You think the dead we loved ever truly leave us? You think that we don’t recall them more clearly than ever in times of great trouble?
-Albus Dumbledore


Even after all this time
The sun never says to the earth,
You owe Me.'

Look what happens with
A love like that,
It lights the Whole Sky

words of wisdom from my dear cousin.

kung mahal mo talaga siya, ipagsuman mo.

taena, panalo. oo nga naman. sa hirap gumawa non para sa lalaki. eh kung pinagUbe ka pa, aba! sobrang mahal na mahal ka na non. haha!


'Nay, hello. How are you doing? Are you doin fine? I'm not. Let's meet each other again in my dreams tonight. I miss you. It's amazing how when on a night that i think of you and cry until i fall asleep, you always show up in my dreams. Makes me know that you really are just there, around, watching over us.

I miss you 'Nay. I really really do. And it's not helping that whenever i think about you, the image that enters my head is you on that hospital bed. No, not the smiling you. I feel like i haven't done anything for you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry...


eating spaghetti.

feel like throwing up. err.


i just smelled flowers when there are no flowers around me. i dunno. maybe i'm just making something out of nothing. i mean, there are fake flowers beside me after all. meh.
I miss Nanay so much. I never knew that I'd miss someone this much. It scares the crap out of me. It really does.


i miss you nanay. every one else seem to have dream of you except me and kuya. it's not fair. nanay. nay. i miss you so badly. so so badly. i hope you're being taken care of wherever you are. you're now in a place where there's no more pain. ok ka na 'nay. ok ka na. i know that's what i always tell you. ok ka na 'nay. even if it's not true. now, finally, ok ka na talaga 'nay. i know He'll take good care of you. malakas ako sa Kaniya eh. 'nay, i love you so much. 'nay. i miss hugging you. i miss your kwentos. i miss everything, 'nay. everthing. i miss you.



know it’s symptoms. could happen to anyone. to people you least expected to have it. if you pee too much, if your mole became bigger or something, discharges from wherever, cough that never goes away, sudden weight loss. if you’re experiencing any of this and you feel that something ain’t right, go get yourself checked. better safe than sorry.

let’s all be healthy, everyone.


nabuburn-out na ko. but i have to be strong. we all have to. it's really no joke. kahit nakaupo ka lang at walang ginagawa, nakakapagod. i'm not complaining. i'll do anything, everything for nanay. i just want my nanay to be better. i want her back to her old self. i don't want her to be like the patients in that ward. please don't let her be like that. please. please. hindi ko alam pero it turned out we can't do anything about it na pala. it sucks! does that mean we just have to wait for it to happen? putang ina, i don't want it to happen. papasakayin ko pa ng airplane si nanay eh. wala pa nga kong trabaho. hindi ko pa nabibigay sa kaniya first salary ko. i want to tell her many things that are yet to happen in my life. i want her to see me get married. pupunta pa kame ng sm at magshoshopping. please please please make her ok. please let her get all better. please.


i want to throw up.


gusto mo magdamog pero wag na lang. it's not worth it.
ang saya mo no? pwede sa lugar na di ko naririnig? napipikon na ko eh. putang ina. ang galing galing mo kase. ang galing mo. perfect ka. ang galing. ang galing galing. kala mo nakakatuwa. makaramdam ka nga. tangina. ang galing mo talaga. the best ka when it comes to making people feel like shit. tae.


my brother is an asshole.

oh wait, i already told you guys that.


it's amazing how happy days go by quickly.
tang ina!!!! is this fucking hormones?!!! coz right now i am tearing up and choking from keeping myself from bawling. and i don't even know why. i hate everything that's happening to me right now. every fucking thing. i wonder when will things get better for me? i feel so fucked up but i know i'm not. i hope no one feels the way that i do. no one deserves to feel like this. no one.
puta, what the hell is wrong with me? it's like i'm feeling everything without actually feeling anything. and that sentence don't even make a fucking sense!
ugh! can't i be left alone for a few fucking minutes?!!!!!!! putang ina naman eh.
grabe, the things that i think of. and that's just from being stuck at home for 2 months. tang ina. sasabog na utak ko. ano na mangyayari saken?
if i wasn't like this, would things turn out differently for me?

puta emo.
shut up. shut up. SHUT THE FUCK UP.

