back to normal.

translation: bati na kame. yay! :D


2 days. 2 friggin long days.

my mom's still not talking to me. the silence in our house is too unbearable, almost defeaning. i wished she'd stop giving me the silent treatment coz it's really killing me!!!!!


im getting the silent treatment. bummer.





i had a close encounter with what i think was a small van today. and by the word 'close', i REALLY mean CLOSE. sometimes i wonder if i'm really THAT stupid, i mean, i ALWAYS have close encounters with various vehicles. ALWAYS. the thing is, i've never been scared of crossing the mean streets. NEVER. the way i cross the street, may it be a narrow road or a wide one, is the same as what i normally do when i walk - head either down or looking straight ahead.

ok. i AM stupid.

i don't know why i even bother to make an argument with myself when i always end up losing to myself. haaay!


uhm, uhm...i've nothing to say.

well actually, i do HAVE something to say,

to our dean: you are such a schmuck!!! if you do continue what it is that you plan on doing, i am totally going to hate you! not that you care, but really, i'm so not goin to support any of your plans and projects! shove the freaking "oplan reshuffling" up your freakin ass!


and one more, i'm selling perfumes! it's pretty darn cheap for something that's orig. AND, it's still negotiable. *wink, wink*


i lurve the movie "got to believe"!!! i've watched it for like a gazillion times already but i still get the giggles everytime i watch it. rico yan is just too cute! too bad he's dead. may he rest in peace. :'(

quote of the day:

"will you still love me in the morning?"


if i tell you "i love you", will you hold it against me?
i love peyton's podcasts! i've been itching to listen to it for like the longest time but i never really have the net connection to do it. i've only checked it out today, and omg, it's damn good. she sounds like a real person, almost like me with all the drama and shit she's going through or gone through or whatever, does it really matter? hehe.
why do yo have to look so nice when you're serious?

you really are killing me!



i've done some thinking these past few days. its a pretty good time to think, having nothing to do and all.

i've realized that we are only as strong as we want to be, but no matter how strong we've become, there will be a point where our every being will decide to turn against us, and there, we'll never have an escape and we'll just have to break down until we eventually feel better. breaking down can be a good thing, sometimes. there'll always be a point where we have to let stuff from our deepest core go, and believe me, when you've let that thing go, it'll feel so freakin amazing.



i woke up today and whoa! i'm chinese! as in super chinky-eyed, parang slit na lang eyes ko! tae.

i thought everything was ok, i thought I was ok, turned out that i was only making myself believe that i AM ok. i woke up in the middle of the night from a really weird dream, and i was crying. i thought crying while sleeping only happens in movies, well guess what? it totally happened to me! darn unbelievable. from the moment i woke up till i-don't-know-how-long, i was crying, well, bawling is the right term to use. grabe talaga. ai! i forgot to mention that i was already crying before i feel asleep, i think twas the reason why i fell asleep in the first place.


i've realized that one can't really keep everything to oneself no matter how hard one tries to hide what it is that he's hiding and that no one really gets numb, you just think that you've managed to deal with everything but then your whole being will decide to betray you and you're just gon' explode and you won't be able to hide from yourself anymore. it suck. even my own being loves to make me feel like shit even if i tried so hard to shove that shitness in the deepest trench of soul. i can't believe it was able to find its way out - almost like a geyser, and when it did found its way out, it gave me a fucking hard blow right in my face. pucha. ang saket, maga pa nga eh. oh well.


waah! a week hasn't even passed yet but here i am, already raking my brain dead head for something to do! argh!


akala mo naman jan! do you think i'm that desperate huh?!!!!! nakakainis ka...wag ganon...please...tae ka naman eh...siguro you think that it's that easy...well,,,yea...

Not a Fighter, But will Knock your lights out.

- [aquarius] zodiac description

i agree with the "not a fighter" part, but with the "will knock your lights out",,,uhm,,,i dunno. hehe.

finals are finally over. sembreak IS IN our grasps. so?! sembreak doesn't really spell fun for me since i practically do nothing at this time of the year. sembreak's just another excuse of getting my already gigantic butt and arms even more humongous than they already are. it's just another uneventful holiday for yours truly, and i think it's gon' be more uneventful now that i've spent the money i've "supposedly" saved for this break from school. *sigh* this means that i'm gon' be staying at home for the whole break. what a drag!

oh, now that i've mentioned the word "drag", i've just remembered, there's this gay professor in AB, i don't really care that he's gay but for goodness sake! he's a motherfuckin cross dresser!!! bleugh! talk about being a drag!!!! give yourself some respect dude coz i assume that as a professor, you'd want your students to respect you too, right?! you could atleast NOT tell people that you're cross dressing! asar!!! [i totally don't mean to be prejudistic here, ok. it's just that, i think there are some things that are better kept to ourselves and as a professor, i think you should be careful of what tell your students. some people look up to you, you know.]

