I'm too old to still be doing this, but I have to get this off my head.

I keep having flashbacks of the jumps. When I do, it's immediate that thoughts of you comes after. It's frustrating coz I want it out of my head and I just can't seem to. You're in my head. Why are you in my head? Why are you still in my head? I want you out. I can't do this again. I can't keep getting into this kind of thing where I'm the only one feeling things. It's not fair to me. I know I sound whiny, of course I am. That's what happens when you're always on this side - the outside. It's not fair. I'm always on the outside, looking into whatever

I can't even tell anyone, because then it'll be real. I don't want it to be real. It can't be. It just can't.