walking out of nbs, para kong batang kawawa na hindi binilihan ng toy ng mommy niya. waaah! i really really really, as in so badly want that book!!! waaa!!!! babalik ako sa tuesday, tatanong ko kung meron na ulet. hrmf!

message ko don sa bumile: 'tae ka! you ruined my day!!!"

18.8.07

uhm, bored.

i've a new template! ^______^ im so happy oh!

haha. wala lang. bored. bored. bored.

bored. bored. bored.

bored. bored..ok i gotta stop typing that, its annoying.

****

uhm, galeng ko na noh? magedit ng template ng iba, i mean. haha. ampangit kaya nun original niyan. haha. im so good. i can't help it. haha. ano ba to, im kissing my own ass. haha. ganon talaga, im so proud of what i've done eh. i tried changing the background image but it didn't turn out as nice as the original one. i really wish i could change the pic, i want to erase the word 'emo boy'. im not a boy kaya. haay.

.
..
...
....

i read my previous posts. wala lang.

why do we keep on lying to ourselves? is it because it makes us feel better?

.......

i wonder...wala lang. tsss.
i've a new template! im so happy oh, can you see? ^______^

haha. wala lang. bored. bored. bored.

bored. bored. bored.

uhm, galeng ko na noh? magedit ng template ng iba, i mean. haha. ampangit kaya nun original niyan. haha. im so good. i can't help it. haha. ano ba to, im kissing my own ass. haha. ganon talaga, im so proud of what i've done eh. i tried changing the background image but it didn't turn out as nice as the original one. i wish i could the pic, i really want to erase the word 'emo boy'. im not a boy kaya. haay.

.
..
...
....

i read my previous posts. wala lang.

why do we keep on lying to ourselves? is it because it makes us feel better?

.......

waah! fresh, hot and patok quote coming through.

[quote] 'it's easy to fall in love, the hard part is finding someone to catch you..' -Bertrand Russel

patok! lol

i just woke up. woke up as in, i-haven't-brushed-my-teeth-nor-washed-my-face woke up. haha! it's official, im a certified blog addict. haha.

*sniff sniff*

tilapia!!!! yum! imma wash up now, gotta get ready for lunch. haha. laterz.
tangina kinikileg ako! wahaha! i asked for something and the answer was yes...or was it just coincidence? nah! it can't be, coincidence hate me kaya. haha! i didn't ask a person ah, i asked the big guy up there! *look up*

*grabe bagyo. katakot.

17.8.07

what the fuck?! there's no classes tomorrow?! again?!!! crap. 2 weeks prelims. phewsshhhh. oh well, i didn't study anyway so i guess its all good. im still all by myself, my parents' still aren't home, i haven't eaten anything but crackers and coffee. is that bad? guess not coz im still alive, there's menudo in the fridge but im just too lazy to cook rice. i 'd much rather starve than cook. haha!

im so bored. i hate this no classes thing, i don't get my allowance if there's no class. im going broke! haha. hahahaay. why are rainy days depressing? is it just me who gets depress when it rains? haay. i woke up at around 2pm and i swear i wouldn't had gotten up if i hadn't thought of me getting fat from way too much sleep. pathetic. im obsessed with my weight. how sad is that?

every time i see all those skinny girls on tv i feel really sad. damn insecurities. i hate them skinny girls. i dunno, maybe because my arms'll never be as thin as theirs, my waist'll never be that small, i'll never be that tall, haaay. tae talaga. im a girl with a million insecurities. pero when i read articles bout all these skinny girls, tangina, i feel so lucky i ain't like them. anggaganda na nila tapos kung ano ano pa iniisip nila. buti pa ko, keri lang. haha. tae.

un last last post ko, naisip ko na kung sino un 'you' don. haha. gawd, pathetic talaga.
You Are Very Skeptical

Your personal motto is: "Prove it."
While some ideas, like life after death, may seem nice...
You aren't going to believe them simply because it feels good.
You let science and facts be your guide... Even if it means you don't share the beliefs of those around you.

