31.3.09

quote.

I wanna marry you because you're the first person I wanna look at when I wake up in the morning, and the only one I wanna kiss goodnight. Because the first time that I saw these hands, I couldn't imagine not being able to hold them. But mainly, when you love someone as much as I love you, getting married is the only thing left to do. So, will you, um, marry me?

-william hayes (ryan reynolds), definitely maybe
Heal yourself by appreciation.

...Because you have a Father who loves you so much.

You’re more important than all the stars in the sky.

You’re more important than all the galaxies of this universe.

In the heart of God, nothing compares with you.

If He loves you this much, how can you not like yourself?


-Bo Sanchez

photo.


i want one. don't we all?

photo.

eeeeeeeeeeee!!!! i want these! i dunno what they are, but i want them! haha!

photo.


oooooh!!!! so cute!

29.3.09

earth hour.


earth hour. 60 minutes with no lights. it's no trouble at all. 60 minutes to save the earth. in my neighborhood, it seems like it was only us and the house beside us who joined. i knew, somehow, we have made a difference. did you have your lights switched off?




---

the tremors are over.
the spasms gone.
for now.
:D

28.3.09

...

i didn't realize that my mom, too, is hurting. and it's all my fault. i am to blame. i knew she wanted it for me. i didn't know she wanted it as much as i did. maybe even more. i've never, in my whole life, cried the moment i wake up. never - until this morning.

mom woke me up and before my eyes were even opened, she started gushing all about that stuff. the moment she left my room, i had a really good cry. i felt like i've caused my parents too much pain and failure, and i didn't even do something that's so utterly horrible. it felt so fucking bad to not be able to give them what they wanted for me. to be honest, i don't know if i even want to do it anymore. it'll just feel wrong. if i do it, something'll still be off. it won't be the same. i ruined it for me. i ruined it for them.

i'm a very selfish daughter.

27.3.09

photo.

it's too cute!!!! it's so adorable that it makes me want to have a dog. of course, it has to stay forever that way. small and cute and it has to be very very still. i really don't like it when dogs become playful. it creeps me out. i know, im weird. i just find it really creepy and scary when a dog puts it paws against my skin or when it licks my toes.

*shivers*

but if i were to choose between a cat and a dog, i'd choose dogs anytime!

26.3.09

hands shaking, mouth is dry.
staring at each others eyes,
they've never felt so high.
moving closer,
hearing their hearts beat,
with every breath
they could feel the rising heat.
arms intertwined,
standing face to face.
in their minds,
this moment'll never fade.
so much closer now,
there's no time to think.
it's now or never.
this sure better not stink (hahahahaha!)

and this is the part where my mind goes blank. hahaha!

25.3.09

disqus = epic fail. at least on this blog. hmp!
disqus test. again.
disqus test. for the nth time!
i've a dream last night (technically it isn't considered as "last night" anymore, considering the fact that i slept at 2am.) guess what i dreamt of? fucking graduation. can't believe it follows me even when i'm asleep! if i wasn't too bummed about it, i'd find it amusing and funny. setting was my elementary school. pretty amazing dream. amazing grad, well that was according to what i felt while i was dreaming (make sense?). i cried in my dreams, though. dunno why. i was with clare(grade school seatmate since the beggining of time, eunice i think and dane my highschool classmate. lots of others though i don't really remember.)

that's what you call "the haunting".

hmmm. finished reading eclipse yesterday at the office (haha!). can't believe that i was so amazed by the book back then (last summer). it's disgusting the way the author always interjects how awfully handsome edward is! disgusting! but yea, i'll still read breaking dawn. just want to see how it all ends. err.

and oh, it's raining. never thought i'd be happy for the raindrops. it eases the heat. it's too hot lately, summer and all. hope it rains as i go to bed. i think it could be kinda soothing. :)

---

I am just a little girl
Lost in the moment
I'm so scared
But I don't show it
I can't figure it out
It's bringing me down
I know
I've got to let it go
And just enjoy the show

-the show, lenka

lyrics.

can't get enough of this song! super love it!
:D

---

the show by Lenka

I'm just a little bit
Caught in the middle
Life is a maze
And love is a riddle
I don't know where to go
I can't do it alone
(I've tried)
And I don't know why

Slow it down
Make it stop
Or else my heart is going to pop
'Cuz it's too much
Yeah, it's a lot
To be something I'm not

I'm a fool
Out of love
'Cuz I just can't get enough

I'm just a little bit
Caught in the middle
Life is a maze
And love is a riddle
I don't know where to go
I can't do it alone
(I've tried)
And I don't know why


The sun is hot
In the sky
Just like a giant spotlight
The people follow the sign
And synchronize in time
It's a joke
Nobody knows
They've got a ticket to that show
Yeah