you know how parents are supposed to be supportive and shiz? well i must be the unluckiest bitch on earth, coz right now, i don't feel like i have any. all i hear everyday is how i'm wasting away my life. it's not like i'm not doing anything! it really hurts that all i hear from my mom are words that are like knives stabbing me instead of words of comforts and shiz. if she's joking then those are really fucking mean jokes. if she only knew that i can't wait to get out of here, to stay as far away from her as possible. IT'S NOT LIKE I'M NOT TRYING, COZ I REALLY FUCKING AM!!! i don't want to be stuck here forever. this is absolutely not the life i dream for myself. you can go and tell everyone that i'm a fucking useless daughter who's wasting her life fattening up at home, for all i care.

i guess the saying is true, the people who laugh the hardest are the ones who hurt the most. it's fucked up. i hate everything right now. i can't even cry. i don't want to. i'm not going to fall apart again because of the things she says. no, i am not going to. i am so much stronger now. things like this doesn't make me fall apart anymore. not anymore...

it's not always like this, you know. it's just that some days she is totally fucked up, doesn't think of what she's saying. she is so fucking tactless. i'm her daughter for heaven's sake, i don't think she has any clue about parenting. she's been failing parenting 101 ever since i entered college, constantly thinking that i'm a failure. maybe that's the downside of being an "achiever" when you were young. fucked up if you ask me. she's not a horrible mom you know, she's really nice, it may even be just me overreacting. but it really hurts when she says things. really really hurts.

this is just the emotion talking. done without thinking. i am such a screw up.



should really stop asking me to fix their computers. i am no good when it comes to computers. reformat, fine. other than that, i know nothing else. ugh!


went to church yesterday (but technically twas already 'the other day'. copied this from my tumblr. :D) and there was some father’s day thingy going on. for some reason i started to choke, got a huge lump in my throat, got almost caught tearing up by my mom. i miss my dad, big time. i don’t know what’s up with kids hating their dad for being in another country working their asses of to give things to them kids. i really don’t get them. the way they mess things up to be “noticed by their dads”, like they don’t get attention. i mean, why do they think their dads in another country in the first place? see my dad have worked overseas for as long as i am living, he comes home every year. if it’s tough for us families left at home, imagine how tough it must be for them to be there all by themselves. imagine how lonely they must be, at least us here got each other. i really love my dad.

i can’t thank him enough for all the things he has done for us. he doesn’t talk much, doesn’t express much of himself (except when he gets drunk, which is very rare. i remember this one time he got drunk, total hillarity.), but he never fails to make us smile. if i’ve a choice, i’d rather have him here with us. that’s why i told myself that i’ve got to find a job real soon so that my dad could quit his job and just stay here with us. i miss him so much.

daddy, i could never thank you enough. happy father’s day! and to all the dads out there, happy father’s day! :D


it's been two months and i still got no work. i'm so bored, i feel like my head's gonna explode. everything has been turned into a worthless routine lately. wake up late, eat brunch (sometimes merienda), watch tv for a few hours, surf the net for worthless stuff, watch tv, read books, sleep late, and the cycle goes on and on. it's not even fun anymore. i don't want to keep doing these shit anymore. to top everything off, i ain't got no money. no shit. zero. ugh! i hate this! i need to be employed. soon. papah chase. papah chase. papah chase!!!


i have the sniffles. boo. anyways, a while ago, i was blowing my nose. so here i was cleaning my nose, then i suddenly burst out laughing. crazy. i remember something my classmate used to do, he inserts the tissue in his nose to make him sneeze. crazy sneeze. like, haaaaaaaacccchooooooooo-sneeze. the very big, dramatic kind. right in the middle of class. it was so funny. haha. good times. good times.


moon river and me...


so we went to dashboard confessional's concert. yea. it was a whole lot of awesome. chris was awesome. still is. the band was awesome. yea. had a really great time. i think i'm going to love them forever.

ps: manong cameraman, you really had to stand there, huh.
because chris deserves a place here too. :D



You know that place between sleep and awake?
The place where you can still remember dreaming.
That’s where I’ll always love you.
That’s where I’ll be waiting.