16.8.07

waaah! what was the deal with my previous post?! putangina! who the fucking hell was i saying 'i love you' to? na-ticktockticktock ako don ah?! im digging into my empty brain, trying to figure out who that person is and heck i still dunno who it is! it can't be 'perfect hair' guy coz im totally over him. haha. the fuck. maybe its...mmmmm....dunno.

i think i had caffeine overdose last night, well more of this morning. tae! please remind me that too much coffee is bad, i always seem to forget that. its the smell. it lures me to take more and more til i go crazy and suddenly do crazy things like the one i did this morning! tae!

well it's not really that crazy but i don't usually have that big of an emo outbreak, you know, so it's pretty much a 'crazy thing' for m.

so, i have to go now. discipline tol. back to school immersion-electromagnetics immersion-tatang immersion. haha. fuck.

and oh, my parents are out of town again. they went to the province, fiesta and all. its really crappy coz i really want to go but i can't coz i've the 'exams', you know. haay, oh well. so they're out of town and whenever they are, i just turn into this domesticated version of me. you know, its like i suddenly turn into my mom. eh ang OC ko pa naman, every tiny bit of dirt annoys me. so there. wala lang. have to go. bwisit school eh. haha.

i wonder if its possible to like transefer my entire blog to livejournal. see, when i first started blogging, i was thinking if i should go for lj or blogger, i chose the latter obviously. but now, i think lj is cooler. wala lang. sige na nga. buhbye!
putangina! ang lakas ng ulan! bagyo na talaga!!!

i love you[<-cno ba tong 'you' na to?! di ko din lam eh. ay bobo, i love you for no one? tanga.], ok?! putangina, who cares if you can't love me back, im not asking you to love me. pero if you can, please do.

punyeta.

wait, i haven't told you pala, and i have no fucking plan to tell you. so why am i so being emotionally pathetic? wala lang. just because it's pouring cows and horses outside, i thought i should pour out my emotions too. haha. stupid.

wahaha! what the fuck is wrong with me? im listening to 'only one' for god-knows-how-many-times already. hindi naman ako lasing, malabo yun since nasa bahay ako with my parents and i've never gotten really drunk pa since i started to drink noh. hindi naman din ako drugged. how could i be? im broke. and i don't do drugs. i'm never gon' do drugs mga punyetang chismoso.

why the sudden outburst of emotions? you tell me. i've no fucking idea. *sigh* maybe because...putangina this is so fucking hard to admit so give me a second...hmm, maybe because everyone around me are hooking up and i feel so damn alone? yeah, that's it. everyone's just too fucking insensitive to notice. im happy for them and all that, pero pucha it's so hard to convince yourself that you're ok with what's goin on when you're really not di ba? ok, this is so pathetic, im starting to cry.

*i feel so broken up, and i give up, i just want to tell you so you know...*

tangina bullshit! ano ba tong kagagaguhang nangyayari saken? this is so typical of me. thoughts of being alone for the rest of my life always enter this airy head of mine. bullshit. why am i even thinking of being alone? let alone, for the rest of my life? tae! 20 palang ako noh. bente! sobrang bata ko pa para magiisip na ganitong bagay pakshet! or am i?! waaaah! fuck all doubts! of course i am! aargh! i hate this. i hate me. this is not right kase eh. tae talaga. im just gon' stop this emo-ness. imma wash all these stupid feelings off and go straight to bed.

tangina, this one of the many reasons why i hate rainy days, much more, 'bagyo' days. the fuck.

and oh, if you're a relative of mine and you're reading this, do me a favor, ignore all these kasentihan posts and let's go on with our lives and be hapi hapi nalang ok? wala tayong asaran or even mention-an ng kahit ano dito, you hear?

im out. and no, im not gon' continue crying once i get into bed. im so over this feeling. yea, just like that[snap]. there.

wait lang, just so we're clear. im really happy for all my friends who got love struck. swear. i guess what im not happy about is the fact that all of them are happy and i am so not. labo, pero still, we clear? good.

15.8.07

is it that obvious that i've nothing to do today? well actually, there's a lot to do, i just don't want to do it yet. haha. classes were suspended today. classes are suspended tomorrow. hopefully, classes won't be suspended the day after tomorrow.

lemme make this clear, i don't like school that much but i don't want to worry about my exams forever. if classes will be suspended again, it means that prelims will get rescheduled till next week. no one wants that. i could be out and already having fun with my girls noh[not exactly, mah lifes's a fucking bore. boo!], but no, may exams paden.

pero kahit may exams ng tuesday tuloy na tuloy ang pagnood namen ni jhanne ng USTvsUE game sa sunday! woohoo! UE is ooo gonna lose to UST! we're streak breakers eh! y'all Thomasians out there, support our team. sunday, cuneta astrodome, i dunno the exact time but most probably 2nd game tau. do it!

***

singit ko lang to. dang! haha!




