30.9.08

i don't see you. at least that's what im trying to do. im trying to ignore - well not completely ignore but every time that i'll see you im going to try my hardest to ignore you. yea. in that way, this craziness in me wil stop.

29.9.08

shit, i swoon everytime i see bill. bill beckett that is.
uhm. crap. crap. crap. there's no cdenying. im fuckin affected. with what you ask? can't say. anyhoo, gon' celebrate tonk's birthday tomorrow. gotta think of an excuse to my mom. err
my mom is too difficult! she treats me like a baby. i hate it. she's suffocating me! are all mothers like that?!!! is that their way of expressing their love? by annoying their daughters to death?!!!

anyhoo, i feel crappy. my friend tina sent me this text message : infatuation can only hold the mind for a maximum of one month. if it exceeds that point, i guess you're already in love.

so what does that quote say about me huh?!! how long have i been ranting about me and my stupid feelings? too long. so that make me..uhm...whatevs!

got drunk last night. haay. good times.

25.9.08


life pretty much sucks.
i feel so tired. tired of everything. it just doesn't make any sense at all. i don't even know why im doing the things im doing. everything's the same and im getting so fuckin tired of this sameness.and it doesn't help that my friends are being too damn...uhm...irritating? ugh. i so badly want to leave everything. i just want to float. and that means? i too, have no fuckin idea.

24.9.08

"smart people ask for help"

what if i've asked and no one wanted to help? what that does make me?
shit. i had a breakdown. i JUST HAD a breakdown, like minutes ago. twas embarrassing, not because people saw me - that would be impossible coz im alone at home, but because i posted the word "putangina" as my status message in ym. people reacted, and in a way, that's embarrassing - at least for me.

*sigh*

it's just that i feel so tired and so unimportant and helpless and everything i shouldn't feel in a week as busy as this one. i cracked to the pressure. super fuck. i feel like a helpless chicken that's about to be beheaded.

im so going to be dead on saturday. farshadow's gon' eat me alive. crap.
PUTANGINA.

23.9.08

this is frustrating.

i should have gone with my better judgment. i should ALWAYS go with my better judgment, and as of a while ago, that better judgment was to keep everything to myself. everything, even if it might make mo go insane.

it's frustrating, the way people react every time i try to tell them something of some importance.

it's annoying how i always end up being the pikon or childish. i mean, how should i fucking react when everytime i try to talk about something serious (i may not look like i am, but heck, you should know when im being serious. i always always beg you to stop saying stuff i seriously don't want to tell people but you. geez.), it all ends up as a joke? (did i phrased that correctly? whatevs dude)

geez.

*sigh*

air go.

*sigh*

that felt good.

khaye, you can't read this but i'll say it anyway, you are a total life saver. if not for you and lha, and probably gone crazy a freakin long time ago. :D

21.9.08

Okay this is called 35 FIRST
REACTIONS..
type what comes to your mind first
whenever you hear these 35 words.
Don't think and don't go back and
change. Doesn't matter how random just
type it!

1. Beer - good times
2. Food - spaghetti
3. Relationship - wuddat?
4. CRUSH - william beckett! *swoons*
6. Life - hmm
8. Dream Job – bum
9. The President - marvin
10. Yummy - leche flan
11. Summer - beach
12. Movie - life is beautiful
13. Halloween - ghost
14. Night – blah!
15. Religion - GOD
16. Myspace – band friends
17. Fear – fear
18. Marriage - future
19. emo - not me
20. SLIPPERS - feet
21. SHOES - i need a new one
22. Asia - chinese
23. Pizza – yellow cab
24. Pbb - uma
25. Cell phone - blackberry, i want you!
26. TV Show – project runway philippines
27. News – 24 oras
30. Highschool Life - fun!
31. Tattoo - cool
32. Stars - sky
33. Fitness Center - no time
34. Friends - lovelovelove
35. Bestfriend - jan
if coffee could kill, id already be dead.

