Grief strikes at the weirdest times. On a public transpo, brushing your teeth...it's been more than 2 years, I don't even know if it's still called grief when it's been that Lon.

I've always felt like I've been robbed of my grandmother. Slept thinking she was fine, that she'll be able to make it through the night, got woken up coz she died. How screwed up is that Bro? Ang daya-daya. Why'd You made me think that she was fine when she wasn't? I shoulda have stayed with her I shouldn't have slept. Bakit po? Did I completely miss Your point? Hindi ko po talaga maintibdihan.

I miss her si much.


"There's more than one way to die. Your heart can go on ticking, but sometime that’s just for show."


Please stop. Jeeeez.
What's the quickest way out? One that is painless? I don't want to be saved, I just want out. Quick and painless.


Sometimes I just can't help but wonder if my friends are really friends. Nobody even bothers to look for me.


Maybe I should stop reading. I notice how I'd always read too much when I'm sad or feeling too much (or not feeling at all).


And then there were days like this...I am truly a roller coaster.


That feeling of loneliness even when you're surrounded by tons of people, even when you're laughing your head off with friends, and even when you're with the people you consider as your bestfriends. It sucks the most. I want to be a different version of me. Sometimes I just want to disappear completely. No one cares anyway. My life is ok but the thing is, I dunno. I hate my life. I hate me. Why can't there be an easy and painless way out? I wish I was a bubble. I'm getting tired of pretending to be happy and ok. I'm fucking pretentious. Sometimes you just get tired of everything. The fuck is wrong with me?
Do you ever feel like someone else is living the life you've always wanted?

Why do i always get emotional at night? fuck.


I'm on a trip but I'm so fucking unhappy im crying my eyes out. Sad thing is, as always, I don't know why...


Who are you and what do you want from me?
JEEZ. Stop acting like a jealous fucking girlfriend. She's your best friend for fuck's sake! I have best friends but I don't guard them the way you do! That's just not normal, not to mention annoying. I mean, really! It's not like I'm going to snatch her away from you! She's all yours. Weird relationship is weird.


Christina Perri - Distance (feat. Jason Mraz) [Acoustic]

This song. This.


All is clear now. I can't stay. By the end of the month, if things go as planned, it'll be my time to fly. With what little happiness I have, I can't compromise it with something such as a vague hope. Besides, regrets are so not me, so I know that I'm gon' be ok. I will be Ok. I will be great. Win some, lose some. Fresh start here I come.

Hmmm. But, if things don't go out as planned, I might have to stay. FML.


I didn't realize until now. I am falling into the dark abyss of depression, again. I need to snap back out. This is not good.


Dear 'Nay,
My heart is still broken. It might not heal. I miss you so much. The smallest thing reminds me of you. It still hurts, so much. Today, I was watching cartoons and I just broke down. I miss you 'nay. I miss you...


Naiiyak ako pero wag na Lang. Tangina. Nakakasama Lang kasi ng loob.


We all have that one irritating, mean-spirited, feelingera, wannabe-boss office mate.

Well, except when you aren't working. Kaasar nampucha.
I miss my old friends.


That one time I cried so bad for so fucking long and for absolutely no reason at all...

Happened again. I must be the saddest, most fucking pathetic person alive, I can't even.


Often times people get on my nerves. Stop putting words into my mouth. Stop telling me what I feel. Stop telling me what I like and what I don't. Believe me, I've got that covered. I'm not you nor anyone else, so fucking stop. You don't get it so stop. I don't need your fucking snotty opinions.


This is just about one of the sweetest video I've ever seen.

Live Lip-Dub Proposal

Really makes me wonder if someone will ever make the effort to do something like this for me. #foreveralone


I want to scream. I want to fucking cry.
It seems like I'm back to nothingness. Everything's the same. A fucking cycle. I dunno what to feel. What should I feel? This feels worse than being depressed. I'm neither happy nor sad. I simply feel...nothing. Seems like life is screwing me over again.


Dear Nanay, Napanood ko kanina ang pinaka Malungkot na episode ng iWItness. Tungkol po sa matatanda. Nay, sana hindi mo naramdaman kahit kailan yung pakiramdam ng mga Lolo at Lola don. Sana alam no na hindi ka namin iiwan at papabayaan. Kahit Alangan ka namin buong buhay namin ok Lang Nay. Nay...yung mga lolo at Lola daw don handa sila na mamamatay na sila, it isn't fair kasi ikaw Hindi pa. Hindi pa din ako ready na iwan mo. Ang daya mo Nay. Iniiwan mo ko habang tulog ako. Nay Hindi ako ready na iwan mo. Nay magdadalawang taon na, ang Sakit Sakit padin. Miss na miss na po kita...


Sexual harassment

That is so fucking mean. I don't think any of us have the right to judge the girl since we have no fucking idea on what really happened. I'm losing all hope in humanity. I dunno. People have become so fucked up.


Tearing up. I feel so bad for an acquaintance for losing her dad. I'm feel so sad coz I remember the feeling. I know what it's like to lose someone very dear to you. The pain, the helplessness. It kills you really.




Alone is all I have.


My heart...

Take it. It's yours. You can keep it. I won't ask anything in return. I won't even ask for it back.
Who are you?!


People who have no idea on what I'm feeling seriously needs to shut up. You don't know anything so that alone makes your fucking opinion invalid.


How old is too old to have a blog? At what age are you supposed to delete? Am I totally fucked coz I'm 25 and still have an active blog?
Being alone amongst all these people, what am I supposed to feel? Nothing. I can't feel anything. Is that a bad thing?


Ok, this is weird. Maybe I really did like you, but that was years ago. So why am I like this? Why did that fucking upset me? Why did that fucking make me cry? It's only normal, you two are fucking together. I've always hated her. Wait, no, not 'hated'. I just don't really like her. I mean she's nice and all, but I really find her, uhm, annoying? Ugh! Why am I even thinking about you?

Maybe I just feel lonely.


I feel like I'm going nowhere. The one thing that I'm positive that I want to do, Ive no idea how to start. I want it so bad but I'm scared. How to do it, I've no idea. I want it but dont know how to get it. Me and my third-world problem.


If you tell me you feel the same, I promise I won't be scared. I won't run away. Not anymore. Not this time. I've rejected the few who were brave enough to tell me they like me and I've avoided those who've shown the slightest hint of liking me, but if you are the one to tell me I swear I'll be different. I'll let you in. But YOU have to be the one to tell me, coz I won't if you don't. That's just sad and pathetic, but that's the way things are, at least for me. I sure am one complicated human being. Le sigh.


A blog is a place where i can say things that I will never say in real life. It is where i vomit words when i'm hurt, pissed and what-not. A place where I say mean things that I don't really mean.

So, uhm, yea. I hope my family never finds this. haha.