23.12.16

HALAAAA! Nagiging pa-girl ako! Stop!!! I can't like you!!!! Wahahahahha!

17.12.16

I hate it when people insists that I'm not happy because I'm single. That "deep inside" I'm unhappy. If I've said it a hundred times over, I'm good. I've stopped explaining a long time ago, they won't understand anyway. Some people are so narrow-minded. I don't need someoje else to complete me. I'm perfectly fine. Maybe you should worry about yourself instead of focusing on me. Ugh!

1.12.16

Saw this meme on Facebook that says "when I was young, I told myself I'd be married at 23" made me laugh coz when I was you I always thought I'd be dead by 23. Me and my crazy ass thing about dying young.

12.9.16

Sometimes I think if there's still something wrong with me. Like it didn't really go away. I can still feel it, hiding, bidding its time. I'd like to think I overcame it, all on my own, without asking help from anyone. Coz really, who can help and what can they do? It's my fight with my own head. These days and these past years I feel fine, normal. But suddenly there are just days when i feel nothing again. The apathy is too strong, I don't want to do anything but lie down and read. When I'm starting to read too much,it comes. In waves then all at once. Other times, I feel to much. I cry for no reason, all I remember are bad memories, I think too much. But I think it's a lot better than not feeling anything. I'm trying to fight it, I think I'm winning, but I could be wrong. I don't know what I want. That what scares me. I need to want something again so I could focus on that and not lose myself. I need more great days. I need to feel ok, coz I feel like sinking again. I don't want to. I have to pull myself together. I have to. No one else will do it for me. I have to be ok for me.

7.9.16

You're so weird and sometimes I don't get you, but I'm starting to really admit that I kind of like you like you. Gah. And I'm so dead sometimes so I may or may have agreed to whatever people tell me. Haha

19.8.16

It's not fair. Nanay died a little more than a month after she was diagnosed with cancer. It's not fair. She wasn't supposed to die. We shouldn't be commemorating her death. I hate all the doctors there. I've never forgiven anyone in that hospital yet. I haven't forgiven myself yet. She wasn't supposed to die.

26.7.16

I'm crying why am I crying what the hell is this I don't even know what I'm feeling right now I don't feel anything but I'm crying I hate this I hate this stop coming back I was perfectly fine please be gone by the time I wake up please

14.6.16

You have to stop. Stop being too damn nice.

18.5.16

I'm too old to still be doing this, but I have to get this off my head.

I keep having flashbacks of the jumps. When I do, it's immediate that thoughts of you comes after. It's frustrating coz I want it out of my head and I just can't seem to. You're in my head. Why are you in my head? Why are you still in my head? I want you out. I can't do this again. I can't keep getting into this kind of thing where I'm the only one feeling things. It's not fair to me. I know I sound whiny, of course I am. That's what happens when you're always on this side - the outside. It's not fair. I'm always on the outside, looking into whatever

I can't even tell anyone, because then it'll be real. I don't want it to be real. It can't be. It just can't.