what was i suppose to do, huh?! tell me! putang ina kase eh!

where is apathy when you badly needed it?!
bahay ampunan ba kame?
what was i thinking? am i even thinking?! now that's the better question. i can be to damn impulsive sometimes, it's not even funny.

and another thing, im too damn emo(do i even have to tell you that?). well, whatever.

im a paranoid, self-centered, pretentious, emo, shit head.

emo. emo. emo

is there a drug out there that can cure emo-mixed-with-paranoia syndrome? i badly need to take a pill for that, it's maiming my perfectly ordinary life.

i guess no matter how much you want things to stay the way they are, they almost never do. its sad, and it makes you want to cry and wallow but sometimes, it's just the way things go and we just have to accept the sad fact that some things were never meant to last. we meet new people and eventually lose them. no one ever stays. everyone stabs the shit out of everyone else's back. sad.

maybe everyone's meant to leave me alone or maybe im bound to be a sort of a "fall back" for the rest of my lonely life.

sometimes i wonder if there's something wrong with me? am i too moody? too shallow and materialistic? too unbearable to be with? damn. im crying, and this is supposed to be a happy night. i can't believe it took me this long to realize that things will never be back the way they were. it's hella stupid of me not to notice, i mean, i already saw this coming, i just never thought it'll be this fast. this soon. i just wish i was given a chance to prepare, to detach my emotional string so it wouldn't hurt this bad.

there are things that i guess we'll never really understand, or at least I'LL never get to understand. the people you care for always leave and the one's you never thought would stay does stay. sometimes the people you're majorly pissed at usually turn out to be the ones who'll never leave your side. i wish people have and expiry date written on their forehead so we'll know if they'd be beside you for a long time or not, coz it suck to build an emotional relationship with someone only to find out in the end that they'll only be staying for a short period of time.

shit. shit. shit. i can't stop crying. this is why i hate having someone to share my room with. this is the price i have to pay for being so 'nice', if that's what you can really call it.

- privacy in my house is dead.

shit im really morphing into an "emo". SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! SHIEEEEEET!!!!


i love shooting stars!!!

yipee! i witnessed a meteor shower last night! my mom and i both cramped our necks waiting for the meteor shower, and friggin mosquitoes feasted on my legs but i fucking swear, it was all worth the wait. and the pain. and the itch. haha. i swear twas the most beautiful thing i've ever seen in my whole 21 years of being alive. all these time i thought that the black starry sky was the most beautiful view in the world(next to the aurora Borealis, which i haven't seen yet cause i haven't been anywhere outside luzon) but heck! i was clearly wrong.

i was kinda expecting a literal "shower" of meteors, but it clearly doesn't work that way. "shower" just means that shooting stars will be clearly seen and will continue to be seen the whole night til before the sun come out. it wasn't what i was expecting but it's just as beautiful.

oh! twas really amazing how nature works. i saw at least 21 shooting stars. i lost count when they my mom kept pointing at the ones i wasn't able to see coz i'm staring at something else. hehe.

i'll never forget last night. twas one of those memories you'll just have to have a space for. :D


my tummy hurts like shit!!!

i feel real awful, totally. i think i ate way too many pandesal.

i have to go, i think i need to barf.

wait, how many pandesals are considered as "too much"? coz i ate seven pieces, but i don't think that it's too much. i think it's just "enough" for a growing girl like me. right?!

the heck! who am i kidding?!!! im a friggin pig! and guess what?! i don't really care! haha!


i am not emo.

really, i'm not. my brother tells me that i am, though. i like emo songs and emo haircuts on super hot emo guys, but that doesn't make me emo.

or does it?



how lame and pathetic could i possibly still get?! why the bloody heck do i babble, in every freakin chance i could get, about how great you are in doing something?! does this actually mean something?! is this my whole existence telling me how much i ... something?! ugh!

it's been too long, well, not that long, actually. i freakin thought i got over this frisson thing ages ago, but it seems that i was way mistaken. i hate it.

why do you have that much effect on me? what have you done to make me this 'crazy' for you?

i hate you. i really do.

i wish.


a quick run-down of things that happened these past few days.

1. earthquake.

yea. intensity 4 on the Richter's scale. this is the 2nd earthquake that i've actually felt in my entire life, and mind you, i wouldn't have felt it if jajan hadn't told me. yea, i'm that oblivious to the things goin on around me. i am so boo. boo me!

2. driving lessons.

more boo! i hate driving lessons! to be more specific, i hate driving lessons with my brother!!! would you believe, he freakin made me cry! pathetic, i know, but if you were in my position i bet you would've cried too! ok, so maybe not, but hey! he was shouting all the friggin time and he was being a total meanie to me. boo, right? i mean, it was my first time to drive and he could be just a little kinder to me, but no! he's a total monster the whole time. i stepped out of the car and walked home, i looked like a total moron. grrr.

3. uhm.


i think that's about it. as what i've said a gazillion times before, my life is a total bore. so, ta-ta!