Feeling a bit ok. Better. Coz...books. Yea. I am not making any sense, I'm going to bed. Thank you.


We're out having dinner. Right now. And all I want to do is go home and lie on my bed and stare at my ceiling. Is that bad? I want to cry. Is that bad? I'm having all these thoughts again. I guess that's bad. I have to pick myself up real quick before this turns into something big. I can't go back to that. I just can't. Not when I've already decided on finally doing what I'm afraid to do. This just can't happen to me again.
A little before two hours after my birthday (that sentence made very few or no sense at all)...

Hey. So yea, I just turned a year older. Spent the day exactly how I want it to - by myself. Technically, I was with my sister-in-law but she was in her room almost the whole time. We talk for a bit, 'twas cool. Slept most of the day away, watch re-runs of HOw I Met Your Mother, and avoided social media and the rest of the world. Exactly the way I like to spend my day. My family almost talked me into going out to dinner but I talked them into going out tomorrow instead. I just really want to stay home and ignore everyone. Then a little after dinner, I went to my room and for some reason that even I don't understand, I started crying. Like really crying - sobbing and shit. My existential crisis game is on point as fuck. Just had to come when I don't want it to and in waves. I feel so fucking empty, unaccomplished, unworthy, and alone all of a sudden. And scared. Another year and still, nothing's going on with my life. I seem to be forever stuck. I have to stop being afraid and make my decision soon...

Another year and I'm incoherent as fuck. Oh well.