i feel so tired.

i just want to run into oblivion.


my laptop is sick. i'm gon' lose all my files. just thinking about it makes me sick too. ugh! fuck them viruses! gotta go back to doing my industrial engineering report.


just something i wrote months ago when it was, yea, raining.

it's raining.
the rain always depress me.
the raindrops,
the way it makes the whole place seem grim.
it's sad.
the way it stirs up old feelings.
now, that's just pathetic.
pathetic and stupid.
the way the ground smell after the first drops fell,
earthy and musky.
the sound it makes when it hit the roof,
it hurts my heart. it stings.
shaking me to my very core.
it's what i pretty much need,
to be shaken. yea.


failed poetry. haha


and oh,

happy birthday daddy!

he can't read this but i'll post it anyway. :D

friday the 13th is my dad's lucky day! he specially loves it when his birthday falls on a friday.

this year my beerday falls on a saturday. yep, right after my dads'. i hope this birthday's gon' be a good one. unlike last year. bleh! xP


of being sick.

i caught a flu the other day. yea, the indestructible me actually got sick. i used to want to get sick so i could be pampered and eat noodle soup and fruits and all that, but that day made me not want to get sick ever again. it was by far the worst i've felt in years.

the day started with a sleepwalking-sleepstanding-waking-up-by-falling-flat-on-my-back-while-hitting-my-head-on-the-corner-of-the-computer-table me. stupid right? i remember getting out of bed but heck, i really can't remember why i'm on that part of my room. i got out of my zombie state coz i was already hitting the PC table on my way down to the floor. it's fucking stupid. my mom came running to my room coz i made quite a lot of noise and she found me on my bed. almost sobbing but still half sleeping. she assumed that i fell off my bed, then i told her what i thought happened. i was almost crying but my mom was laughing so i was kinda laughing with her. i was on a crying-laughing-zombie state. err. that's how my day started.

but how my day started wasn't as bad as how it ended.

the whole day at school my whole body was aching and i was feeling kinda funny. thought it was because of what happened that morning. i felt a lot worse as the darkness gets closer(haha, stupid sentence). while riding the jeep to SM, i started feeling cold. by the time i was already in SM, i felt really cold. cold to tears. and my head was feeling funny and i was aching all over. i was fighting my tears coz i really really felt awful.

when i got home, that was it. i broke down to tears and went straight to bed. my mom was so worried. she called my aunt who's a nurse and she even called our neighbor to check on me. luy yah mom!

the day after, i felt better. but still not better enough to go to school. boo-hoo!

the day after that day(? haha) i felt a whole lot better but i was having trouble with swallowing. but it wasn't that bad. it was bearable, not something to worry about. when i got home, my throat started hurting so bad, i couldn't even swallow my spit! our neighbor who's a nurse said i've tonsillitis. that was the worst tonsilitis i've had ever!!! it still hurts. boo hoo!

now, my tummy feels like someone's been tugging on it.

it's my birthday in less than two hours.

really nice pre-birthday gift! not.


ok, the wails of the two freakin cats outside is fucking disturbing. it's been going on for almost an hour now. FTW.



[how could i not?]

this suck. i'm stuck in procrastination. stress is almost non-existent when you're the only one who does nothing, but when everyone in the group isn't willing to do anything, then boy do we have a problem! i'm feeling so stressed. err.


yea. but i bet you don't.



"Success isn’t permanent, and failure isn’t fatal."

-Mike Ditka

yea, thank you. i really need that quote.

"The best moments in reading are when you come across something - a thought, a feeling, a way of looking at things - that you’d thought special, particular to you. And here it is, set down by someone else, a person you’ve never met, maybe even someone long dead. And it’s as if a hand has come out, and taken yours."

-The History Boys


"Let’s be honest. Sometimes there is nothing harder in life than being happy for somebody else."

-Sex & The City


this is so february 1 but i'd say it anyway.

roger federer: you'll always be a champion to me. now hush, wipe your tears and try again.

and although i love rafa, he's a total hottie (minus the ass scratching); roger (yea, we go by first names :D) will always always be my ultimate tennis fave.

sorry :'(

my friend's still mad at me. i apologized and all, still no word. not even a nod or an eyebrow action. i really wished i had'nt said anything(? jajan, correct this, i think the grammar is wrong. haha). it's not even entirely my fault, but anyhow, i take the blame. i think i just lost a friend (please let me be wrong). i'll take it back if i could, but i can't, and all i could do is wait and be super sad. super super sad.

again, sorry. you can't read this but i'm telling you anyway.


used to miss you so much, but it never seemed like you missed me. I guess because of that I stopped missing you.

-one tree hill

eventually. patience, patience.


monday eyes.
morning lies.
time flies.
the cat dies.
crunchy fries.
fourteen times.
lemon limes.
pennies and dimes.
petty crimes.
jester and mimes!

-today at broadcasting and acoustics class.

one common phrase and some gibberish rhymes. me likey likey.


coffee stain.

coffee spilled on the table cloth.
memories fading, feeling's disappearing.
coffee stain.
cauterized wound.
the smell of coffee,
suddenly i'm nauseous.
feeling giddy, hands are shaking.
heart is beating, wildly, i must say.
must be the coffee,
or the flashbacks running in my head.
pause. play. pause. delete.
pause. play. pause. delete.
almost all of it are gone,
some chosen few remains.
pause. play. pause.
i can't make myself delete.
maybe some other day.
you're coffee and you left a stain.
i smell your essence.
almost present, but not really there.
the table cloth will be washed,
coffee stain will be gone.
all that will be left is it's shadow,
the smell of what used to be.
somehow it makes no sense,
but that's how it going to be.
you, out of my mind
and me, hopefully free.

-02.04.09, 12.09am


oh, belated HAPPY BIRTHDAY JAJAN! >:D<



WORD. that's definitely a note to self.