i didn't realize that my mom, too, is hurting. and it's all my fault. i am to blame. i knew she wanted it for me. i didn't know she wanted it as much as i did. maybe even more. i've never, in my whole life, cried the moment i wake up. never - until this morning.

mom woke me up and before my eyes were even opened, she started gushing all about that stuff. the moment she left my room, i had a really good cry. i felt like i've caused my parents too much pain and failure, and i didn't even do something that's so utterly horrible. it felt so fucking bad to not be able to give them what they wanted for me. to be honest, i don't know if i even want to do it anymore. it'll just feel wrong. if i do it, something'll still be off. it won't be the same. i ruined it for me. i ruined it for them.

i'm a very selfish daughter.


jhanne said...


beeotch's here ok?

chia said...

yea, i know. >:(<