-Peter Pan


i wanted you, i really did. why don't you want me?

did. past tense.


tangina! now i'm so confused. i still have three more days. three days. that's a lot of time for thinking. i hope i won't regret the decision i'm going to make. err. this is so hard.
how am i supposed to pretend
i never want to see you again?

-campus, vampire weekend


Sometimes I feel there’s a hole inside me, an emptiness that at times seems to burn. I think if you lifted my heart to your ear, probably you could hear the ocean. And the moon tonight, there’s a circle around it. A sign of trouble not far behind. I have this dream of being whole. Of not going to sleep each night wanting. But still, sometimes when the wind is warm or the crickets sing, I dream of a love that even time will lie down and be still for. I just want someone to love me. I want to be seen. I don’t know. Maybe I’ve had my happiness. I don’t want to believe it. But there is no man, only that moon.
Practical Magic
so i passed. meh. no biggie for me, but a really big one for my parents and i dunno why but for some reason it's also a big deal for my relatives. what is that about? it's not like i'm going to be an instant millionaire just because i passed the stupid boards. err. so yea, my mom is still in the celebrating mood so i told her what i thought about her spending money to celebrate me passing the boards. guess what? she got totally pissed.

and i feel totally guilty. i feel so selfish. i mean, i told myself that i'm going to pass this stupid thing for them (and my self, too) and i'm going to let them have their moment but here i am ruining everything and being selfish. it's what makes them happy, why the hell do i keep on blocking their happiness? i'm so stupid. stupid as ever.


Friend, are you a winner?

Stop focusing on your trial.

Stop focusing on your problems.

Right now, you may be undergoing fire.

Perhaps your marriage is being torn apart.

Perhaps you’re buried in a mountain of debt.

Perhaps the doctor said you’re never going to get well.

Perhaps your child is far from God.

Friend, don’t lose hope.

Don’t give up.

You will win the race.

You will win the prize!

In the fire, don’t be a carrot or an egg. Don’t weaken or harden. Rather, be a coffee bean and let the fire set you free for action!

This fire will make you better.

This fire will make you grow.

This fire will make you succeed even more!

So focus on the finish line.

Focus on your dream.

Focus on the prize before you.

Stand up and keep running!

May your dreams come true,

Bo Sanchez

Psalm 23:4 says, Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me…

You don’t stay in the valley.

You don’t sulk in the valley.

You walk through the valley.

You keep moving forward. You put one foot in front of the other until you get out of the valley.

-bo sanchez


If you can’t run, walk. If you can’t walk, limp. If you can’t limp, crawl. Stumble your way to greatness.

-bo sanchez


chempot, ikaw kasi ang kulet mo. i've told you a hundred times not to look, but still, you do it. sinong tanga? love, chempot


last night, i dreamt that i was being chased by a 'regular' tiger and an albino tiger in front of the university of santo tomas. wtf?



It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live, remember that.

-albus dumbledore



True courage is not the absence of fear, but the willingness to proceed in spite of it.


But sometimes, when you least expect it, life surprises you.

-when it happens, susan colasanti


sometimes, you gotta run before you can walk.

-tony stark, iron man


Destiny is for losers. It’s just a stupid excuse to wait for things to happen instead of making them happen.

-gossip girl



Pain comes in all forms: the small twinge, a bit of soreness, the random pain, the normal pains we live with every day. Then there’s the kind of pain we can’t ignore: a level of pain so great that it blocks out everything else, makes the rest of the world fade away until all we can think about is how much we hurt. How we manage our pain is up to us. Pain. We anesthetize, ride it out, embrace it, ignore it… And for some of us, the best way to manage pain is to just push through it.

-grey's anatomy
Fuck that. If a man is in love with someone, you will always just be the girl on the side.


I thought how unpleasant it is to be locked out; and I thought how it is worse, perhaps, to be locked in.

— Virginia Woolf



you cannot find peace by avoiding life.

-virginia woolf
the neighbor's son/daughter is playing the guitar. me likey-likey.

le sigh. what now? really, what do i do now?