Emo Boyfriend
Name
DOB
Favourite Color
His Name Adam
His Looks/Style Curly-ish brown hair, brown eyes, tan skin, labret pierced, tight tshirts, tight pants, skate shoes
How you met School
How he tells you he loves you Sits outside your house at 2 in the morning and plays guitar and sings (very well) "Only One" by Yellowcard
What he calls you Baby
How far you've gone just kissing and holding hands *blush*
This quiz by _shelovedaboy - Taken 3650 Times.

haha! tae. ain't this cute? i love 'only one' pa naman. patok! haha!

***

hmmm, here i am, doing nothing when i should be studying. i hate school! most times. haha!

baboosh muna, baklaan sessions with mimon. hehe.

baboosh!




[quote]

"sure, the steak was overcooked, but do you have to eat it all up before you complain?!"

[quote]

08/15

you were sitting there,
alone, contemplating your notes.
i stared at you.
you didn't even look up,
but it was ok,
i didn't want you to anyway.
looking at you, i realized,
you're not that cute, you never were.
you look stupid, but i don't really care.
your hair's perfect.
nothing else really matter.

just you and your perfect hair.
look at the time. look at that time. oh...crap? haha! i still haven't started memorizing, i haven't even read anything!!! haha. so much for a week of school immersion, huh. oh well, bahala na bukas.

so, exams. what happened, you ask. uhm, aiun. BLANKO. haha! i didn't exactly bleed in all places but nonetheless, i bled. haha! good thing jhanne was sitting right beside me, we're a tag-team eh! haha!

moments before the exams, jhanne and i were laughing our ass off, i was practically falling off my chair. what were we talkin about? blood pare! haha. nosebleed, blood leaking out of our ears, putting tampons in our ears, blood spraying all over the place. twas so fucking hilarious, i can't put it into words. everyone was quietly studying and there we were, noisily cracking too many jokes, not caring that everyone else was studying. haha. parang kinabag nga ako kakatawa kanina eh. haha. twas the best laugh ive had for the longest time. ok, senti na switch na. haha.

ano pa? 12.17am na. di pa ko nagbabasa. cge na nga, game na. tulog na ko. wahaha!

12.8.07

tang ina! i feel like shit. wala talaga kong kwenta. im such a bad friend. waah. im so not good in giving advices, much more, words of comfort. tae.

im really sorry. pucha.

i hate this. im always out of words everytime my friends tell me their problems. im a good listener but i was never good in giving advices. never. talking to me is almost the same as talking to the wall, or the ceiling, or a dummy, except for the occasional 'uhuh'. tae noh. i will so not want to be my own friend. takte.

SORRY.
hoa! can't believe that someone likes uber skinny&tall emo guys too! it just suck coz she actually gets to be with guys like that. no one's like that in ust eng. haha.

waah! nothing is cooler than a guy with a perfect hair. emo hair, in particular. lolz. im crazy. and stupid. and nonsense. haha. but who cares. do you? well, fuck you. haha.

oh, ust won against dlsu! woohoo! luv it! victory is fucking sweet. in your face ty tang! yabang! haha.

haay, 5am na pala. fuck. gotta go to bed. school immersion tomorrow. prelims and all that crappy school stuff.

nytnyt y'all!

***

ayoko na, i edited this post coz jajan's making fun of me, i want to delete it na nga kaso i thought, 'nobody else except me and jan are reading my blog anyway', so, edit edit na lang. ha! galet tau. hrmf!
whoa! why the fuck am i still up?!! i've to review for exams pa kaya. im the queen of crammers talaga. lolz.

i landed on mich dulce's[i didn't know she was on pbb. haha. i didn't know her at all pala. engot ko, i should've, she's so cool eh. i love her na. haha.] site while i was searching for anything about bloc party. tang ina! its so fuckin unbelievable! someone's out there who's so like me when it comes to guys. haha. we both like skinny emo guys! haha! dammit! akala ko ako lang mahilig sa payat na matangkad na may uber nice hair. lolz. i'd die if my friends find out na mahilig ako sa payat, non-stop asaran na naman yun. haha! aiun.

im having hormonal breakout again. is there such thing? haha. im thinking, tang ina 20 na ko and i haven't been to a real gimik. damn my parents for being too strict. still love them, though. wish i had friends whom i could just call and ask to go out and party whenever i want to. tae. puro kase kame mga fucking dorks sa high school ko. all school and no partying. i know, boo. haha. haay. imma go to sleep na nga, my mom's gon get mad at me na eh. haha.

night world!

