don't know what i should be feeling.

i felt like crying the other day, i actually did for a brief moment then decided it wasn't worth my tears. haha. i didn't even think the tears were because i felt sad-slash-jealous, i think it was because i was feeling too sleepy for having virtually no sleep for like a whole day. blame it all on jc's birthday bash, it was a blast, by the way. we arrived at his house, all 12 of us i think, at around 10.30pm and didn't go home until past 10. medyo dyahe na nga sa mom ni jc eh, it's as if some of the guys have no intention of going home at all. haha.

after saying our goodbyes and thank you's and happy birthdays, i decided to go to kat's house in makati to "claim" some gift items. haha. she gave me an elizabeth arden green tea perfume for my birthday, it was so sweet of her, that and some other stuff. i intended to sleep and regain some energy there, but john loyd and bea in "one more chance" got the best of me. it was a really kilig movie!!! not surprisingly, i bawled during the most heart-wrenching part and cried during some of the sad scenes. the whole time i was there, my fave cousin and i ate, talked bout some serious stuff going on with her and keith - that's her brother which is also my cousin, naturally, and then we ate some more, talked some more and watched some more dvd's. so basically, i wasn't able to sleep, i was able to nap but that's like barely an hour.

i arrived home at past 10.30 pm and didn't sleep until it's almost 12 am. just imagine how tired and sleepy i was, and to tell you, i still am. [sigh]

thinking about him and the way he treats her adds up to the terrible back pain im feeling. what im trying to say is that it's really physically and emotionally tiring thinking of him. i honestly am so tired of feeling this way. it's like im waiting for something that'll never ever come, not even in my dreams. it's totally insane, being this way. the worse thing is that i can't help it, it's just the way i am, i've always been like this. i don't really know how to change so i always end up hanging, waiting for something that really wasn't there.

im pathetic. i know that already. you guys don't need to tell me. but there is one thing you guys could do for me.

take my exams for me. im dead tired to study. argh!


re-posted at 11.42 (in my fone time)

i miss having you around.


one word.


ok, so technically thats 2 words, but who the hell cares.

the moon is following me. it's kinda grumpy tonight.


everyone except you.

except YOU.

still waiting, it's not too late. no, not for me.

sky's been cloudy since, have not seen a clear sky for days. i miss the stars.

i hate the weather. it's too cold, and with you, not being with me, adds up to the cold atmosphere.

shit. what was that all about?! rotflmao!

footnote: had so much fun last monday, february 18. spent a whopping 1400. zomg. i know. but twas all good. what is money, it's just paper! hahaha!


this is the worst birthday i've ever had.

i should've never gone home, i was way too happy back in school with my friends. we played lots of silly games like little school children waiting for their school service. i was practically laughing the whole day, the whole day til i got home. i've been crying eversince i got here, dunno if my mom noticed, i don't want her to. i don't even know why i feel this sad, i mean, i've anticipated this feeling since last week. haay.

the sky's too cloudy, not one star can be seen - birthday wish number one denied.

no nothing from you - birthday wish number two, also denied.


i don't really care if those two came true or not, i don't think it would've mattered. what i can't stop being sad about is the fact that almost everyone i know has already said their "happy birthdays and happy valentines" to me, almost everyone except my brother. yea, my BROTHER. it's so depressing, it's as if he didn't even remember twas my birthday. aaaaarrrrggggghhhhh!!!!!!

oh well. i feel a lot better now, 20 minutes can sure make a lot of difference [yea, i've been typing for almost 20 minutes now and all i have is this lousy entry.]. felt good after reading my profile :D [he looks stupid with that hair. haha. stupidly cute.]

one more thing,

andaya mo. you're the only one i want to talk to right now and i don't even know where you are. you're so unfair. pwede naman magparamdam eh, hindi naman yun masama eh.

yun lang.

gnreet ako ng ex-crushness ko. haha.



my daddy's birthday today. mine's tomorrow. i have the worst feeling that tomorrow's gonna be a stinky day for me, as it always have for the past years of my "adolescent" life. ok, so maybe not for that long. i just hate that of all days of february, my mom thought it would be really amazing to give birth to her youngest and only daughter on the 14th. it's so not amazing. i have to like always take a step back and give way to the worst holiday, if that's what its even called, ever - valentines day. aaaarrrggghhhh.

call me the grinch of heart's day, i don't care, that's just how it feels like for me. maybe you should try celebrating your birthday on a valentines day. i wont be surprised if you find yourself celebrating without any of your friends, i guess you know what im getting at now. that's how it was for me back in high school and i don't want to repeat it again. so there.


it IS my birthday tomorrow, and guess what i want. a clear starry night sky. that's all, nothing else. seriously. and oh, i forgot, there IS one more thing.

so please?

im darn pathetic, aren't i?


sometimes, you have to step outside, clear your head and remind yourself who you are - and where you want to be.

xoxo, gossip girl

im so hooked, watching gg is all ever did the whole weekend plus monday. can't wait for episode 14, im so glad the strike is over. good for all of us coz we'll be expecting new episodes of our favorite tv shows.

y'all should check out gossip girl. it's a cruel-intentions-meet-the-oc kind of show, it's really great. everything about it is great - the characters, the cast, the controversies, the chemistry between love teams, the city. of course i didn't intend for all these to start with a letter c xP .

check it out.

-b (i am so blair waldorf! haha!)


you take everything from me-Nate, my mom. you can't even help it. it's who you are.

-b to s


i burnt my finger while cooking pancakes. ouchie. :'(

i give up. this blog'll forever be underconstruction. i have no idea how i could make the links work. rawr!

im bored to my head. there's absolutely nothing to do. i could read my notes and study, but why would i wanna do that, right? it'll probably make me even more bored.

britney spears was checked into a nut house. aiun. la lang.


christ tiu lost. sad. but its all good, he's still a champ to me. btw, i was able to answer the million peso question that he wasn't able to answer. honestly, twas very easy - umalohokan. the freakin word is so damn lucid in my mind along with lotsa others in that same category - sagigilid, namamahay, kalantiyaw, balangay. haha. really! but i don't think i would've gotten to the million peso question if i joined the game, the questions leading to the million peso are kinda tough. i don't even remember most of the answers to the filipino subject questions. pang-abay na pamaraan? can you still remember the types of pang-abay? don't think so, coz all i could remember is that pang-abay in english is adverbs, and as for the type of adverbs, i also can't remember them. haha. so kudos to my baby, chris. you did a great job, i so love you baby!


anyways, i saw "got to believe" for the umpteenth time today on cinema one. i dunno whats with that movie that got me really hooked. i just never get tired of watching it, i could watch it over and over for a whole day and not get tired of watching it. maybe it's the way that love was depicted in a very comic and surreal yet romantic way, i dunno. basta, kileeeeg! too bad rico yan passed away, he could've made lots of really good romantic movies with claudine. haha! im such a sucker for pinoy romantic movies. it's pathetic, really.

uhm. uhm. i just have to say this: "wag ka assuming pwede, just because you sound too much like the person i've been crushing on, doesn't mean it's you coz its not. i so hate feelingeros, and that includes myself. grrr!"

[i dun even know if you can even read my blog. im just being paranoid. you're so something, i dunno what's into you]