I'm just a little bit
Caught in the middle
Life is a maze
And love is a riddle
I don't know where to go
I can't do it alone
(I've tried)
And I don't know why

I am just a little girl
Lost in the moment
I'm so scared
But don't show it
I can't figure it out
It's bringing me down
I know
I've got to let it go
And just enjoy the show

Oh oh
Just enjoy the show
Oh oh

I'm just a little bit
Caught in the middle
Life is a maze
And love is a riddle
I don't know where to go
I can't do it alone
(I've tried)
And I don't know why

I am just a little girl
Lost in the moment
I'm so scared
But I don't show it
I can't figure it out
It's bringing me down
I know
I've got to let it go
And just enjoy the show

Dum de dum
Dudum de dum

Just enjoy the show

Dum de dum
Dudum de dum

Just enjoy the show

I want my money back
I want my money back
I want my money back
Just enjoy the show

I want my money back
I want my money back
I want my money back
Just enjoy the show

23.3.09

just watched slumdog millionaire. it easilly became one of my fave movies. can't even describe it. one has to watch it to know how great of a movie it is.

and yea, i even liked the bolliwood-dancing thingy at the end. hehe.


crazy fan girl mode. lol. current guy "obsession". totally acceptable since i haven't been like this for a very long time. first it was vic chou then hyun bin then won bin then the guy from princess hours (i think his name in the series was prince gian. hehe) then the guy from gokusen2. whew! hahahah! now it lee min ho! hahahahaha! he's so cute. this crazy-fan-girl mode will be over in a few weeks. hehehehe!

22.3.09

What is Love?

Actual children’s answers to the question “what is love?”

“When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.” - Billy, age 4

“Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.” - Karl, age 5

“Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.” - Chrissy, age 6

“Love is what makes you smile when you’re tired.” - Terri, age 4

“Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.” - Danny, age 7

“Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss.” - Emily, age 8

“Love is what’s in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.” - Bobby, age 7

“If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,” - Nikka, age 6

“Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.” - Noelle, age 7

“Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.” - Tommy, age 6

“During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn’t scared anymore.” - Cindy, age 8

“My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don’t see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.” - Clare, age 6

“Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.” - Elaine, age 5

“Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Brad Pitt.” - Chris, age 7

“Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.” - Mary Ann, age 4

“I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.” - Lauren, age 4

“When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn’t bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That’s love.” - Rebecca, age 8

“When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.” - Karen, age 7

“You really shouldn’t say ‘I love you’ unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.” - Jessica, age 8

...

my brother had an "almost" near-death experience last night. he's still in shock i think. i don't know why i feel apathetic what to feel about it. i love my brother, i really do. it's just that these past few weeks, he's been a totall pain in the butt. i hope he's ok though. he hasn't come out of his room since lunch. last night he came to my room to talk, but i really don't know what to say. he was telling me about how he thought he was done for at that time. i really hope he's ok.

lyrics.

i've known this song for what, two, three years now. love listening to this. can't stop listening actually. total addiction. this is what i've been playing since this morning. talk about falling in love (with the song) over again.

My Beautiful Rescue - This Providence

I've been jumping from the tops of buildings.
For the thrill of the fall.
Ignoring sound advice.
And any thought of consequence.
My bones are shattered.
My pride is shattered.
And in the midst of this self-inflicted pain.
I can see my beautiful rescue.

I'm falling more in love.
With every single word I withhold.
I'm falling more in love.
With every single word you say.
I'm falling head-over-heels for you.

I've been dancing on the tops of buildings.
At the top of my lungs I'm singing you a song.
Don't you leave me alone.
My bones were shattered.
My pride lays shattered.
Well I'll trample my pride and tell the whole world.
To dance with me.

I'm falling more in love.
With every single word I withhold.
I'm falling more in love.
With every single word you say.
I'm falling head-over-heels for you again.

I'm crying out.
"Wash my hands, these bloody hands Lord. Open my mouth and I'll sing."

I'm falling more in love.
With every single word I withhold.
I'm falling more in love.
With every single word you say.
I'm falling head-over-heels for you.

I've been dancing on the tops of buildings.
With you.

quote.

Things don’t go wrong and break your heart so you can become bitter and give up. They happen to break you down and build you up so you can be all that you were intended to be.

-Charlie “Tremendous” Jones

photo.


-erin mccarley, blue suitcase
credits to: todayslyrics

quote.

"If you don't like the way you feel, change it. It is your responsibility."

