i hate the way you always turn up in my dreams but never in real life...screw you for that.


i had a dream last night. i am pretty positive that you were there. i didn't see you, you were with me in my dream along with our friends. i heard your voice, ever so clear. your voice, just your voice, echoing from somewhere near.

i can't believe that even my dreams are clearing things out for me - i can never be with you.


bitterness. can't stop thinking bout the fob concert. crap.


sold out na... :'(

you are:

the voice in my head. the pain in my chest that never goes away. the freakin wood under my bed. the nail that's being drilled into my head. the annoying buzz in my moment of silence. the light flashes i see. the annoying tinga stucked in my wisdom tooth. the hangnail i can't bite off. the itch on my back. the heart i've fallen into.

this suck. i thought shove this feeling away already. i thought i've already made myself believe that i was just caught in the moment. ugh! what did i do to deserve such torture?! what have you done to me, huh?! i can't believe i fell into you're luring, uhm, something. bleargh!


CHRIS TIU: win or lose you're the guy i choose! hahaha!

ateneo lost to la salle by a mere point and because of that, they're gon' be the ones our team will be battling with on i-still-don't-know-when. its gon' be a do or die game where the losers will be rank four in the league. i've all my fingers crossed, both hands and both feet. hehe.

i so badly want to watch fob's concert here in manila!!!! my heart beats twice as fast every time i hear or see an fob commercial, song or video. waah! anyone want to be my sponsor?! come on! i know you guys want to watch too, so why not buy an extra ticket and bring me along with you?! sounds like a lot of fun right?! haha! ugh! why does their freakin concert ticket have to cost that much?!!! i could already buy a really nice external hard disk with 5k and i'd still have a change! waaah! it's not that im a cheapskate[actually, i am. hehe.], im just being practical here. it's really hard to save money kaya tapos i'll just spend it on one night of pure and absolute fun, no way?!

no way?! hmmm...

one night of fun sounds really good to me...hmmmm. waaah! this is torture! come on! will someone watch fob with me! gen ad lang oh. yes, gen ad - masa juice and all. hahaha. this is so frustrating and not to mention agitating. the concert's just one night away and i still haven't decided whether i'd watch or not. at one point, i was even considering watching the concert by myself, which is by the way, so freakin' impossible. haaay...the clock is ticking.



the tigers had a hefty tamaraw dinner today.

woohoo! our team beat the crap out of feu, 80-69. do the math. haha. twas a really good game, the guys of feu are really tough and they can really shoot from the outside. i was dead nervous the whole game except for the last few minutes during the fourth quarter. feu put up a really good fight. kudos to them. but more kudos to us, we're in the final four, baby! woohoo! it will be really sweet if we will be the first to beat the winning streak of ue. am i asking for too much?! hehehe.

jervy cruz did good, as usual. japs cuan was amazingly exceptional today. notice the adjective i used to describe japs - exceptional; lemme remind you guys that he's the one i like the least in the team, so me, describing him using the word 'exceptional' is really saying something. he did lots of really good assists and he wasn't as bad as he usually is in the free throw line. he was really good today, i must say and so are all the players in team. CHEERS TO UST! we may not have won the title in the cheering competion but at least we're in the final four. i love my school! yea!

aiun, so, after the game, i went to sm north edsa to pay the bills. after doing that i was lured to nbs with a certain book in mind - macarthur by bob ong. it's his 6th book already and i was so thrilled to get my hands on it, certain that it will be a great read. bob ong have already written five books and none of those books have disappointed me so far, so i was quite certain that his sixth book will be, if not equally, even better than the five books he has already written.

moving on, i stayed there[nbs] for a good hour before i finally decided that what i'm doing is completely pointless coz i've searched every shelf in the filipino books section for like oh-so-many-times but failed to find the book that im looking for. i even asked three different sales lady and all of them game me the same disappointing answer - out of stock. and so i went to fully booked. i was distracted by all the new books i saw and felt the urge to buy a certain book written by an author who's completely new to me, but i shook off my urge and focused on my goal. i went to the filipiniana shelf and there, i saw it. i must have looked really goofy, smiling alone while flipping through the pages of the book. i paid for it then went home.

i wasted no minute and immediately opened the plastic wrap of the book and started reading. i finished reading it in less than an hour, it was a "thin" book. grabe, thin na malaman. it's the very first filipino book that made me gush into tears. bob ong never ceases to write something new, to go into a different side of literature other than what he's known for. that's what makes him a really good writer, at least that's what i think. kudos to bob ong, for being able to tug at my heart-strings[which is well connected to my tear glands] with his really touching and impacting words. grabe, hands down talaga. galeng, sobra.

excerpts fom the book:

sisisihin ni aling sally ang lahat, pero hindi ang anak nitong si noel.