11.8.07

You Are Heineken

You appreciate a good beer, but you're not a snob about it.
You like your beer mild and easy to drink, so you can concentrate on being drunk.
Overall, you're a friendly drunk who's likely to buy a whole round for your friends... many times.
Sometimes you can be a bit boring when you drink. You may be prone to go on about topics no one cares about.
woot! finally! UST won against DLSU! after oh-so-many-years, we won! haha. sweet revenge. over time!!! nice game. too bad i wasn't able to watch, we were going to but the guys decided to back out. again. they always do that, back out, i mean. hate it when we plan to do things and won't be able execute. <- stupid sentence. haha.

love the song from plain white t's. a lonely September. here's the lyrics.

PLAIN WHITE T'S LYRICS

"A Lonely September"

I'm sittin' here all by myself
just tryin' to think of something to do
Tryin' to think of something, anything
just to keep me from thinking of you
But you know it's not working out
'cause you're all that's on my mind
One thought of you is all it takes
to leave the rest of the world behind

[Chorus]
Well I didn't mean for this to go as far as it did
And I didn't mean to get so close and share what we did
And I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did
And you didn't mean to love me back, but I know you did

I'm sittin' here tryin' to convince myself
that you're not the one for me
But the more I think, the less I believe it
and the more I want you here with me
You know the holidays are coming up
I don't want to spend them alone
Memories of Christmas time with you
will just kill me if I'm on my own

[Chorus]
Well I didn't mean for this to go as far as it did
And I didn't mean to get so close and share what we did
And I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did
And you didn't mean to love me back

I know it's not the smartest thing to do
we just can't seem to get it right
But what I wouldn't give to have one more chance tonight
One more chance tonight

I'm sittin' here tryin' to entertain myself with this old guitar
But with all my inspiration gone it's not getting me very far
I look around my room and everything I see reminds me of you
Oh please, baby won't you take my hand
we've got nothing left to prove

[Chorus]
Well I didn't mean for this to go as far as it did
And I didn't mean to get so close and share what we did
And I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did
And you didn't mean to love me back, but I know you did

And I didn't mean to meet you then
we were just kids
And I didn't mean to give you chills
the way that I kiss
And I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did
And you didn't mean to love me back but I know you did
Don't say you didn't love me back 'cause you know you did
No, you didn't mean to love me back
But you did

just another crap i wrote

i dunno when i wrote this. basta nung bagyo to. nung walang pasok. xP

it's raining.
and like the heavy rain,
my emotions too, are pouring.
i can't believe this is even happening,
thoughts of only you just keep on coming.
heck! i swear i'd drown if i don't stop thinking.
i so miss you and everything about you
and i really do hate you for not calling.
im hanging here without a clue,
of what i really am to you.
fuck you.

8.8.07

ok, so i've been working on my stupid essay since this morning and guess what?! i still haven't finished any of the two and i haven't even started on the third one. great. just great. i was reading what i've done and i think its really stupid. grabe im such a bad writer. oh well. so much for self esteem noh. haha.

i just heard on the radio that classes are also suspended tomorrow. just another day of agony. haha. im so bored. there's absolutely nothing to do or even eat here. my pc is fucked up. fuck.

tang ina! i miss him so much it hurts. something inside me is telling me that i should stop this craziness over him.

CRAP!!!

i know. i really should.

fuck.
im through, i mean done, with my reviewers. essay na lang. tae. di ako magaling mag-essay eh. you know how my blog entries always aren't cohesive and unified? ganon mga essay ko. puro emphasis pero lang unity and cohesion. haha. oh well, i at least got to try diba...

7.8.07

i know i could never have him. ever. but why the bloody hell do i feel like i do?! every single cell in my body right now is telling me that he's the one for me. the one for the moment, at least.

he's so like me. at least that's what i think. we're both kind of a loner. we both have this fuck-the-world-leave-me-alone attitude. wouldn't it be better if we just create our own little world?! haha! im crazy, i know. i crack myself up lots of times, really.

haay, this is so frustrating. he's the one person i badly want to be with at the moment and it really suck coz i know i'd never get to be with him, ever. tang ina talaga. im so screwed coz i chose to fall for him, of all people. tae. tae. tae.
im sitting in our living room, watching 'never been kissed' on star movies, trying to figure out what i'd do next; study in advance for the prelims or start doing my essay for social teachings of the church. fuck.

i'm always like this. always been like this. every time i plan to do something, something almost always seem to stop me. laziness, i guess. gawd! i swear it's wrecking my studies. but maybe its not really me, the problem i mean. maybe it's the weather; the way it always seem to make you feel like going to bed, or maybe its the situation; the way the television suddenly show something you've been wanting to watch for so long. yea, it ain't my fault.

rawr! feeling to lethargic.

oh. i dreamt of him. again. for the umpteenth time. *some text missing due to author's major kaartehan* i hate how this stupid frisson thing keeps me up all night. i have dark circles around my eyes and its not because of studying late. it's him. fuck him. i like him too much, like i've never liked anyone before. fuck this brain of mine. wish it'd stop thinking too much of him. gawd, i really do miss him. *some text missing again, maarte talaga ko. haha*

gawd this is so pathetic. i am so pathetic.

ok i'll just start studying. right about now.

nyorks! haha!!!