~Thomas D. Willhite, The Book of Attitude

21.3.09

poetry.

you can be loved.

even if you are not perfect
even if you don’t know the answer
even if you are horribly confused
even if you can’t make anyone feel better
even if you don’t know how to make yourself well
even if you made a mistake
even if you don’t know how to be
even if you are ashamed
even if you are hopeless
even if you don’t quite fit in
even if you are scared
even if you are lonely
even if you shouldn’t be having such a hard time right now
even if you don’t think so
even if you haven’t found your place yet
even if you aren’t proud of yourself
even if no one has really seen you before
even if you don’t know what to do
even if you try too hard
even if you’re disappointed
even if you don’t really like yourself right now
even if you are beyond good advice
even if you don’t know how to cry
even if you think this post must be meant for someone other than you

by jen lemen

just a thought.

know what? sometimes i wonder if you still remember me.

photo.

just talked to khaye and lha. feels so good to finally talk to them. they always always know what to say. no matter how blunt or how harsh. they know exactly the right words to say. i love them for that. can't wait to see them.

20.3.09

lyrics.

a friend asked me to check out this song months ago. i did but i didn't really appreciate it then. i had my ipod on shuffle today, heard this song, loved the beat, checked the lyrics, loved the lyrics. nice song. first impressions really never last.

17.3.09

quote.

Books are the quietest and most constant of friends; they are the most accessible and wisest of counselors, and the most patient of teachers.

— Charles W. Eliot


i couldn't agree more.

quote.

Among other things, you’ll find that you’re not the first person who was ever confused and frightened and even sickened by human behavior. You’re by no means alone on that score, you’ll be excited and stimulated to know. Many, many men have been just as troubled morally and spiritually as you are right now. Happily, some of them kept records of their troubles. You’ll learn from them—if you want to. Just as someday, if you have something to offer, someone will learn something from you. It’s a beautiful reciprocal arrangement. And it isn’t education. It’s history. It’s poetry.

— J.D. Salinger (The Catcher in the Rye)


i've probably posted this before but who cares? i love this book. total life saver.

Your handwriting. The way you walk. Which china pattern you choose. It’s all giving you away. Everything you do shows your hand. Everything is a self-portrait. Everything is a diary.

-Chuck Palahniuk, Diary


i want this book. i want all Palahniuk's novels: fight club, survivor, invisible monsters, choke, lullaby, diary, haunted, rant, snuff. i love him! he's a genius! papa'h chase i need you!!!

quote.

You know when I said I knew little about love? That wasn’t true. I know a lot about love. I’ve seen it, centuries and centuries of it, and it was the only thing that made watching your world bearable. All those wars. Pain, lies, hate… It made me want to turn away and never look down again. But when I see the way that mankind loves… You could search to the furthest reaches of the universe and never find anything more beautiful. So yes, I know that love is unconditional. But I also know that it can be unpredictable, unexpected, uncontrollable, unbearable and strangely easy to mistake for loathing, and… What I’m trying to say, Tristan is… I think I love you. Is this love, Tristan? I never imagined I’d know it for myself. My heart… It feels like my chest can barely contain it. Like it’s trying to escape because it doesn’t belong to me any more. It belongs to you. And if you wanted it, I’d wish for nothing in exchange - no gifts. No goods. No demonstrations of devotion. Nothing but knowing you loved me too. Just your heart, in exchange for mine.

-Yvaine, Stardust


i'm currently so addicted to this movie. i've seen about 5 or 6 times already. that's everytime it's on HBO. Neil Gaiman is a genius, now i can't wait to see Coraline.

this is my fave fave quote from the movie. the last part is kinda ironic but i still love it. the part about not being able to contain your own heart, it's so true. haaaay.

14.3.09

photo

quote.

Some people are afraid of what they might find if they try to analyze themselves too much, but you have to crawl into your wounds to discover where your fears are. Once the bleeding starts, the cleansing can begin.

-tori amos

12.3.09

struggling. but holding on tight.
on the brink of breakdown. but still fighting back.
not fighting back the tears just letting it flow.
maybe one of these days, it'll be easy to let go.

quote.

Promise yourself to be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind. Look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true. Think only of the best, work only for the best and expect only the best. Forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future. Give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others. Live in the faith that the whole world is on your side as long as you are true to the best that is in you!

— Christian D. Larson

11.3.09


From the outside looking in, you can’t understand it. From the inside looking out, you can’t explain it.

Unknown

i don't think anyone can understand. the quote is perfect. absolutely. i really need phuks and lhalhamok right now. they have a way of making things better (even if one of them forgot to greet me on my birthday. she still haven't greet me yet. but all's good. :D) .

----

i'm really proud of all my batchmates. congratulations. contrary to what the pathetic me said yesterday, i am happy for all of them. REALLY. and i'm really glad that it was them that i get to spend the best five damn years of my college life. and unlike what others are saying, college is just like high school, only tons of times better (with the drinking and everything.


