i love this video! it's too awww. haha!


Everybody has a secret world inside of them. All of the people of the world, I mean everybody. No matter how dull and boring they are on the outside, inside them they’ve all got unimaginable, magnificent, wonderful, stupid, amazing worlds. Not just one world. Hundreds of them. Thousands maybe.
-Neil Gaiman.

yea. if you could only see mine. it's semi-perfect. haha.


Among other things, you’ll find that you’re not the first person who was ever confused and frightened and even sickened by human behavior. You’re by no means alone on that score, you’ll be excited and stimulated to know. Many, many men have been just as troubled morally and spiritually as you are right now. Happily, some of them kept records of their troubles. You’ll learn from them - if you want to. Just as someday, if you have something to offer, someone will learn something from you. It’s a beautiful reciprocal arrangement. And it isn’t education. It’s history. It’s poetry.
-the catcher in the rye

this is my favorite book of all time. this and veronika decides to die. it both save me from me. got me out of my emotional meltdown. haha.


what should i call this one. i was never good at giving titles to my poems or anything. hmm, oh well, i was never good in writing poems so i guess it's ok. :D


i sat on the corner waiting for time to pass. i arrived first and wished that you'd get here sooner, and you did. i stared at the wall in front of me, you stared at the one opposite it.

strike a conversation or sit in awkward silence?

you said something that's too inaudible for someone with a bad ear like me to hear. i asked you to say it again but you just smiled. i said ok and everything was silent again.

strike a conversation or sit in awkward silence?

i give you an A for trying. i would not have dared to break the silence. thoughts ran through my head. pause and play. racking my brain for something stellar to say. pause. something good pops out. do i dare say it?

strike a conversation or sit in awkward silence?

as i opened my mouth, before the words come out, you stood up and said goodbye. it's amazing how time flies. i smiled and nodded. i watched your back as you walked away. i wished you've heard what i wanted to say.

strike a conversation or sit in awkward silence?


i love my mom.

When you were 8 years old, your mom handed you an ice cream.
You thanked her by dripping it all over her lap.

When you were 9 years old, she paid for piano lessons.
You thanked her by never even bothering to practice.

When you were 10 years old she drove you all day, from soccer to football to one birthday party after another.
You thanked her by jumping out of the car and never looking back.

When you were 11 years old, she took you and your friends to the movies.
You thanked her by asking her to sit on a different row.

When you were 12 years old, she warned you not to watch certain TV shows.
You thanked her by waiting until she left the house.

When you were 13, she suggested a haircut that was becoming.
You thanked her by telling she had no taste.

When you were 14, she paid for a month away at summer camp.
You thanked her by forgetting to wriite a single letter.

When you were 15, she came home from work, looking for a hug.
You thanked her by having your bedroom door locked.

When you were 16, she taught you how to drive her car.
You thanked her by taking it every chance you could.

When you were 17, she was expecting an important call.
You thanked her by being on the phone all night.

When you were 18, she cried at your high school graduation .
You thanked her by staying out partying 'til dawn.

When you were 19, she paid for your college tuition, drove you to campus carried your bags.
You thanked her by saying goodbye outside your dorm so you wouldn't get embarassed in front of your friends.

When you were 25, she helped to pay for your wedding, and she cried and told you how deeply she loved you.
You thanked her by moving halfway across the country.

When you were 50, she fell ill and needed you to take care of her.
You thanked her by reading about the burden parents become to their children.

And then, one day, she quietly died.
And everything you never did came crashing down like thunder ON YOUR HEART


reposted from my friends' multiply. this is so sad. i love my mom to bits and pieces!


I am the drug; take me, I am hallucinogenic.

-Salvador Dali when asked if he was on drugs.


The best thing about dreams is that fleeting moment, when you are between asleep and awake, when you don’t know the difference between reality and fantasy, when for just that one moment you feel with your entire soul that the dream is reality, and it really happened.



merry christmas! :D

it's christmas in less than 24 hours. merry christmas everyone! hope y'all have a good one. and, merry christmas to you too. you're an asshole and all but it still doesn't erase the fact that i still like you. haha! there. and oh, don't eat too much pie! save some of the weight gain for new year! haha!