[emo thought:] ->ampangit pakinggan.

i miss my friends. feels like i don't have any right now. i feel so fuckin alone. friendless and unnoticed. nobody cares for me...fuck.


doing nothing...
just slacking...
plain slacking...
oh shit!
this can't be good...
can it?
wahahaha! my cousin just farted. she's sleeping and she farted, like, real loud. hahaha!!!! ok, can't stop laughing. haha! that was pretty weird dont you think? farting while asleep. haha! i hope i'm not a sleep-farter coz that would just be way embarrassing! haha!

gudnyt y'all!
You were always leaving your shit around
And gone without a sound
Yeah I'm the first to fall and the last to know
Where'd you go?
Now I'm heels over head
I'm hangin' upside down
Thinking how you left me for dead

-heels over head, boys like girls

patok! shiznit! patok na patok!!!!


nice work classmates! we should do that kind of cheating arrangement more often. ok, maybe not that often but we definitely should have that arrangement this saturday for the dsp exam! the heck! i don't even know if i'll pass that darn subject even if i get a perfect score in the finals. next sem, i'll remember to always record my quizzes. check!

im pigging out on choco pudding. wala eh, la magawa kaya kaen na lang. haha!

adeek ba ko? ba't pati *ikaw*iniisip ko?! fuck naman oh! shiiiiieeeeeeet!!!!!


double post. i just really have to rant about this -

what the fuck?!!! 9pesos?!!! minimum fare?!!! anla eh naman! gusto ga nilang mamulubi ang mga tao?! hindi naman nataas ang gasolina eh kumbakit gusto pa nila taasan ang lintak na pamasahe! aba'y walanghiya naman o! ako'y nandine at nagpapakahirap magbudget ng pamasahe para sa...wala lang! tapos biglang itataas ang pamasahe, hindi uubra! no deal!
while some people are getting addicted to meths, coke and some other "killer" drugs, here i am getting addicted to the one thing my friends would never thought i'd get addicted to - milk. hephep! not milk as in milk but milk as in milkee polvoron! its this blue, round, little stuff you can buy at a sari-sari store. it's effin good and damn addicting, i swear! i hate milk but this one really got me hooked! haha! has any of you tasted it?! you all should taste it, i swear you'll get hooked too! hehe. if i get fat [not that im thin/slim], it's definitely because of that stuff.

random thought:

why are some people totally ka-asar?! you know, people like...her and them. haha!


let go

So, let go,let go
Jump in
Oh well, what you waiting for?
It's all right
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown
So, let go, l-let go
Just get in
Oh, it's so amazing here
It's all right
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown

-let go, frou frou

damn, i absolutely, without any whatever, lurve this song. yea, there IS beauty in the breakdown. really.

one exam down. can't believe i answered the questions right, i mean, i studied my ass and all but i wasn't AT ALL confident of my answers. but all those answers don't mean anything now coz i am freakinly sure that im gon' fail econ, i've failed every single exam [well, except prelims but it doesn't really count, with all the failed quizzes i have, prelim grade won't be of any help to me. dang.] he had ever given in the whole span of the semester.

i think it would be more fitting to say that i've one subject that dragged me down in the drain, yet again. fuck. why is it that i never seem to get a knack of any EE subject?! waaah. kakaiyak. :'(

but hey, there's beauty in the breakdown right?! right!


i'm in a school-core-study-addict mode.

phsssss. i wish. haha. but seriously, i have to get my game on. gotta immersed myself in school shit. so, after i turn this pc off, school immersion will HAVE TO be automatically ON. i mean it. really. :|

[a blatantly random thought memory]:

i dreamt that someone left her unwashed poop-stained knicker inside the classroom. eeeewww, really disgusting, and when the prof asked who owned the knicker, everyone looked at this girl who have the same color of poop-stain on her skirt but she refused to admit that the undies was hers. haha its a really stupid dream. stupid and icky. stupid and icky BUT funny. hehe.

and oh, in that same dream, the girls are wearing long, hideous looking skirts for their uniform, well except for me and some other girl. i guess we're not yet ready for the whole change of uniform shit. haha.

