12.9.16

Sometimes I think if there's still something wrong with me. Like it didn't really go away. I can still feel it, hiding, bidding its time. I'd like to think I overcame it, all on my own, without asking help from anyone. Coz really, who can help and what can they do? It's my fight with my own head. These days and these past years I feel fine, normal. But suddenly there are just days when i feel nothing again. The apathy is too strong, I don't want to do anything but lie down and read. When I'm starting to read too much,it comes. In waves then all at once. Other times, I feel to much. I cry for no reason, all I remember are bad memories, I think too much. But I think it's a lot better than not feeling anything. I'm trying to fight it, I think I'm winning, but I could be wrong. I don't know what I want. That what scares me. I need to want something again so I could focus on that and not lose myself. I need more great days. I need to feel ok, coz I feel like sinking again. I don't want to. I have to pull myself together. I have to. No one else will do it for me. I have to be ok for me.

7.9.16

You're so weird and sometimes I don't get you, but I'm starting to really admit that I kind of like you like you. Gah. And I'm so dead sometimes so I may or may have agreed to whatever people tell me. Haha