18.9.08

i can' believe that they actually think that, I, think its fun to be idle when all of them are too fuckin busy. how insensitive. haay. i hate the feeling. err. basta. ewan. takte. ayoko na.

14.9.08

crushes are so overrated. haha! i'm so done crushing over "code name:zaido red". lol! currently, im gushing over a friend's ex-boyfriend. shit. haha! he's so effin cute and masungit, i love it! haha!

barf barf again. i think my throat's bleeding. err.

12.9.08

ate a lot, so i guess i'll have to barf a lot too. sigh.

i miss your voice. we never get to speak the way we used to. i see you everyday but its not the same. you're not the same.

how do you tell someone that you miss him? it's so easy yet so hard. sigh.

8.9.08

since when did being fat became illegal?

that's a line from a book that i plan to read, those arent the exact words but it's something like that. i'd like to ask the same question. yea, since when? somewhere between my adolescent life, a time i forgot, people just started telling me that im a little bit on the heavy side. i did'nt feel that way then, but the words kinda became imprinted in my brain that i started to believe it. wrong wrong, so wrong of me. i never used to care about the way i looked, but since then i became too self-conscious. i hated it.

isn't there a time way back in history where people think of fat women as pretty? proof of this are everywhere. the painting of goddesses - they have a pretty huge belly. a goddess with a huge belly. cool. fat used to be the epitome of beaty, at least that's how i see it, but now its the total opposite.

ugh. what am i blogging? crap. i gotta go puke, had a kinda huge dinner. so excuse me.
If this is a test
I’m losing my shit
Would it kill you to care
as much as I did?
If this is a test,
I’m wasting my breath
You’re a stranger I know well,
and not at all.

-william beckett :D

wb = love.

7.9.08

i do it on a regular basis now. im getting better at it. im not proud of it, so not. i just can't help it. it helps me feel better about myself. or am i just fooling myself?

slowly destroying me.
ok, it seems like you no longer care. wait, did you even? i'd like to think that you did.
its one o'clock in the morning and im still up, waiting for my brother. i don't mind. sigh.

you're too different now. you've gone so deep within yourself that i can't dig enough to reach you. you're too far away. it's like i can't have a decent talk with you anymore. what happened? you're distant and cold and everything you're not when we were together (it's not like we were really together as in "together, y'all know what i mean). it feels like you're a totally different person now. far from the person i used to know. what happened to you? i miss you. why won't you let me in?

5.9.08

I had always been here, just here -- waiting patiently for you to notice me. I had likewise been comforted by the thought that you are there -- always been there, as I have been forever standing here, barely touching you.

And I shiver at the thought of inching closer to you, though i know that I am always yours for the taking. But it seemd that you never picked the ones within your reach. Was I too easy? Will you ever admit that I am within your reach?

Or was I fooled by the glitch of my eyes, that severley clouded my judgment? Is the distance between us not what I thought it to be -- that in reality, you are still too far from me?

damn, i nearly cried when i read this. its our guidance councilor's blog entry. myopia is the title. guess why. crap noh?

anyhoo, i "watched" boys like girls earlier this evening. it would've been really fun if only i was able to see even a glimpse of the band while they're performing, but no, all i was able to do was listen to them perform. its ok though, at least diba? dame kaseng epal eh. effin usisero's, they don't even know who they're watching yet they're there. haay.

im a barfer, still. i hate it. i want to stop but i can't. :'(

im done with you telephony!

nyak, shota ko telephony?! haha!

---

ayaw mo ng pansinan, eh di wag. wag tayo magpansinan. akala mo maaapektuhan ako? kala mo lang yun...

sana di ako maapektuhan...

1.9.08

still busy. im going crazy. everything's hazy, and damn im feeling lazy.
can't stop thinking. dunno why my heart's crazily beating. whaddaheck am i feeling?! it's like im a crazy,addicted being!