5.8.07

Yay! UST won against ADMU! 74-86! I was there, watching live! I was watching LIVE and UST won! This only means that im not the jinx!!! Woohoo!!! Haha. Twas really fun, I didn’t feel like going at first, when I found out that, uhm, never mind. im really happy for them, besides it;s not like they have to tell me everything, right? what am i saying? Haha. i love ust!!! ONE FOR UST!!!

Gawd! Why does Chris Tiu have to be so friggin’ cute?!! He’s the epitome of cuteness. Haha. I so love him!!!! Didn’t get to see him up close but twas all right coz I can clearly see him from where we were seated. I love him more when he missed all the shots he attempted to make. Haha.

Guess where I am right now.

Im in Batangas. went here right after the game. The traffic was horrible! It usually just take us 2hours at the most to get to batangas, but yesterday it took us 4 long fucking hours!!! Just imagine how traffic it was. Gawd.

*sigh*

There’s absolutely nothing to do here. Im bored down to my spine. Well there was a small gathering a while ago at the resort but it wasn’t all that fun, I don’t really know most of the people. Just so you know, it was my ninong and ninang’s silver wedding anniversary. Aiun. Just a small family gathering, nothing grand or anything.

I wish I could go to the mall right now, oh, I wish I have money to go to the mall pala. Sale kase eh. Sa SM north edsa. Aiun. I so want to buy a bag or a skirt or a book or flip-flops or a cd or or a shirt or a make-up brush set from the body shop or the cute make-up store at the main mall. goodness! I need to find a job so I could buy all these. Haha.

I feel sleepy. Gotta go sleep. Haha. Im such a bum. Pucha. Kaya ang taba ko eh. Haha.

Im outta here.

*pics* n_n

74-87!!! rawr!!!

3.8.07

im currently addicted to miguel chavez of chicosci. actually, make that soooooo addicted. haha. there's nothing wrong with that, right? i mean, everybody gets really infatuated with someone once in there life, right? and me, liking someone i don't personally know nor will i ever know, is not really an isolated case right? haha.

i had a crush on him way back the time when his hair's still fiery red, looking like someone who's doing drugs and is too scrawny in his baggy clothes. saw them in mtv. liked him instantly. they weren't as popular before as they are now; they play rap-metal-rock-loud-screaming-ish music, believe it or not, i love their songs from back then.

now they've gone mainstream which is real cool and all. glitz and glamour. now, almost everyone know chicosci and i hate it. haha. im a selfish bitch. i like being one of the few who knows them, you know. haha. and also, they're so much better-looking now than before. mong was sporting dreadlocks before eh. hehe. miggy's wearing make-up now, not make-up make-up, just eyeshadow or/and eyeliner or whatever, i don't really care coz he's the only pinoy guy i know who looks oh-so-cute with eyeshadow on. and i lurve his tattoos. it looks clean and neat on his skin, i usually hate tattoos, mind you. haha. haay.

enough of this foolishness na nga. parang timang lang. dati kay kean ako addict tapos before that kay adam levine tapos lots of different popular guys pa. haha. im just a fan who gets really crazy and kinda carried- away at times, times like this. haha. nag-aadict lang ako. haha.

oh, now i remember why i had a crush on my former classmate, toning. he kinda looks like miggy! haha. just kinda but not really. haha.

[i can't fall. it simply just can't happen. i can't afford to get my heart broken again. should i tell him what im feeling? fuck naman kase eh. *this is a totally different topic now, okay* you keep me up all night, you know?! can't stop thinking of you kase eh. dammit!]
woohoo! guess what? no classes today! and the best news of all: classes will resume on thursday pa! woohoo! thats 6 days of being away from school. yay!

we're gon' watch ateneo-ust game tomorrow in cuneta. it'll be fun! i hope really hope we'll win. i got my fingers crossed!

1.8.07

stupid gay bisaya professor!!! enough said.