I’ve learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. I’ve learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. I’ve learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you’ll miss them when they’re gone from your life. I’ve learned that making a “living” is not the same thing as making a “life.” I’ve learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. I’ve learned that you shouldn’t go through life with a catcher’s mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back. I’ve learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision. I’ve learned that even when I have pains, I don’t have to be one. I’ve learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. I’ve learned that I still have a lot to learn. I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.
Maya Angelou

...how you made me feel
dammit tumblr, what is wrong with you today?!


ok. the high is over.

what now?


i was euphoric hours before, but i can't help but feel bad for my other friends. i know how they feel more than anyone, i breathed it once. it was so hard to let go. it was the worst i've felt. i want to say things to make them feel better but i know from experience that nothing can make them feel better unless they want to be.
i should remind myself never to look at your fb page. my happiness suddenly went down to less than half. oh well.


weee. big thanks to the One above.


i love my friends. whatever happens, i'll always be forever grateful that i am friends with my friends. they are the best people one could possibly have in one's life. words could never express how thankful i am for them. just a few more hours. my insides are going crazy.
It’s being here now that’s important. There’s no past and there’s no future. Time is a very misleading thing. All there is ever, is the now. We can gain experience from the past, but we can’t relive it; and we can hope for the future, but we don’t know if there is one.
-george harrisson
i no longer want to feel invisible.


overthinking. it sucks.

overblogging. when you have to do something, yes, it sucks too.
omg! you! you're too adorable! ok na, i know it's years too late, pero sige na, pumapayag na ko! di mo na kailangan pumila, sa unahan ka na agad. tapos yes na agad. haha!
wala ka na naman kanina. ano ba yan 5days na lang eh. you look really cute yesterday. read: barney. haha!
board na in 5days. fuck. pass or bust.
ok, naiyak naman ako don. i can't believe i still care. fuck. uhm, wait, maybe it's not because of that, trigger lang. kase pucha naiyak din ako. tae ka man.


i can't stop thinking about you. crap. and itunes won't detect my ipod. double crap. how am i supposed to study when there are two craps cluttered in my head? tae.


shoot for the moon. even if you miss, you'll land among the stars.



so heart, please stop.


omfg. can we be really really close? like please? haha! awwww. you know what? i really think you're nice, a good person and all. a good friend. and i want to be one of the people who are close to you coz i think you really take care of the people you're close to. that's so sweet. so yea, i wanna get close to you (singing it. hehe) you look like a freakin thug but you're a freaking marshmallow. can you be my marshmallow? wahahaha! ok, break's over. time to sleep. early to bed early to rise.


aba at ikaw pa ang naaasar? kapal naman.


ok. now that's not fair.


a year older, and definitely, a year wiser. thank you to everyone i've met these past 2215 years. and thank You, the one whom i owe my life. :D
thanks mom! i super kaduper to the nth power love it!!!!!!!!! happy birthday to me, indeed! :D




it's 11.57pm but still, i gotta do what i have to do. it's HIPHOP ABS time, oh yea.

ps: i missed 11:11. oh well, i was able to wish on the first star i saw earlier this evening so all's well :D
wow. rest at last. i thought my head was going to explode from to much "academic" readings. of course that's not without a novel side dish. so far i've read five novels and currently reading a new one. boy, do i luurve to read. anyhoo, BAHAHAHA! yea, just thinking about ate makes me really really lol. ok, so i had this dream and it was really weird. i was walking downstairs (we don't even have one and it was supposed to be in our house.) and at the bottom i found a picture of me and this guy from hs and beside it is a picture of me and this other guy from hs and beside that there are tons of wedding stuff. bahaha! wtf right? i mean, i didn't even had a thing with those guys! well maybe the first one thought we had hence the card. bahahaha! omg, just thinking about that dream and what that dream makes me think of really makes me lol to the max. like this afternoon, i was walking home and i had to make weird faces just to keep myself from laughing. gawd, that was such a ridiculous dream. but better that than the ones i've been having almost every night. i mean, as much as i want to die while sleeping (no pain), i don't want to die because of nightmares or what ever that's called. i don't want to die yet period.

that was weird. from being totally funny to dying. blah. ta-ta.

you have bewitched me body and soul.

-Mr. Darcy, pride and prejudice

no, i still haven't read it yet. i want to but...uhm. yea, just not yet. blegh.


There are no failures; just experiences that don't go as you planned.
i need a hug, a kiss, an exchange of words. someone to tell me everything will be ok.
why is it so hard to get over some things? damn it.

and on another note, i apologized and everything, an you're still mad/upset/maarte. bahala ka na. kung ayaw mo wag mo.
tonight will be one of those nights. thank goodness for pillows. emotastic night coming right up.
What I want is to be needed. What I need is to be indispensable to somebody. Who I need is somebody that will eat up all my free time, my ego, my attention. Somebody addicted to me. A mutual addiction.