"bakit ayaw niyong lumubog, mga tangna kayo?!"

...isinawsaw ang dalawang daliri sa loob ng inidoro, hinawi ang mga lumulutang na durog na tae, at dinampot ang maliit na plastic ng sinasamba niyang bato. dahil tapos na sa pagdadalawang-isip, mabilisan niya na lang ipinunas ang pakete sa laylayan ng pantalon at saka nilunok.

"dalawang dekada ka lang mag-aaral. kung di mo pagtitiyagaan, anak, limang dekada ng kahirapan ang kapalit. sobrang lugi. kung alam lang yan ng kabataan, sa pananaw ko eh walang gugustuhin na umiwas sa eskwela."

it's a must-read. grabe. ganda.

brain nugget: no one can overcheer who?! haha.
salinggawi dance troupe failed to bag the grand prize at the samsung cheerdance competition this afternoon, actually, make that yesterday, i forgot that its already 135am so that makes today, september 17. we lost to up by a mere 0.05 points. 0.05 points! the feck. i bet its because of the girl who failed to go up the pyramid. she fell off the same pyramid duing the pep rally and i kinda felt in my veins that she'll fall again come the real performance. haaay. so much for six-peat. oh well, being 1st runner-up isn't that bad. chill. xP

erratum: its 0.5 points, pala. my mistake. xP

disclaimer: im not really sure with the numbers, i've no idea on what the real score is so...just don't mind the data i've typed. xP


just got home from a friend's birthday celebration. i can't exactly call it a party. a party, for me, can only be called as so when there's dancing and some other stuff people do in a bar. uhm, it's more of an 'inuman session'. twas a blast i tell you, at least that's what i think. twas really fun. except for the time when my head started to ache, ugh!

ayun. GG. hehe. my head's still aching and i feel like barfing. asar. hindi naman ako nalasing, natipsy lang tapos sobrang sakit na ng ulo ko. daya. hrmf. yamot. kulet ng mga tao kanina. haha. kung ano ano na ginagawa. hahaha. i finally know how to play poker! woohoo!!!!

"salamat dooooooooooook..." hahahaha!!!!!

"mateo blooooooooooooooowww...." wahahahaahahahahahahaha!!!!! kulet talaga nila!

i was GG-fied by my mom. asar xeng traffic yan eh! bakit ba gabi na eh traffic pa dito samen?!!!! ines!!!!! haaaay.

waaah. i need a barf bag!!!! ai, im gon' get busted if i puke pala, i guess i just to swallow it. wahahaha! kidding! xP



i was bored, okay. xP
i need a new net firewall. any suggestions?



hurry up and get here.... 0_o


what the fuck!!!! how come i never heard of this article in the news?! ugh! im so at rage right now! i hate that girl. so she's hell rich, who cares?! id rather be poor and well-mannered than rich but with extremely poor values. blah! whoever brought her up certainly needs a spanking! the heck with her! BOYCOTT MANILA STANDARD!

Boycott Manila Standard Today

my brother's brief.

wahaha. i just thought that it would be really funny to post it online. haha. i don't understand why he still wear this when he has loads of new undies. jeeez. he also have a shirt that goes well with this brief. wahahaha! talk about being overly sentimental. wahahaha!!!!!
i had peanut butter sandwich for dinner. not exactly what you can call 'filling', but hey, it's still food, right? and everything that goes in the category 'food' is so fine with me. im such a pig. haha.

so, for your daily dose of senseless rantings, uhm. wait, i'll check my brain if there's anything worth ranting about today.


ok, i can't find anything. weird. it's usually full of mindless rants and complaints, but today, i actually feel contented. that's something good right?! i need to have more of this 'contented' feeling. it's giving my face a somewhat 'youthful' glow. haha. no, seriously. i'm loving this feeling. im actually getting tired of feeling sad and empty and all those things a girl my age shouldn't be feeling. i don't want to worry bout stuff that hasn't happened yet. so, my grades- i'll do the crying when i officially find out that i failed. as for now, i'll study my ass off and just try to do my best so as not to reach the oh-so-sad-and-pathetic-at-the-same-time scene of me crying while reading my notes. once is enough. :D

anyhoo, i want to attend a ballroom dance class. seriously. i love doing the chacha and the boogie and all those other dances. it's really cool. if only i have someone who wants to take a class with me. haay. bumming at home isn't really as fun as i thought. wait, i didn't think it was fun pala. hehe.

moving on to a less interesting topic. i've realized that i'm not as into him as i thought i was. i think i just got really caught up in the moment that's why i instantly concluded that it was something when it really is nothing. make sense? no? well it does for me, so back off. hehe.

oh! i almost forgot, i was about to blog this yesterday but my net was whacked so i wasn't able to go online. ATENEO WON AGAINST DLSU! woohoo! chris tiu looked extremely hot that night specially with all those three points! sizzling! haha!


wahahaha!!!! excuse me for the embarrassing outburst of emotion, i just can't help it. chris tiu's just really charming. hehe. :D

quote of the day:

it is very confusing to people in your life when you don't act the way that you're feeling.