I have wanted to kill myself a hundred times, but somehow I am still in love with life. This ridiculous weakness is perhaps one of our more stupid melancholy propensities, for is there anything more stupid than to be eager to go on carrying a burden which one would gladly throw away, to loathe one’s very being and yet to hold it fast, to fondle the snake that devours us until it has eaten our hearts away?


true. true. true.

the breaking away (edited)

-the breaking away-

your ghost towers above my head.
barely touching.

your voice reverberates in my ear.

i feel your breath at the back of my neck.
stinging my entirety.

your eyes are boring through my soul.
a stranger's glance.

your ghost it floats further away.
never looking back.


all i want is a little more than i'll ever get.

-i don't know.


Why, among all these faces, is there only one I want to see?

-Naomi Shihab Nye


Fate controls who walks into your life. You decide who you let walk out, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go.


i refuse to let go. not now at least. i kinda like the feeling. im a masochist that way :|


lovin this song now more than i did before :D


Can't Believe how you set me free
The way you purify this soul don't you know
Got you into my arms now I'm never letting go
This old dog is finally home...finally home...So!

Ohh, Tell me what you want
I'll pay the price
What's money I'll roll the dice
Lose it all take the fall
Let it ride
As long as i have you at my side

Friend or foe you come to me
Wasn't sure how deep a hole i was getting into
Yet I choose to wake up every mornin with a smile of my face
Or see life for what it is one big fat race...GO!

I've played the fool
Thinking i can catch you off guard and score another night with you
But the tables have been turned
This boy's about to get burned
But before i go, i gotta know - i gotta know

Let's not forget
You kept me waiting
What can i do to get through to you
Tired of singin to myself
I need a lesson
I need a blessing
The Shoe fits all we need is a little glue
I hate what you do

Ohh, Tell me what you want
Ohh, Tell me what you want
Ohh, Tell me what you want
Ohh, Tell me what you want...fuck you...

ohh... It's been so good since i last saw you... ohh... child...
ohh... It's been so good since i last saw you... ohh...



don't know why im still afraid. if you weren't real i would make you up.

-honey and the moon by joseph arthur.

wahahahahahahaha!!! so true! haha!


maybe cupid should shoot himself with his own damn arrow. just so he can see how much love hurts.

it's been too long. i wanted to tell you. i really do. i plan to. it's just that you're such an asshole and that made me decide not to.

love this picture of me. im so vain, sorry it can't be helped. haha. thanks for the pic jhanne!
last friday was fun.

it really was.

(forgive my lack of "feelings" in my sentences. hehe)

my friday activities were, hmmm...ah

1. a very sleep deprived me. worked on my fm design til almost 6am.
2. went to school to pass my fm design.
3. hang out with jhunmark and aya at plaza calderon. had some girl bonding moments. haha.
4. went to my last ever (hopefully) paskuhan at school. had so much fun. bamboo rocked ust. ira cruz was way way perfect and bamboo's voice was mesmerizing. really! i love them!
5. went to guilly's bar with my friends. we arrived there at about 11pm i think, and left at 445am. i should party more often. haha. no, seriously.

so there. i got home at almost 6am. woke up at 6pm. talk about well rested. well no, i woke up more tired than when i dozed off. weird. it's always like that, sleep i mean.

oh oh. my cousins and i had our annual christmas party last sunday. it wasn't as fun as last year but it's still good. good food+good booze+great cousins=fun fun fun.

im blank. so bye.



Kisses are like tears, the only real ones are the ones you can’t hold back.

no quote for this one. it's just too cute for words. haha


every hearts bleed and even angels are allowed to cry.

I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. And I will not let what I cannot do interfere with what I can do.