Chuck Palahniuk



i was seriously having a heart failure hours ago in nbs for spotting and holding books that i cannot buy. i hid all of them so no one else could buy them. i really have my fingers crossed that no one will be able to see all of it as i am planning to buy all of them. one at a time, of course. ugh! i need money!!!


can anybody find meeeeeeeee, somebody to looooooovvvveeeeeee.....

glee is so addicting. studying is kinda addicting. uhm, no, not really. reading is addicting. books are addicting. shopping is addicting. your new haircut is addicting. next time, no small talks. you made me lose my focus. tangina i'm biting my lips to keep myself from smiling coz you make me so kileg. haha. waaaah!!!!! wag ka pumasok pag papasok ako!!! haha! tae.

this is my 1009th post and i still don't have anything worth your time to type. oh well.


CONGRESSMAN JULES LEDESMA. mahiya ka naman. tanggap ka ng tanggap ng sweldo eh hindi ka naman pumapasok? what's up with that? grabe, i can't believe taxes are wasted on people like you. tut-tut.


i think i know now who i'm going to vote for.
i guess i'll never get used to seeing my dad leave. after 22 years, still, never. the departure area of airport is one of the saddest place i know. in my current perspective.


trying to save face huh. nice try. but no.



"I love coconut, because when you think you’re done eating coconut, 25 minutes later, a little piece of coconut comes out of the back of your mouth, and then you say, “Hey! It’s more coconut!” I think any food with that kind of determination needs a little respect."

-John Mayer



I love you
Not only for what you are,
But for what I am
When I am with you.

I love you,
Not only for what
You have made of yourself,
But for what
You are making of me.

I love you
For the part of me
That you bring out;

I love you
For putting your hand
Into my heaped-up heart
And passing over
All the foolish, weak things
That you can’t help
Dimly seeing there,

And for drawing out
Into the light
All the beautiful belongings
That no one else had looked
Quite far enough to find

I love you because you
Are helping me to make
Of the lumber of my life
Not a tavern
But a temple.

Out of the works
Of my every day
Not a reproach
But a song.

I love you
Because you have done
More than any creed
Could have done
To make me good.
And more than any fate
Could have done
To make me happy.

You have done it
Without a touch,
Without a word,
Without a sign.

You have done it
By being yourself.
Perhaps that is what
Being a friend means,
After all.

by Roy Croft


ayoko magka-carpal tunnel. please no.
no, this isn't a preaching blog. but i really do love God. :D
God’s plan is bigger than all your mistakes put together.

Dear friend, God hasn’t given up on you.

So don’t give up on yourself.

And God hasn’t given up on your destiny.

So don’t give up on yours!

Never define yourself by your mistakes. Define yourself by your destiny.
God's plan is bigger than your mistakes.
-Bo Sanchez

i love this guy. it just suck that his old schedule on tv5 was cancelled. i love his talks. very inspiring. very enlightening. :D
that was good. i missed that. really. you've changed but still kind of the same. remember? i wish. stupid ko kase. haha. oh well.


my mom's lecturing my dad about last night. man, was he drunk! haha! twas so funny. but i guess my mom didn't think so. err. :/


tagaytay. taken while in motion. (i'm in the car) one more frame and this photo is totally ruined. there's a manong riding that motorcycle kase eh.

it annoys the hell outta me when i see guys walking our streets in nothing but their boxer shorts. really? you think that's sexy? oh please! creepy, yes. sexy, hell to the NO. if you have a body like zefron(i don't like him but can't think of anyone else right now) then by all means, walk around naked. ugh! pwede ba?!!!



Yes, I was infatuated with you; I am still. No one has ever heightened such a keen capacity of physical sensation in me. I cut you out because I couldn’t stand being a passing fancy. Before I give my body, I must give my thoughts, my mind, my dreams. And you weren’t having any of those.

-Sylvia Plath


omg. let's get close then let's fall in love. waah! haven't seen you in a while. bakit wala ka nung pista? aba'y dumaan naman kame senyo. hmp! haha! over!