-seth green to matthew lillard, without a paddle


im still up. dang, im so sleepy. i didn't sleep last night (read:pspice and multisim immersion). haay. uhm, i think i have a writer's block. i can't seem to think of anything interesting to type. my brain must be busted or something, all i could think of at this moment is how badly i want to curl in my bed and have a really long sleep.

stupid, eh?

haha. i guess i just really love torturing and depriving myself of things. haha. oh, i had my hair snipped by a gay guy today. i look, uhm, the same. haha.

boy, im really sleepy but i really can't get myself to turn off the fucking pc. haay.

does anyone want to watch fall out boy's concert in araneta this coming september 21 with me? you have to buy me a ticket if you want to go to the concert with me. i bet it'll be a blast, the band is like really cool plus you'll have the privilege to watch it with me. how effin cool would that be, huh?! haha. haaay. WAAAAAH! if only i have the cash. haha. damn. waah.

i was thinking of posting my doodles during dsp lab but i am to lethargic to do anything but sit here and rant about random things.


ok, i think i really have to go now, my eyelids are betraying me. nyt nyt people!

wait, i just like to say that im currently so freakin addicted to the song 'grand theft autumn' by fall out boy. listen to it. i bet you'll be hooked too. do it. ;P



are you for real? do you really care? coz now, i've come to realize that maybe you really are a fake. a user. USER. damn people. maybe i'm better off alone.

have you ever cried so hard to the point that you can't breathe and you wish you'd never stop crying so you'd die?

wala lang. just a thought. i'm not crying or anything. i feel fine actually. i made polvoron. yum! haha.

so i had a breakdown last night. baliw talaga ko. for the record, i'm not gonna quit. only losers quit, and i'm not a loser. or so i believe. aiun. RAWR!!!

and tindi, emo-ng emo pala ko. hahaha! haaay

gotta go, pspice mode. xP


ayoko na sa ginagawa ko. ngayon, sure na ko. hindi na to yung tipong, i'm just having doubts. this is the real thing. hindi na doubt, seryosong REGRET na.


sabi ko sa sarile ko nung nabasa ko un book ni elizabeth berg, "no regrets". pag nakapili na ko, dapat maging happy ako sa napili ko at kung may makikita man akong mas gusto ko kaysa sa napili ko, pwede ko lang yon i-admire pero hindi ko pagsisisihan yung unang napili ko na. mahirap pala. lalo na kung yung regrets mo eh narealize mo kung kailan masyado nang huli ang lahat. kung kailan nandon ka na sa point na "konting" tiis na lang at maaabot mo na. ANG HIRAP.

ngayon, naisip ko na dapat pala nung umpisa palang narealize ko na. dapat nung first day palang ng pagiging kolehiyala ko eh naisip ko na dapat na mali ang building na papasukan ko, na hindi ako dapat nasa roque ruano, aka-engineering building, na hindi ako dapat naka-gray na blouse, wala dapat akong dalang t-square, hindi dapat ako nandito. maling mali. nung second year, binigyan na ko ng chance na makalayo, pero pinilit ko paden. sinabi ko sa sarile ko, "hindi, para ko sa course na to. dito lang ako. hindi ako aales. kakayanen ko to." ngayon, ako ngayon ang kinakaya kaya ng napili kong kurso. ako na ang namamanipulate niya. imbis na ako lumaro sa kaniya, ako na ang nilalaro niya. ang gosu ng course ko, napapaiyak ako halos lahat ng oras. nagawa niyang pababain ng mas mababa pa sa mababa ang self-esteem ko. halos araw araw nagagawa niyang isampal sa sarili ko na i'm not good enough for what i've chosen, na bobo ako. ayan, i've said it. siguro nga bobo ako. kahit gano kadami kong beses sabihin sa sarile ko na matalino ako, na nahihirapan lang ako, paulit-ulit sinasabi saken ng kursong to na kaya ako nahihirapan ay dahil tanga lang talaga ko. kung date hindi ako naniniwala, ngayon, naniniwala na ko. ata. sana hindi. ayan, napaiyak na naman niya ko. tae talaga.

bakit ba kailangan marealize naten na ayaw naten ang isang bagay kung kailan hindi na tayo pwede tumalikod? unfair.