-Edward Everett Hale


love is the person you think about during the sad songs.
guilly's bar last night. fun fun fun! had a few drinks. by few, i mean 2 bottles of beer. 2 bottles that i didn't even finish. haha. im so weak when it comes to drinking. it was hella fun. :D


330 in the AM

yea! still awake. still jumpy, must be the coffee. err.


it's stupid to think of you.
your voice, your smell
the way you look,
like you just got out of hell.
you're a bunch of crap
and i don't know why i still care.
maybe it's meant to be like this,
me caring to much and you being you.
i should leave it like that,
stop thinking too much.

i'm talking gibberish.
im stopping now.


the words that spill out of my head in the wee hours of the morning are damn stupid. crappy. i'll post it anyway. it's impulse that made me type it. i don't mess with my impulses, no matter how stupid they are.

i'll go to bed in 30 minutes. promise. i wish.


practice makes perfect. but nobody's perfect. so why practice?

makes sense, right?


it would be really really nice to sit outside and stare at one of my favorite things in the world - stars. it would really be perfect. clear night sky, not a fluff of clouds, just the stars. a lot of them. i rarely see that these days. it would really really be perfect. it's something i never get to do anymore, except when im in the province - it's all i ever do there. perfect except for the fact that i can't coz i have to do this stupid FM transmission and station design. it's due this friday, so much for stargazing. err.



back to now.

photo credit: jajan :D

baguio was uber fun. twas all too good to last. i've had the best time with my good friends. totally analog. except for some few minutes of television. it was pure bliss, except for some annoying people. haha!

*random question*

how does someone fall in love?

*end of random question*

the mysteries of the human heart. err. haha.

oh, i got wasted on the last night of the trip. we drank gin. haha. i was too wasted to drink tequilla after 2 bottles of gin. jajan is one tough chick, i don't think she even got dizzy after all that drinking. haha.


i forgot to say this: BAGUIO WAS FREAKING COLD!!! you won't be able to take a bath without the heater. but because me and my friends are crazy (or maybe just plain stupid), we took a dip in the hotel pool which is pretty much like swimming in a cooler of iced water. i had sore throat the whole trip, and my voice went on vacation too. i got sick this morning - fever. suck.


haven't written a thing in my journal for weeks now. gotta go analog for at least a day. i'm becoming to attached(?, it's not the word im looking for but it suffice. hehe) to the internet, it's not good. not healthy. gotta go back to reading a book. there are two books that're waiting to be finished.

im sleepy. gotta go.
disqus is a failure on my blog. for whatever reason, it just wont work.



i can't stop watching. i am so going to learn that dance. :|


There’s a little truth behind every just kidding, a little curiosity behind every just wondering, a little knowledge behind every I don’t know, and a little emotion behind every I don’t’ care.


tikman mo ang kamao! (eat my fist!)

photo info: manny's official nike logo

actually, tikman is taste in english but eat my fist sounds a lot better. hehe

ugh! this is so frustrating! i'm not a fan of boxing, but not being able to watch the pacquiao-dela hoya match is really really maddening! i can't find any live streming online. uhm, i did find a site but my fucking internet connection isn't fast enough for the streaming! err! guess i just have to use my imagination, im listening to it on AM radio. ugh!

round 9! dela hoya conceded! haha!!! he's such a big wuss! haha! kidding.

way to go pacman - the number one pound per pound boxer in the world, the pride of the Philippines!!!


now i'm off to divisoria.

PS: dela hoya is a gentleman, the way he accepted defeat. and as always, manny's english speaking "skills" is damn annoying. hahaha! but i have to say, he IS improving. hehe


Never judge yourself based on someone elses inability to love themselves, much less someone else.

tried and tried. for too long. it just won't work.

disqus on my blogger, i mean. xP


It’s hard to give up a memory. No matter what comes after, it’s impossible to forget a small moment of happiness, to admit that it was a fluke, an isolated moment in time with no chance—because our lives are not circular—of reeling around again.


Love is a thing, well, it’s kind of like quicksand: The more you are in it, the deeper you sink. And when it hits you, you’ve got to fall.



although we're of the same wavelength, being too close interferes with the signal.

i hate this feeling. im so totally trying to not think about you but you almost always come up with something - without you realizing it, to make me think about you more. life is so full of freakin coincidences, it's not even funny anymore. i know it's just me that thinks about all these bullcraps and you don't even give a shit about it, it's driving me nuts. it's just that even though you didn't know that i would be feeling like this, you should've given me a warning. i'm a girl. that's should be SOP. you should've put a big sign on you forehead. something that says..uhm, i dunno.."don't get it all mixed up"? err.

im stupid like that.

or maybe i just fall way too fast.

