21.1.13

I wonder whats wrong with me. Sometimes I just keep wanting to go deeper and deeper into the world of self destruction. Like as if I want to see myself fail completely and disappear.

-Daul Kim


And no truer words were spoken than this.
Do you ever feel like cutting ties with certain people because being around them is just tiring, but you never do coz it wouldn't feel right? For them? Well maybe a little for you too. Maybe searching for my options somewhere else isn't too much of a bad idea. Go some place and never come back. I wish I were braver. Tougher. I really don't like me and what I am right now. And every one else is not being much of a help. I hate me. I hate how my life is turning out to be. This is so not how I imagined it would be. I hate me for not doing anything about it. Why am I not doing anything about it? Why am I too afraid of taking the first step? My giant leap of faith? I'm a fucking coward and I hate me for that. You can't judge me. Everything is easier said than done. 

Tomorrow, I'll forget about this. I'll wear the same fucking smile like I always do, and it'll start all over again. The fucking cycle of getting nowhere. 

17.1.13

It's 9:20pm and I just finished eating a burger. I feel like throwing up. I hate myself right now.