nakaka-asar. date, alam ko, sigurado ako na para ko sa ECE. gusto ko naman talaga maging engineer someday eh, pramis! gusto ko talaga, pero bakit andaming walls na nagpreprevent saken para makuha un gusto ko? nahihirapan ka na nga, pinapahirapan ka pa ng mga bwisit na professors, and selfish people around me only adds injury to my already bleeding dream. fuck. i'm bawling. riot na utak ko. bakit ba kase kailang magpaimportante ng ibang professors? bakit kailangan nilang ipakitang magaling sila at the expense of their students? pucha. naranasan din naman nila magin studyante, bakit kung kailan sila na ang nagtuturo kailangan nilang alisin ang pagiging studyante sa sistema nila? monster na sila. sabi nga ni ms. perreras, robot-hindi social being.

sabi ni ms. perreras, ang isang studyanteng bumabagsak sa mga subjects niya ay mas matuturing pa na social being kaysa sa estudyanteng namamayagpag sa lahat ng klase. if that's the case, then maybe i don't want to be a social being. haaay naku, what am i saying. tae kase eh.

feeling ko ngayon, tatapusin ko nlang tong course na to dahil siya na ang naumpisahan ko. kung magiging successful ako, yan ang tanong. may naging successful ba sa paggawa ng bagay na ayaw niya gawen? meron naman siguro. sayang naman ang pinangtuition ng parents ko kung magiging basura lang ako diba? takte.



hinga lang ng malalim che, kaya mo yan. lagi mo naman kaya eh, nagpapass naman lahat ng hardships eh, ayun nga lang this time, mejo napatagal siya bago umales. feel at home masyado eh. you have to beat it first before it beats the crap out of you. ganon dapat. ibahin mo na mind-set mo. kaya mo yan. promise.


ayan, nabaliw nanaman ako. i'm talking to myself again. the heck.

now that im already at it - talking to myself, might as well say everything i want to say to me, right? so here.

message to myself:

pasensya ka na kung nagiging sobrang weak ka, ayos lang yun. it only means na tao ka, hindi mo kailangan ma-guilty. sobrang nahihirapan ka lang. wag ka na umiyak. dame ka naman mga fall-backs, dame pwede pagsabihan ng sama ng loob mo sa mundo, nasabi mo na nga sa mama mo kanina diba? basta kaya mo yan. go lang ng go. matatapos mo to. hardships? it'll all pass. kaya mo yan. kailan mo ba hindi na kaya? go. now, do what you have to do instead of crying your heart out. mapapagod ka lang, wala ka pa matatapos. ano? DO IT.


i can't believe this. here i am, thinking that i'll be able to go on a hiatus even for just a few days, just to be utterly disappointed by the announcement of numerous quizzes and some projects. damn. so much for a much needed rest, eh? i haven't had a decent sleep for quite some time now, i unwillingly turned myself into an insomniac. great, just great.

school work+stress+occasional "social activities"+INSOMNIA = DEATH by FORCE

and as if my life isn't stressful enough, i'm now officially broke. well not exactly, i still have my savings in the bank but that doesn't really count coz i consider that money "untouchable". all in all, im flat broke. err. i don't know where i've been spending my money on, what is the matter with me?! i've had a transition from being a thrifty-slash-cheapskate to being a spend-all-on-unimportant-stuff type of girl. damn.

i'm failing some of my subjects, which i think is really really bad coz there's a really huge probability that i'll be delayed if i'm not able to reach the passing grade. aw. waaah.


i've so much stuff to worry about, i never thought they'd, my problems i mean, all pile up in a single semester [truth is i kinda anticipated it, i just wasn't able to do anything to prevent them from reaching the height of petronas tower]. everything's been blown up to humongous proportions, it's making me feel so tiny. haha. and you know what's worse? i've all these piled-up-activities-which-i-want-to-call-'problems' and i'm not a bit worried about. lemme expound that, im worried but not as worried as i was back in third year first semester where i diagnosed myself with mild to clinical depression just by reading articles and taking some tests on the net.


that's what im doing. i dunno if that's a bad thing or a good one. haay. kase naman eh. lots to do, so little time. oh well, guess i just have to deal with everything one at a time so as not to completely exhaust myself. i kinda want to live pa naman no, i ain't too miserable with my life anymore. :D


i can hear the loud "moans" of cats having extreme sex right beside our house. haha!*

im sleepy, the net connection is really bad, it's raining. i think i better get off the pc now, all signs are telling me to. hehe.

im off! have a good sleep everyone! hugs!

X's: my not-so-obvious-but-they-really-are fave band, Garbage, of all freakin time is back with a new single. it's effin' great. i really missed their cool music and eccentrically beautiful music videos. shirley manson's looking really fly. i love garbage!