i don't think, i just take the plunge.

shouldn't it be like that? fast and foolish.

wish you'd felt the same.

or not.


i don't get me sometimes. i could go from not thinking to thinking too much. it's annoying.

heck, it's been too long. i think from now on, i should start moving on.

it rhymes. it's a sign. haha.


off to some non-depressing topic. we're going on a field trip from tuesday til friday! weee! the batch'll be going to baguio and subic. it's gon' be a wicked 4-day trip! something interesting is bound to happen. imma start packing, prolly tomorrow. i'm having trouble on what i should bring. err.

ojt tomorrow. that means that again, my brain'll rot for a day. ugh!



tired tired tired!

just got home from work, OJT actually.

haha! if sitting around watching prison break and staring at the ceiling between breaks is called work, then ok, i just got home from "work". bert, jm and i sat there and rot our brains to boredom for five hours. it was the longest five hours of my life! haha! imagine sitting there for fourteen hours like what i do during sundays and mondays. it's mentally exhausting, im telling you, not doing anything can make you even more tired than when you're actually doing something.

it's 12.31am. i have a class at 9am. i should be sleeping, but i can't get myself to shut this thing down. i haven't gone online for like a whole week. i went semi-analog. hehe.

*brain nugget*

what happened to our friendship? why is it that silence become really painfully awkward between us? what's with the looking at inanimate objects out for? you've changed a lot.

*end of brain nugget*

uhm. can't think of anything more to type. im sleepy and tired. so ta-ta!

ps: the picture is so totally out of topic. but i love it anyway. :D


AM Transmitter Design. check!

after days of sleepless nights, i'm finally done with that AM transmitter design bull! three more designs to go. i don't know if i'm ever going to use all these stuff in my professional life. (professional. haha!)


i wonder...

i wonder...

do you ever...

uhm, do you ever...

even for just a second...

do i ever...


nevermind. i know you don't anyway. im again, just being my usual loser self.




the breaking away. wordle-d.



i have a killer headache that won't go away. crap.

i won't blog. i won't blog. i won't blog. i won't blog.

must do AM design. must do AM design. must do AM design. must do AM design.

power supply running low.

gotta go sleep.


must stay awake. must stay awake. must stay awake. must stay awake. must stay awake.

terminate blogging.



I wanted to tell you all my secrets but you became one instead.

-i dunno

No one likes hearing this, but sometimes the person you want the most is the person you’re best without.

-i don't know


Every time I think about you, I have to remind myself that if you wanted to talk to me, you would.

-i don't know

chempotcheng BETA

hmmm. new layout. yet again.

after learning ( on my own :D ) an awful lot about htmls, i've decided that i'm done with it. im ready to learn something new. and that something new is, yea, xml! which by the way is pretty whacked. im hating it! haha! love how the blog turned out, hate the codes. it's freakin hard to understand!!! ugh!

i'll tweak my layout a bit whenever im not busy. and that means that you'll be seeing this blog as it is for quite a while. my professors this semester are basically monsters that morphed into a human being. ugh!

i gotta find a way to balance things. im fully loaded this sem. it's going to be a really tought semester for me.

i hope i get through all of it.


channeling survivor philippines' nanay zita last week.err.



maybe i will...

or not.

lib lib lib.

2-hour break. what could be worse than a 2-hour break? oh i know. a 5-hour(and probably more) alone time at ojt. crap. i hate my ojt. err.


no, i didn't spend 5 hours in my ojt, not even 4. just 3. gawd, it was very nerve-wrecking, not because i had tons to do but because there was NOTHING to do. and it was so quiet! err!

and oh, i forgot to say that i partied with chris brown and rihanna the other night. chris brown was awesome. rihanna? uhm, she was also great, just not that great. had a blast with my brother and bestie. im 700.00 poorer. and it's all good.



Sometimes there is a reason your past didn’t make it to your future.

— Unknown



ojt! finally!

tiring day!

first i went to makati to pick up the referral letter we dropped off last week, then off to pldt boni to have my papers processed, i would've still gone to pldt espana if it wasn't too late already. office hours are up to 5pm only. so i've decided to go to my old school to get my form 137-a. stupid move. the office was already locked and i can't find any of my old teachers, they could've helped me. bet they'd even find a way to open that door and get that document for me. haha!


Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, “Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?” Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we’re liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

-Marianne Williamson

first heard this on coach carter. loved it instantly. loved the movie too!

late night rendezvous. wordle-d.

cool huh?


why do i still care?

ugh! the mysteries of the human brain. or heart. or whatever you want to call it.

forwarded sms.

heart to heart talks.
hands together.
leaning on shoulders.
tight hugs.
goodbye kisses.
half-meant jokes.
sweet compliments.
mixed signals.
uncertain feelings.
unsaid emotions.



If you love someone, tell them, because hearts are often broken by words that are left unspoken.

-i don't know.



i only saw what i wanted to see,
felt what i chose to feel.
as it all turned out,
none of those were even real.

- 11.8.2oo9 ; 12.59am

note to selves by Miss-Deathwish via deviantart :D

Maybe you’re the one who tries to count the snowflakes as they fall, laughing when white flurries hit your cheeks.
You love running down the powder-dusted hills, but hate leaving footprints in your wake, because you cannot stand to look back and see that you destroyed something so beautiful. (Again.)

Maybe you’re the one who finds your best friend on his bed in a shivering mess, clutching his chest like his heart is about to fall out.
You watch as silver teardrops cling to his eyelashes, and think back to the time that you kissed his eyelids while he slept and saw how beautiful he looked even though you weren’t supposed to think so.

Maybe you’re the one who only eats the purple candies because they’re the prettiest, even though they taste like cough medicine.
You eat the red ones, too, but they taste like him, like cherries and sweet and whispers, and you decide that maybe you like the taste of cough medicine.

Maybe you’re the one who pretends to have it all, but inside, your ribs are broken and your lungs are punctured and your heart may as well be shredded into ribbons.
You don’t want to, but when he says ‘baby, you can’t say no to me’, you just sigh and your chest heaves and you say ‘I know.’

Maybe you’re the one who drives only to hear the music pulsing and blaring from the stereos of the cars around you.
You try to match your radio to theirs, but when you can’t, you surrender and try to drown out their music with your own. In the end, though, all you can hear is the clashclashclash of the two rhythms, and it secretly makes your stomach hurt.

Maybe you thought it was okay, but one day you wake up and notice that the paint is peeling off of your ceiling and that your bedroom is fucking freezing even though it’s the middle of July and that the walls really do lack any sort of decoration.
You think for a little while, and maybe it's a metaphor for your life. Falling apart and cold and empty.

Maybe you're the one who promises you won't lie to yourself anymore, but you know that’s a lie in itself.


my movie.

sitting alone on a busy corner.
plotting the next scene and writing the script
for the upcoming movie:
to the future - beating the odds.
it's the perfect title,
but i wonder,
will it go the way i want it to?
of course i'm the writer,
but still,
i'm not so sure.

i just hope it does.

Obama: New President Elect of USA

whoa. just finished watching Barack Obama's acceptance speech. i got the goosebumps, he's just really amazing.first african-american to be elected as president of the united states. that's pretty big, that's history.

i envy US's election process, i envy their candidates - the way McCain handled his concession was pretty commendable, so unlike what candidates here would do.

will Obama's term have an effect on the worlds' economy? will he be able to stop the war in Iraq? will he be able to help the people in Darfur?

i hope he can.

and someday, when i'm already able, i hope I can too.

i'm not saying that i want to run for something, coz i don't. i hate politics here in the Philippines and i despise almost all politicians (except for Senator Chiz Escudero, he's just too admirable!). what im saying is, i just want to be able to inflict even just a little change in this world. it doesn't have to be big or anything.



photo credit : kellerskards


I think we’re just going to have to be secretly in love with each other and leave it at that.