[end of not-so blatant random thought memory]

gotta go. ta-ta!
my shoulder and back fuckin hurts! ugh! i've been sitting here doing absolutely nothing productive for the past 4 hours or so. fuck. what the fuckin hell has become of me? i've officially become a big time bum, major slacker. the feck!

i think i'll just go to bed. sleeping is way better than slacking, right?! right?!!! rawr!


i took an IQ test online. seems like i've not gone stupid after all. i still have it baby! haha. imbang bobo ko talaga sa math. math stinks!

Mental abilities have the highest correlation with general intelligence of all objectively measurable abilities and they are the primary focus of this test. Furthermore the mental abilities targeted for measurement were specifically chosen because they have been shown to correlate highly with many other abilities. The graphs below show how you scored in various abilities such as pattern recognition and logical reasoning - skills which are all reliable predictors of academic achievement.

Graphical representation of intelligence scores.

Intelligence score chart

Pattern Recognition
General Knowledge
Short Term Memory

Percentiles chart

Pattern Recognition
General Knowledge
Short Term Memory

Strengths and weaknesses

Your highest score was in Verbal

Exceptional intelligence does not guarantee results -- to achieve excellence you must fully understand your strengths and learn to maximize your efforts. Knowing your greatest intellectual strength may give you insight into how you can improve your learning process, work better with others, or become more self aware of your abilities. According to this test your verbal skills are the most developed of all your intellectual capabilities - your capability to use language effectively and to communicate well is your biggest strength.

Your lowest score was in Mathematics

Weaknesses are the roadblocks we face when trying to achieve our goals. Awareness of your weaknesses allows you to predict problems and find solutions ahead of time, thereby alleviating future headaches. According to this test your mathematical skills are the most underdeveloped of all your intellectual capabilities - your capability to use numbers effectively and to reason well is your biggest weakness.

this day is just absolutely craziiiiiieeeeeee!!!!!!! i mean, what's up with everybody?! what's up with everything?!! everyone just keeps on unconsciously blurting out your name and every place i go to pops your name right in front of my face. yea, pop! like this afternoon before i go home, i went to the mall to buy some stuff, then POP! it's there, ever so huge! its like the mall's screaming your name to me! ugh!

i wonder if...ugh, never mind.


i just have to say this,

Ms. Pereras is love. really. maybe that's the reason why i like listening to what she has to say. aiun. she hit me right on today. she made me cry pa. haaay.

gotta keep my eye on the bacon. i swear im gonna get you, no matter what it takes! rawr! dadating din ako jan, hintayin mo lang ako, and by the time that i do, i swear i'm gon' be great! haha! mukang sumobra naman ako sa confidence. haha!

random thought: becoming a social being isn't so bad after all. :D [stupid me, twas never a bad thing in the very first place.]


slacking. yet again.

i overlooked the page
and gone completely over my head

coz he's way out of my league

but i fell hard - undoubtedly head over heels.

-edited at 8:22pm-

i really have to stop slacking! waaa! i've a dsp test tomorrow and i haven't even started studying yet! plus i still have a crappy reflection thingy to do. im suppose to be doing that, but 3 hours have already passed and all i've typed so far was my name! ugh!

i have spoken too soon. damn. sad. sad. sad. sad. [sigh]

oh well. shit does happen right? and i probably am the unluckiest person in the world coz the shitiest of all shit almost always happen to me. me and my crappy, uhm, life.

crap crap crap.

feeling stupid as hell. gotta shake it off! hah!


i hate puddles. i hate mud. i hate mud puddles. so i dont understand why i walked home all the way from sauyo market. did i mention that it was raining pretty hard all the time that i was walking? ugh.


i shouldn't be here. i shouldn't be slacking here in front of my pc, i should be studying coz i am so failing. yep. i am failing my subjects, again. weird thing is, i haven't done any bawling or whatsoever. i think i've finally realized that not all things are measured by how much one scored in an exam, that i'm not the only one who's going through all these fucked up grade stuff.

nah. who am i kidding, i'll never get over the fact that i already have two failing marks on my transcript and the pretty huge possibility that two more red marks will be added to my already awful academic record. blah! i think the only reason why im not too bothered with it is because i got so used to failing that my head actually got numb from too much "realization". hahaha. it really happens, numbness.


it really hurts that i am so into you. i hate you for building me up only to let me crash down flat on my face. i hate you for not even bothering to tell me what you really are up to. i so hate me for being so into you. screw you.


my cousin's gon' be living with us starting today. she's gon' be staying in my room. i'm cool with it. really, i am. geez.


am i?