10.3.09

how could i be happy for others if i'm not even happy myself?

this afternoon, everyone's in on the graduation frenzy. everyone's buzzing, thinking of what to wear, what graduation gifts they'd ask from their parents, how to tell their parent's that they're done with college, and all those stuff. really, it's driving me nuts.

what do i do? nothing. sit and pretend that none of it affects me. put all the thoughts at the farthest part of my brain. i thought i'd won over me. i thought that by not thinking about it, i'll forget about it. wrong.

on the way home, a friend asked, though not seriously, if i'm happy. i seriously wanted to tell him that i'm not but i don't want to kill his moment. i wanted to break down but i held myself back. this afternoon was their moment. it isn't mine to take. they could savor it all they want, they deserve it.

since i couldn't do it at school, i had my sorta breakdown in the jeepney ride to sm. forced myself to sleep the whole ride so i wouldn't have to think about it.

it's really hard to pretend like you don't care.

i'm too freakin emotional. i should've let the graduation thing go by now, but i just can't.

i just can't believe how i let the only thing i ever want go just like that. can't believe how stupid i've been. now i have to make a new goal. but i still can't let it go. it's just that i've dreamt about it too many times and now its all gone. it'll just be a dream. it'll never come true. not anymore. i feel so pathetic right now.

awang awa na ko sa sarile ko. i feel so fucking stupid. i know i don't have to be. everything's my fault. but can you blame me? tang ina. eto na naman ako. ayoko na.

7.3.09

of assholes and people who thinks VERY highly of themselves

i can't believe that a person could actually be as obnoxious and self-centered as you are. you're a fucking fag, you know! what does being a graduating student have to do with you being tired? you're so unbelievable. i so want to wring your neck right now.

so because i'm not graduating this march, that means i'll never feel as tired as you? fuck you. you don't get to tell us that we don't care. you have no idea how tired my body, my brain and my heart is. you don't. you'll never feel what i'm feeling. you'll never go through things that i went through. never. coz as what you said, we are not graduating students.

so fuck you.

i'm so mad at you right now but i don't know why i can't get myself to be selfish. it's not like i'm counting the things i do, but a simple fucking thank you will really be great, you fuck.

.
. .
. . .


done ranting now. done with the breakdown. gotta go back to work. it's 2am. i've a test at 8am and i still haven't studied. just really had to vent out what i'm feeling.

phew!

5.3.09

its 230 am. im at a classmate's house. i've no clothes for tomorrow. i have to be home by 5am. have to do my take home quiz. have to be at school by 10am. got to take my IT final exam by 5. have to study for the next days' final exam. have to do the activities for computer, have to finish all of the activities by saturday. still haven't got any decent sleep this week.

can i just drop dead? coz that'll be easier than this. err

and oh, i miss you. hahaha! funny how amidst all these stress you can still enter my head. ahahaha

4.3.09

of something...

ever been thrashed when you worked really hard?
ever been fucked up even after you did your best?
ever been told it's not good enough after you prepared for days?

i just have. and it felt so freaking bad. like sinking to the ground without ever wanting to sprout back up.


[sprout back up. that made me smile. haha]

2.3.09

quote.


You are the ache I feel in every song.

-Dreams on fire; A.R Rahman

9 hardest times of your life

1. Being questioned when you yourself do not understand.

2. Pretending to be innocent of what you know about.

3. Trying to forget something you never will.

4. Admitting you were wrong after being so insistent that you were right.

5. Debating with yourself.

6. Accepting the fact that some things are not meant to be.

7. Trying to understand when you just can’t.

8. Realizing that you’ve been tricked after you’ve given your whole heart.

9. Parting and letting go of someone you’ve loved.


this couldn't be more true. crap. i have to study now. ok, i will start studying after i click publish.


ooohhh....pasta, spaghetti sauce and hotdogs. i think i'll cook spaghetti first. haha!

quote.

love has a nasty habit of disappearing overnyt.

-the beatles

quote.


Usually we walk around constantly believing ourselves. “I’m okay” we say. “I’m alright”. But sometimes the truth arrives on you and you can’t get it off. That’s when you realize that sometimes it isn’t even an answer—it’s a question. Even now, I wonder how much of my life is convinced.

-Markus Zusak (The Book Thief)

quote.

This was unexpected, my soul’s connection to you.
You stole my loneliness.
No one knows that I was wishing for you, a thief, to enter my
house of autonomy, that I had locked my doors but my
windows were open, hoping, but not believing, you would enter.

-Douglas Copland

finger frenzy


2.25 seconds! woot!

try it!