-Margot Tenenbaum



i want to go somewhere. somewhere far. this is so random, but really, i want to go somewhere. anywhere. i want to get out of this place. i want some new air to breathe. i want to meet new people. i want to experience new things. i want a different perspective.

damn. there's a lot of things that i want. and i don't know if i'll ever get to do all of it.


so it's november 1st. all saint's day.

usually, we go to the cemetery. it's kind of a tradition here. a crazy tradition, i must say. crazy fun and damn annoying at the same time. i don't know why we filipinos chose to massively(?) visit the cemetery on november 1st(some do it on the 2nd) when we could visit our dead loved ones any month or day of the year. me thinks we're the only country who does it. it's funny.

uhm, so we didn't go. to the cemetery. my mom's sick. her bones are aching all over. she can't even stand on her own. it's because of this drug she's taking. fosavance. that's the drug. it's for osteoporosis. ironic isn't it? that a drug for osteoporosis can make someone ache all over. jeez. if y'all could see my mom.

oh well.

there are four candles that are lit in ou little "yard". one's for my grandpa(my mom's dad), the other is for my kuya tuto. as for the other two, call me whatever but i honestly don't know who it's for. oh! oh! i know! it's for my lola and for my mamang. yea.


don’t you ever feel like you’ve been destined for something bigger than your skin?

here comes that feeling again.


photo credit: shit i forgot. sorry.

it's my current wallpaper.


my left eye won't stop twitching. it's been doing this since this afternoon. it's soooo annoying!!! how do you stop a twitch?!

i do both!

im on my third book this sembreak. dayumn, im running out of books on my to-be-read pile. im down to just two. crap. i need money!!! mo' money mo' books! no money no books!

i love to read blogs! it's what i resort to when i don't have any books on my tbr pile. haha.


photo credit: 1001 rules for my unborn son

you cannot control what happens to you, but you can control your attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you.

-brian tracy

wanting it all.

She have never felt so alone, til now.
Never so empty.
She gave him her all.
She has become too submissive,
Agreeing to everything he asks.
She’s losing her self,
She doesn’t even know it.
She’s in love, oh she’s in love.
Does he feel the same way?
She knows too well that he doesn’t.
There’s no harm in trying,
No matter how desperate her act may be.
Everyone’s seeing what’s becoming of her.
Everyone’s disgusted.
She just shrugged her shoulders.
Why should she care?
She started the game,
There’s no way she’ll lose it.

She wished. Oh how she wished.

-october 15, 2008; 1:30am


haha. look at the pic. i don't believe it. i am so not like her. haha.

Ethics-dash-ece-laws suck.

Standing under the great big sky.

Even heaven is crying for me.

Freezing and soaking wet.

Can I ever get out of this cold, dark place?

Clouds get bigger and darker.

Where have the fluffy white ones gone?

The kind I love.

The rain is overwhelming.

Lightning sparks, thunder roars.

Get me out of this place.

It's a cruel selfish world.

I fell down far too many times.

Never thought I could get back up.

It's different this time, it seems.

The ground feels so warm,

Almost comforting,

Contrary to the rain.

What if

I don't ever want to get back up?


i can't stop laughing!!! rofl!!!!

this is the funniest mythbusters ever!!! it was banned by the discovery channel after airing it. stupid move if you ask me.

i still can't get over it. im can't stop laughing!!!! just watch.

yea, yea. im a complete dork, i know. haha!


mythbusters love.

im a total geek and i love it. i love mythbusters. check this out, just one of the many things to love about the show.


Too many people spend money they haven’t earned, to buy things they don’t want, to impress people they don’t like.

-Will Rogers


i totally agree. truth be told, im like that at times too. fuck right?

this is a thousand times better than twilight.

i hate how twilight is being orchestrated. i mean it's ok, but it's not that good (in my opinion. no haters please). i liked the book. i dunno about the movie, i watched the trailer and im still ho-hum about it. maybe because robert pattison as edward cullen just doesn't impress me much. when i read the book, the person that popped in my head as edward was hayden christensen. william beckett dropped in second. william looks like the perfect vampire, all pasty and stuff, but i think hayden would pull it off much better. hehe. maybe if i watch the full movie i'll get a change of heart. maybe. but i doubt it. hehe.

ugh! i want to watch some serious horror movie! too bad let the right one in isn't available online yet. hmm.

the breaking away

-the breaking away-

your ghost towers above my head.
barely touching.

i feel your breath at the back of my neck.
stinging my entirety.

your eyes are boring through my soul.
a stranger's glance.

your ghost it floats further away.
never looking back.

-10.29.2008 ; 12.30am